


Smoke break

by BrittSama



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Character break, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Murder, Natsuki is hella awkward n hella gay, Slow Burn, Smoking, This one is gonna get heavy, alchohol, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-02-19 00:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13111491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrittSama/pseuds/BrittSama
Summary: Natsuki thinks too much about her issues, and Yuri wants to change That.But will Yuri's company help Natsuki? Or will she just end up crumbling even harder?





	1. Don't look in her eyes You might fall and find the love of your life

**Author's Note:**

> I uh didn't have any plans to start a long story BUT THIS ONE JUST WOULDN'T LEAVE MY HEAD TILL I WROTE IT DOWN 
> 
> So uh enjoy i guess! :)

Stepping outside you pull your scarf closer to your lips, the freezing Wind gently burning and blowing against your skin. It was fucking below zero out here, but you just needed to step out for a moment. Sure Monika's house was nice and toasty but because of the early Christmas party she was throwing, the large house was quickly becoming way too crowded for your own comfort. 

You walk over to lean against the railing of the back door patio, but soon realize you are not alone out here. Looking over to your right side you see one of your fellow club members, Yuri.

“Hello, natsuki.” She spoke monotonously, In-between puffs of her cigarette. She didn't even look towards you, she just kept staring straight ahead at the dark backyard, a bored expression evident on her face.

“Ah- Yuri, sorry I didn't expect anyone else to be out here, I just needed a break from everyone in there.” You spoke back softly and kind of nervously, something about the girls demeanor was just throwing you off right now, I mean yeah you guys did see each other every day in the club, and you think you shared a few classes together but, you weren't exactly friends.

“I understand, I hate crowded spaces myself, so it's nice to have some sort of escape from everyone's faces.” She ashes her cigarette over the railing, She inhales it again.

You nod your head in agreement, but you doubt she even noticed, It's like she's lost in her own world. There's an awkward silence between the two of you, Well on your end at least, she's still barely acknowledged you since you came outside, You turn your head to face her again. Her eyes are dry and don't seem to really be focused on anything, the tip of her nose and her cheeks are red due to the cold, You notice her lips were stuck in a pout, and were painted a shade of dark red from some nice lipstick, probably expensive, it suited her.

She finally turns her head, Your eyes meeting for a brief moment before quickly looking away, She tilts her head, probably waiting for you to say something and not just stare at her like an idiot. “Since when do you smoke?” 

She exhales her drag, The smoke exiting her body through her nose. “Since I was 11, I use to steal my moms out of her purse when everyone was sleeping.” She stretches her back. “I would lock myself in the bathroom and blow the smoke out of the window, I thought I was so cool.” She let out a sad laugh at the memory. “Now it's just another bad habit I have, amongst other things.”

“Other things?” You ask curiously.

“Bad things, personal things.” She shrugged, You nodded understandingly. “Do you smoke, Natsuki?”

You shook your head, “Nah, if i did my dad would flip out on me.”  You laugh nervously. “Would you mind if I bummed one off you Yuri?”

Yuri reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, Marlboro menthol 100’s. You noticed she only had about 3 left and her pack was kind of crushed, She hands you the cigarette. And you take it and place it between your lips. “got a lighter?” You ask.

She pulls the cigarette from out between your lips and places it between her own, She holds the tip of her lit one to the tip of yours and takes a few drags of it to steal some of the fire, It lights and she hands it back to you, Dark red lipstick makes a ring around the filter. Your face warms up, You place it back between your lips.

You inhale and it  _ burns. _

it feels like you just set your lungs on fire and you can't help but choke, You spit over the railing.

“Wow, you really have no idea how to do this do you?” She laughs a little, Meanwhile you're still trying not to puke on Monika's patio furniture. “H-How-” You cough again. “How do I do it without choking?”

She raises an eyebrow at you, “See what you said right there is exactly why you shouldn't be a smoker, you don't have a reason too, You just wanna try it cause you think it's cool.” She flicks her thumb over the butt of her cigarette, The ash falls on her sweater, She frowns and wipes it off. “You're just wasting your time here natsuki, Smoking isn’t ‘cool, I won't be your enabler.”

“What is  **_That_ ** supposed to mean?” You furrow your brows and glare at her. “You're talking to me like I'm some kind of child, Well I'm not! I'm even older than you are!” You were pissed off, You didn't think it was cool, I mean yeah it did interest you, Especially since Yuri looked so calm doing it. Maybe she was right actually, You thought it looked pretty fucking rad.

"Only by less than two weeks, Which has nothing to do with what I'm saying.” She scowled slightly, Before smirking. “Besides, I'm still taller.”

“Oh that was petty and you know it you b-” You sighed and turned your head away, Pinching the bridge of your nose you speak again, Softer and more apologetic this time, you really didn't wanna fight with the taller girl right now, You came out here and bothered her in the first place, You were in the wrong here and she was only trying to give you some advice. “Look I'm sorry for losing my cool, Just  _ please _ tell me how not to choke on it?”

She sighs before Killing her cig on the railing and tossing it away, She lights another one, Is Yuri a chain smoker? You wonder. “Just keep inhaling until you get used to it, The burning will go away.”

You inhale again and it fucking still burns but you fight the urge to cough, You exhale.You think you're getting used to it, that didn't suck as much as the first drag.

“So,” Yuri turns around, her back now resting against the railing. “Have any plans for Christmas?” You shake your head, “Nope, I don't really celebrate it, I'll probably just stay in my room and watch some old school animes, or something.” You didn't not celebrate it by choice, you always wished you had, You were always so jealous of those little kids in those Christmas movies, waking up in the morning to a tree full of presents and a happy family, You ash your cigarette. Those greedy bastards. You would have given anything for that a few years ago, Now it's just something that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, Worse than the cigarette.

"Well, Me and Monika were going to meet at my house on Christmas eve to wrap presents, I think Sayori might come as well, You should show up it'll be better than sitting home,” She looked back over to you. “Monika wanted me to ask you anyway, she thinks we don't hang out enough as a group.”

Going over to Yuri’s house and wrapping presents with your friends, Or locking yourself in your room and trying not to piss off your dad, Which seemed like the better option here?

“Yea, I'll be there. I uh, don't know your address though.” You adjust your scarf.

Yuri finishes her second cigarette, or third? She was out here by herself for a while before you even showed up anyway so who knows? “I’ll send it you to in the group text chat later tonight, My phone died out about 20 minutes ago, So i cannot do it at the moment.” You nod again and kill your cigarette as well you weren't sure how long you were supposed to smoke it for but Yuri smokes hers down to the filter you noticed, That seemed kinda sketch to you so you only smoked half, 100s were long as fuck anyway. 

Looking down at her wrist watch Yuri’s eyes grew almost comically wide for a moment, “Oh my- it's almost one in the morning my mother will be sick if I'm not home soon, I said i would be an hour ago.”

You chuckled, of course miss too school for cool would have a curfew, That's kinda cute actually, Yuri seems like such a good girl, and she probably is a really good daughter too, I mean fuck she's already an amazing student. “You should head home then, Wouldn't want your mommy to worry, would you?” You say sarcastically, But you don't think that it registers for her.

She smiles softly and then nods. “Yes you are very right, It was nice talking to you Natsuki, I'll see you in a few days I guess,” She goes to give you a handshake but for some reason your brain registers that as ‘Hug’ So you awkwardly wrap your arms around the taller girl, Your face is pressed into her jacket, You inhale her scent, Smoke and.. A really nice perfume. It smells like rose, and musky amber. You breathe it in more..

Yuri coughs awkwardly but pats you on the back regardless.

You quickly pull away and cough into your fist, Your cheeks are definitely red and now not just from the cold “I'll uhh.. See you around Yuri.” She nods and exits back inside to say her goodbyes.

Your thoughts linger on the awkward hug, and how nice her perfume smelled and how nice it was to just talk to her. Yuri wasn't as boring as you thought she was, i mean not that she was entertaining or something just now, but you definitely want to become friends or something at least.

Looking down into your palm you notice you're still holding onto the cigarette butt with her ring of dark lipstick around it, You pocket it.

You sigh one last time and head inside to say your goodbyes before you head home, You were excited for Christmas eve.

You hoped she would be wearing that perfume again.


	2. Sunflowers still grows at night Waiting for a minute till the sun's seen through my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki wakes up the morning after the party, 
> 
> And mornings suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this is just a quick little filler chapter to help me move through the story but its still good!! (I hope) lmao enjoy

The constant notification dings and vibrations coming from the phone next to me woke me from my not so peaceful slumber, my eyes feel dry and still refused to open fully so i squinted and looked to my surroundings, My room. 

I saw the daylight peeking through the light pink curtains covering  the window, I pick  up the phone and look at the time, 9:33 AM, Yikes, slept in a bit today, but i do remember getting home around two in the morning, and immediately preceded knock to out as soon as my face hit the pillow. Whatever at least i didn't have school for the next few weeks, so it's not like I really missed out on anything.

Sliding the touch screen to the right unlocking my phone, I see I have 21+ Notifications Whoever the fuck was spamming me yhis early better be dying or better have a  _ good _ fucking reason for this

Group chat: LIT-erature

Monika: Okay so are we still down for tmw Yuri? I still need a few gifts I need 2 get :0

Yuri: Yes I believe so, I informed natsuki last night and she said she would come, Sayori are you still coming?

Sayori: ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

Yuri: is that a yes or a no

Sayori: ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Monika: ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

Yuri: girls please.

Sayori: ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ) ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ) ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ)

Yuri: …

Yuri: So.. I'll just take that as a yes?

Sayori: YEA!!! I'M SO EXCITED I ALREADY BOUGHT GIFTS FOR YOU GUYS!!

Sayori: let's just say you'll all be happy :3

Monika: Alright! so I have Yuri and natsuki crossed off my shopping list, all I need is a very special gift for you :)

Sayori: u ddnt buy me a gift yet??? Wow I'm hurt wat kind a gf R U (╥_╥)

I groan and rub the heel of my palms intos my eye, Trying to rub away the sleep that still lingers.I remember Monika made this group when the literature club first became official cause she wanted an easy way for all the members to talk outside of club, In case anyone of them needed help with a poem, or something stupid like that.

But in all honesty it's been shit post central.

Sayori just sends memes all day and Monika, her stupidly head over heels in love girlfriend just encourages her, Not that i mind really, the way they support each other is kinda sweet actually.

Sweet as in the way eating a bag of sugar would make you feel sick.

I mean I've never been in a real relationship myself, but the idea of one really freaks me out.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable, But I’m just… Inexperienced.

Picking up the phone i quickly type a reply

Natsuki: You guys start your bs way 2 fykin early

Sayori: NAT

Monika: it awakens.

Yuri: Good morning, natsuki.

Sayori: u better show up to yuri’s on sunday!! N u better have gotten me a good gift OR ELSE.

Yuri: it's not all about the gifts sayori

Monika: Yuri is right, it's about being able to spend time together!

Sayori: n the gifts

Monika: no

Sayori: ya

Monika: no

I yawn loudly and toss the covers to the side, The cold winter air soon envelopes my small form and causes a shiver to run up my spine. 

I get up and slide on the pink bunny slippers resting by my bed, AND THEY ARE NOT CHILDISH, They're just cute okay..?

I walk out of my room and into the bathroom, the door right across from minew in the hallway.

As i walk up to the sink i get a good look at myself in the mirror, my hair was tousled,and my eyes had very noticeable dark circles. I sigh, placing my hands on my  cheeks you slap them slightly. “Okay, time to wake up..” imumble it quietly to myself, Turning on the sink i splash some water on my face, It's cold as fuck and i  _ really  _ regret doing that, but i still need to wake myself up and get ready for the day.

I wonder what the point of getting ready today was, It's not like i was gonna leave the house, or my room for that matter.

I just felt genuinely shitty right now,

But i try to push those thoughts away and try to remember last night, Monika's pre Christmas, Christmas party. (Yes she called it that.)

Last night was.. Really nice.

Remembering some of the things that happened i smile softly, I haven't really gone out much in a while, especially since schools been on break i don't really have a reason to leave my room, Occasionally Me and the other club members would hang out at Monika's house and watch movies together, Those were nice days, Those were the days i didn't have to worry about anything but Sayori eating all the cookies dough i was gonna bake and Monika cheating at cards.

I wish everyday could be like those ones, they were my favorite. But last night party came pretty close, i didn't really talk to anyone besides sayori and monika the whole time, but i still had fun.  

I pat my face dry with one of the hand towels, and j debate on whether or not i should brush my teeth, I decide to take the lazy man's way out and just gargle some mouthwash, Self care at it's finest.

Slowly making my way to the end of the hallway, i peak downstairs for a moment, I see my father is up, Unfortunately.

As i make my way down the stairs i go out of my way not to be too loud with each step, Dad really hates it when i’m noisey, And these creaky stairs really do not help.

As i walk past the older man and into the kitchen neither of us regard each other, i notice a few empty beer bottles lingering around the coffee table and bite the inside of my cheek, I hope today won't be so bad, If i could go the whole day without an incident that would really be nice.

My stomach growls at the smell of food, looking over i only see one plate set at the table my father was eating at.

“Is there anymore?” I ask timidly.

“No, if you're hungry make something yourself.” He says boredly.

I don't even know why i asked when I  already knew the answer to that question.

I walk over to the fridge and open it, Looking inside i see the only things in the fridge are: A bottle of hot sauce, Two bottles of beer, A half eaten strawberry Poptart from 2 days ago, And a apple juice box. The breakfast of champions.

I pout and grab the Poptart and the juice box, i hold the pastry between my teeth so i can poke the top of the juice box with the straw. i successfully pierce the top of the container but some juice squeezes out through the straw and onto my pajama shirt.

“Fuckf.” I curse lowley at myself, but it comes out muffled due to the pastry.

Today is just great.

As i sip my juice and head back upstairs, My phone rings, pulling it out of my back pocket i see it's Sayori calling, I pick up. “Hello?”

“Soooooo natsuki…. Nat… My girl…. What did u get Monika and Yuri for  Christmas, I won't tell I promise!”

I scoff as i open the door to my room, “Yea because that's totally what someone who wouldn't tell would say”  A

fter taking a bite of the pastry i speak again. “I didn't buy Yuri anything yet,  I don't even know what to get her all she reads is horror novels but i feel Like that would be expected y'know?”

Sayori perks up on The other end “Oh! You should totalllly get her a knife she's way into those.”

I laugh a little bit at the thought. “No for real sayori give me a good gift idea you think she would like, You know her more than i do.” As i sit back on the bed, i realize i should probably get around to making it at some point today.

“No no!! Im serious she collects them, She showed me this really pretty blue switchblade with a silver handle she carries with her-” I hear her crunch into something. “-You should give her that pink butterfly knife you have, It's just been sitting in your room for like 3 months”

Wow uh Okay that’s surprising, i mean i was never into knives but it was an impulse buy! It was only around fifteen bucks and it was so pretty, But I just kept it in my drawer, At least now it'll have a use.

But i wonder, what else about Yuri is there to know? It's like every new thing i learn about her just interests me more and more.

“Um yeah that sounds like an actually good idea, Thanks sayori.”

“No problem! That's what friends are for!”

I hear giggle over the call, She crunches on something again. “What do you keep shoving in your face every 5 seconds?” I ask a little bit more coldly than I meant to but she really doesn't let it dampen her mood. “Popcorn kernels!” there is another series of cracks and crunches over the call. i would usually have had something to say to that.. Weird statement but the happy go lucky girl did just help me out with something, So I just laugh and go along with her. “Sounds uh tasty, But thanks again sayori, I'll talk to you later”

“byeee” And with that Sayori hangs up.

Walking over to my desk I pull open a drawer and grab the pink butterfly knife with white dots on it, It felt heavy in my hands, I tried flicking it open and almost sliced my finger In the process, I'll just leave the fancy tricks to her..  

I think back to the previous night once more and to my hug with Yuri, fuck it was so awkward and weird, But it was actually um, Nice? Maybe I'm just overreacting because I haven't had a good hug in a while but Yuri was just so comfortable, I guess that would be the best word to describe the feeling.

And the way her perfume smelled was really nice too, I never really liked the way real perfume smelled it's way too strong and makes my nose burn But yuri’s was so rich and sweet, I wonder what kind it is?

I leave the knife on top of my desk, at least now I have something to give her that she might really like so that's good, I don't know why I'm so hung up on Her today? I never paid much attention to her before, she was just a friend of my friends, but I guess I wanna actually try and be her friend too.

I hope she likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also my apologies for changing the perspective, Please let me know if I should change it back :)


	3. I saw your fingers dimming the lights Like you're used to being told that you're trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls and Natsuki all meet up at Yuri's to wrap presents but unfortunately, Natsuki's curiosity gets the best of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!! I've been busy with Christmas stuff myself but hopefully this chapter is good for everyone things start to pick up in this one ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

December 24th, Christmas eve. 

I never used to really do anything for the holidays, I never had a reason too, But now for once I have plans, Spending Christmas eve wrapping presents with my friends.

I guess you can say I'm.. Happy.

But in all honesty it's so surreal to me, getting to spend a holiday with the people I love and care about.

Funny enough Yuri's house was only 3 blocks away from mine, It was even in a nicer neighborhood too.

I walk up to the front of the house, It's a two story black and white house, It looked old, Not like run down and ugly old, But it's old like the type of house some Victorian age noblemen would have lived In, It was  _ very  _ Pretty, It matched Yuri’s personality.

As i walk up the stone pathway to the front door, I notice Monika’s  _ God awful  _ Lime green Prius parked in the driveway, Her and Sayori must be here already, But for a girl who can get anything she wants I would have figured she would have better taste in cars.I  finally make my way to the large black door and knock three times, The porch light turns on and after a few moments a woman answers the door, She was  _ Gorgeous.  _ Tall with porcelain skin, Long dark purple hair that went past her hips, She looked almost exactly like Yuri, Except her features were more prominent and mature. “You're natsuki, Yes? Come inside, We've been expecting you.” Her voice was Sweet and smooth, like silk. I suddenly found myself nervous and tongue tied. “I-I didn't know Yuri had a S-Sister.” I mumble out, Slightly embarrassed.

“Sister?” The woman placed her fingers over her lips hiding a small giggle. “Oh heavens no, I'm her mother, Naomi.” I feel my cheeks warm up, That was uh embarrassing, The woman-  _ Naomi, _ grabs my shoulders and I freeze for a moment, “Let me hang your coat for you, Yes?”

“U-Uhm yes please, Thank you.” The woman slips the coat off my shoulders and hangs it on the rack by the door, Two others already on It, Monika's light brown coat And Sayori’s bright pink puffer jacket.

Naomi leads me into the living room where the girls were all sitting on the floor, Yuri was absent so Monika and Sayori were making idle conversation over two cups of warm tea, Naomi excuses herself and heads into the kitchen. Yuri's house was small but decorated lovingly modern, almost completely different from the outside of the house. Both girls notice me and smile, “Good to see you natsuki, Come sit, Yuri will be back in a minute.”

I sit down besides Monika, “Guys, Is it just me who thinks this or is Yuri’s mom a total milf?” I whisper quietly to the girls a small laugh slipping past my lips, Sayori is trying her hardest to suppress a laugh, And Monika is just pointing behind me, confusedly I turn around and my soul leaves my body, Yuri is standing right there holding a tray with four steaming tea cups and some cookies on it.

“She's not that great, but to each their own.” Yuri says simply and shrugs her shoulders, she sets the tray down on the black wooden coffee table.

I want to fucking  _ DIE. _

_ REAL FUCKIN’ NICE NAT, YOU'RE REAAAALLL FUCKIN’ SMART. _

Trying to cover myself up I laugh and wave my hands nervously, “Ahaha.. No no It's not like that was just-” she cuts me off by pressing her thumb against my lips, The action shuts me up almost instantly. “Hush.”

Monika and sayori are **not** helping my embarrassment as they are currently busting their guts laughing, Sayori speaks up, tears streaming down her cheeks. “BWAHAHA! NAT THE RAT HAS THE HOTS FOR YURI’S MO-” Monika promptly clasps a hand over her mouth, “I-” She can barely talk through her laughter, “I-I think that's- enough Sayori.” She wipes away her own tears.

I can see Naomi's head peeking out of the kitchen, And Yuri is just quietly sipping on her tea,  _ “I'm gonna fucking die, I hope a mass murderer breaks in right now, And shoots me." _

“So,” Yuri sets her Tea cup down. “Is everyone ready to wrap stuff?”

Sayori pulls out a gift bag. “Oh! Oh! I am!” She pulls out 3 already wrapped gifts. “I figured since we were already getting each other stuff, what's the point of wrapping them if it's just going to ruin the surprise?” She says matter-of-factly.

We were kind of stunned after that, None of us had thought of that actually..

“That's a very good point Sayori,” Yuri reached under the table retrieving a bag she was hiding. “Let's all just exchange our gifts then.”

Sayori perked up grabbing her own bag, “ Oh me first! I wanna show you guys all the awesome stuff I bought!” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a horribly wrapped Crumply package with  _ For Monika ～♡  _ written neatly on the corner, She tosses the package onto Monika's lap. “Girlfriend first privileges I'm assuming?” Monika laughs as she opens the gift and sayori just nods. “Ahuh! Of course!”

Inside the wrapping was a cute pair of fuzzy socks, Me and Yuri are both surprised at this, I bought Monika the  _ exact _ same pair, Monika smiles and looks delighted, She places her thumb and forefinger on The bubbly girls chin and pulls her In for a quick peck, Gross.

“They're exactly what I wanted, Thank you my dear.” Monika runs her fingers over the material of her gift, Meanwhile sayori practically has hearts floating around her.

Yuri clears her throat, We all look over to her, And she's holding the  _ exact fucking same pair _ of socks too.

Monika laughs. “Heheh, I always could use some more.” I cough and hold up my pair of socks for Monika, Sayori’s jaw  _ drops. _

"Whaaaaat are you serious?” The younger girl just whines loudly and tosses herself back onto the large sectional couch.

Meanwhile, Me, Monika, and Yuri are all hysterical at the ironic situation, But soon enough the laughter quiets down, Monika, The now proud own of three identical pairs of pink fuzzy socks, Pulls her pouting girlfriend up by her sweater and pulls her into a somewhat less appropriate kiss, Me and Yuri stare into our tea cups.

They break the kiss and Monika speaks again, “Don't worry, yours are my favorite, I'll cherish them forever.” Yucky yucky public affection.

The gift giving goes on, Monika got sayori a beautiful silver necklace with a diamond heart, (She went to jared.) she got Yuri some novel by the same author who wrote portrait of markov, And she got me the special edition of the parfait girls manga. Let's just say we were all Pretty happy.

Now came my time for the gift I was most anxious about giving, I tap Yuri on the hand and she turns her head towards me, “Yes?” She says curiously, I hold the pastel pink butterfly knife out to her and her eyes go wide. “H-How did you?..” She was so quiet and possibly In shock? I wasn't sure. “Sayori mentioned it to me, I wasn't sure of what gift to give you, But I hope this one is okay at least.” I smile nervously at her, She's quiet for a few moments before placing both of her hands on to mine, “I  _ love _ it, Natsuki.” She takes the knife and immediately looks it over, She seems impressed, You did good Nat, You did good.

_ Hopefully this makes up for calling her mom a milf right in front of her. _

Yuri begins flipping and tossing the knife around in her hands, She's really fucking good at that, No wonder sayori told me to give her this, She's actually wearing a genuine smile and that's rare for Yuri, I'm happy.

“Natsuki this is incredible, 4.5 inch steel blade, Excellent craftsmanship, It’s remarkable,”  She slides her two fingers on the flat part of the knife.

My face feels warm, Way to warm for my own comfort, I tug on my collar. “Um, I'm happy you like it, I've had it for a few weeks and wasn't really doing anything with it, So at least it went to someone who likes it,” I sit up and run my fingers through my bangs wiping away the sweat that's formed. “Is there a bathroom I could use really quick?”

Yuri nods and points behind me, “Up the stairs and to your left it's the door next to mine.”I

I nod my thanks and head up the stairs, The upstairs of the house was much darker and murky than the rest of the house, There was four doors, Three normal doors and one smaller one that was most likely a closet. I look up to see why and there was only a Singular broken light bulb hanging, Odd.

I reach to the door on my left and open it, I quickly walk into the bathroom and splash Ice cold water onto my face and neck, Why is it so hot in here?

I wipe my face on the black towel on the rack, I wonder who's it was, Yuri’s? or Naomi’s? it didn't matter as long as it got my face dry. Even though I inhale some of it's sent.

I peek inside the shower just to probe my curiosity, They have those expensive fancy looking body washes and rose scented shampoo and conditioner, But i don't notice any men's body wash or products, Does Yuri not have a father?

_ "She's lucky.”  _ I bitterly think to myself.

I step out of the bathroom and as I was about to head down stairs, My curiosity was not yet Satisfied,  _ “Yuri said her room was the one by the bathroom, right?” _

I turn around and walk into the room, It was dark and smelled like cigarettes and lots of air freshener that did nothing to hide the smell of burnt Tobacco, I flip the light switch on and a ceiling fan light illuminates the room, and i am met with a horrid sight, The room was messy, As if a tornado of destruction had flown through.

The mattress was torn in certain areas as if someone had slashed it, The sheets and blanket were on the floor along with with pillows as if they were ripped off and left there, There was also massive dents in certain parts of the light gray colored walls.

I walk in more and something crunches under my shoes,  _ Broken glass. _ I wince and step out of it.

_ “Yikes and I thought my room was messy.” _

I know i should leave, I know this room is giving me a bad feeling but I just can't help myself, I can see the bookshelf in the corner is the only thing that's not completely destroyed, But it was still littered with junk.

I can see burn marks and ashes were stuck onto it, I guess she doesn't use ashtrays?

I look back over to the pile of broken glass in the middle of the room, _ “Oh that explains why.” _

But yikes how long has that been there? It looks like she hasn't cleaned since they moved in.

I know I really shouldn't be doing this and I would hate if someone looked through my shit, But I open up one of her drawers.

Huh Yuri wears a lot of boring colors, it's just a lot of black and white shirts and sweaters, Some beige ones are here too, I notice one of the sweaters is a bit bulkier than the others and lift it up.

A half empty bottle of vodka lay underneath it.

My heart drops,  _ “Why does Yuri have alcohol..? Did she drink all this by herself?” _

I move the bottle aside and my heart drops into my stomach, two small dime bags filled with white powder, I immediately close the drawer.

I grip the corners of the drawer and stare into the mirror hanging above it, I am in  _ shock, “I shouldn't have seen that.” _

“Do you like them?”

I hear a voice coming from behind me and my head whips around.

I see Yuri leaning against doorway and I freeze,

_ Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God _

“D-Do I w-what?” I force my voice to come out, It’s shaky and I can feel myself almost start to hyperventilate.

“My perfumes,” She walks over to me and grabs a gold heart shaped bottle sitting on the drawer in front of me, Next to other bottles. “This one is my favorite, Hold your wrist out.” I do as she says and she sprays it a couple times on my sleeve, I smell it and it's the same one she was wearing at the party. “Nice, yeah?” I nod slowly, I still can’t process words, She holds my wrist to her nose and inhales it, “It's called  _ Rapture, _ I always have to have a bottle of it, It's like an addiction.”

“I-It’s very nice.. I-I’m sorry I was just-” She cuts me off for the second time this night by pressing her thumb against lips. “Don't worry about it.” She sets the bottle of perfume down and grabs my hand. “Come let's go back downstairs, I still want to give you my gift.” Yuri has had a small smile on her face since she walked in, Did she see me look through her stuff? How long had she been standing behind me..?

“O-Okay.. Yeah.. Yes, Let's go.” My eyes were still wide and I  _ knew  _ she could tell I was totally freaked out of my mind, She spoke again.”You seem nervous, Do you need a cigarette?” I nod slowly, I'm just agreeing with anything she says at this point, She pulls a cigarette out from behind her ear and lights it, She places it into my mouth, Her fingers press against my lips. “Just relax.” She tells me calmly and I inhale, It doesn't burn anymore, It still tastes bad but it's not horrible.

We stay like this for a few minutes, Her holding the cigarette to my lips so I can take drags, And her smiling calmly at me, My eyes were still wide, And I don't think I've even blinked since she walked in but something about her just puts me at ease, Either that or the cigarette.

“Do you feel it?” She asks quietly, “..Feel what?” I reply.

“The nicotine high, First time smokers usually get them, You feel really relaxed and a little dizzy, yeah?” She places the cigarette between her lips and takes a drag for herself, Finally as I start to come back to my senses I realize I am way more relaxed, I feel slightly dizzy but in a good way.

“Feels good right?” She places the cigarette back between my lips, I inhale it again and nod in agreement.

She smiles sweetly, but before each of can catch it the ash on the tip of the cigarette becomes too long and falls onto my sweater. 

I flinch back slightly, But before I could wipe it, Yuri leans down and she starts  _ licking _ the ash stain. My head is definitely way too dizzy. 

“Don't worry, I got it.” her voice still soft and calming, But my nerves are still ever prominent.

I can see her tongue poke out past her lips as she licks a long line up the front of my sweater. It's suddenly way to hot again, and the nicotine high is definitely not helping me stay focused.

She pulls away and let's me take one more puff before killing the cigarette on the drawer.

“All better now?” She pats my head, I nod again.

“Come on now, I'm sure the others will be waiting for us.” She gently wraps her fingers around my wrist and leads me back down stairs out of the room, But before we make it to the others she whispers in my ear.

_ “Everything stays between us, Okay?” _

She smiles sweetly again, And walks past me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go :)
> 
> As always kudos and feedback are appreciated -Britt (○´3｀)ﾉ


	4. Making out, we've got the radio on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events that took place earlier, Natsuki is still pretty shooken up, But turns out sneaking out to see the source of her worry is just what she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO...I've had a broken phone charger for the past few days so it was hard to get this chapter written because of it but HEY I GOT ONE NOW so 3,2,1, let's jam. 
> 
> ALSO HEADS UP SOME NSFW AHEAD

December 25th 3:02 am. 

I lay awake in the darkness of my bedroom, I've been home since around twelve and I still haven't been able to shake the thoughts of what happened from my mind.

After Yuri and and I headed back downstairs she gave me her gift, A beautiful pastel pink scarf, I haven't taken it off since she wrapped it around me.

I shut my eyes and rub the heels of my palms into them, trying to force myself not to focus on what I found in Yuri’s room, But nothing works.  _ “Should I text her?”   _ She obviously knows that I saw, I hate myself and my damn curiosity about this girl, I've  put myself into a horrible situation, But why would she even have any of that in the first place? And why did her room look like that? I've seen my fair share of messy rooms, Heck even Sayori’s room is messy, But it looked like Yuri had trashed it on purpose herself, Or someone else did.

A ding from a notification on my phone shakes me out of my thoughts, I quickly grab it and I almost choke on my own breathing.

**_1 new message from: Yuri_ **

I stare blankly at the screen for a moment, Yuri and I had never privately texted each other before, sure we were saved as contacts in each others phone because of the group, But we've never texted outside of it.

I quickly swallow back my fear and tap the message to view it.

**_Yuri: Natsuki, Are you sleeping?_ **

My hands shake as i type back a reply.

**_Natsuki: no why what's up?_ **

Her reply was almost  instantaneous.

**_Yuri: I can't sleep, care to go for a drive?_ **

It's so late and I haven't even slept yet, But I'm far from tired, my mind is way too scattered to sleep, i mean I like car rides  and I'm not busy right now..

But why out of all people would she text me? 

I text her back after a few seconds, Don't  wanna look um desperate or something.

**_Natsuki: Sounds like a plan where do you wanna meet up @?_ **

**_Yuri: I'm parked  across the street, In the Lincoln._ **

How did she know my address?

**_Natsuki: I don't know what that is what color car is it?_ **

**_Yuri: black._ **

I quickly get out of bed and peak of my window, I see a black car with the headlights on parked across the street, the windows are tinted so I can't see inside, but there are no other cars parked across the street so i guess it would have to be her.

I already changed into my pajamas when I got home, A pair of light blue shorts and a plain white T-shirt, Should I change? Nah fuck it, way too hard it's 3 am.

I slip on my sneakers, I had never snuck out before, it was exciting but also fucking horrifying, I quietly close the bedroom door behind me.

As I make my way down the stairs, I try to keep my steps light as a feather, but these damn steps were so old and squeaky it was hard to keep quiet, as I made it to the bottom of the steps my heart stopped, I can see my dad sleeping on the couch in front of the tv.

I glup back any fear I have and walk my way over towards the door, As I turn the knob and pull it open a loud  _ “squeeeeeeeeek”   _ fills the house.

I can see him stir in his sleep for a few seconds before settling down again, I feel myself exhale a deep breath I had no idea I was holding, I walk outside and close the door behind me.

As I run across the street I nearly trip and eat shit over my untied shoelace, Really smooth nat really smooth.

As I finally make it to the passenger side of the car Yuri leans over and opens the door for me, “Hop in.” She smiles at me and my legs turn into jello as I stumble my way into the car, I also bump my head on the way in, I'm real fucking lucky man, let me tell ya.

Her hand reaches over and rubs the spot on my forehead where I hit it, “Are you alright?” There's a sound of concern in her voice as rubs the spot softly.

“Just peachy.” I mumble back bitterly.

She pulls her hand away from me so she can shift gears, She pulls away from the curb and starts jetting down the empty street, I barely have time to put on my seatbelt, GOD SHE DRIVES LIKE A FUCKING CRAZY WOMAN, I start having a tug of war with the belt for a few moments as it refuses to extend so I can buckle it, But finally Yuri reached over and clipped it for me.

“I could have done it myself.” I cross my arms.

“But, you couldn't?” She shocked me by letting loose a blissful laugh,  _ god _ is that what her laugh sounds like? I had never heard it before, it made chills to up my spine but in a good way, Yuri never really had expressed much emotion, but in the 21 seconds that I've been In her car I can see a totally different side of the usually stoic and shy girl that I  _ really _ like.

“So uh, Nice whip.” I mumble out nervously, I'm not great at Small talk, okay?

“Whip..?” She tilts her head and look over at me confusedly- BUT I REALLY WISH SHE WOULD LOOK AT THE ROAD WE'RE GOING 65 IN THE FUCKING SUBURBS.

“Y’know.. Uh car?” I tighten my seatbelt.

She bites her bottom lip for a moment and turns away, I think she might have been embarrassed? “O-Oh, yes um thank you, It was my fathers old car actually.”

I just nod in agreement before I kick my feet up on her dashboard, In all honesty I had no idea where in the actual fuck she was driving us to, probably some remote desert location in the middle of nowhere, Where she would hit me over the head with a shovel and bury me alive while I was still unconscious just to keep my mouth shut about her dirty little secrets, I'm quickly shook from my horrible desert murder day dream by the sound of Yuri’s voice. “-atsuk, Natsuki are you listening?” she was snapping her fingers In front of my face.

I feel my cheeks go warm and I laugh out of embarrassment, “Oh- Uh yea, I just zoned out for a little bit there.” I clear my throat, trying to swallow my anxiety quickly.

Why did she make me so nervous? She hasn't had this kind of affect on me before, so why did these past few day suddenly change that? “W-What were you trying to tell me?”

She hands me an old iPod touch with a large crack in the middle of the screen, “If you want to play some music you could, I have a ton of songs downloaded on there, do you see any bands you like?” she asks nervously.

As I look through the song library I can see a lot of songs and bands I never expected Yuri to be into, Artic monkeys, and wheezer, And SlipKnot? huh who knew Yuri liked metal, she speaks up again. “I've had that since I was 15 so I have like, Every early 2000’s rock song ever created downloaded on there, heh.”

“Wow, you listen to muse? I figured you're more of a classical kinda gal.” i laugh as I continue scrolling her music library was very impressive, I wonder if she paid for all these songs.

“Classicial, really, do to you think I'm that boring?” she turns the car into a massive empty supermarket parking lot, “I mean I do enjoy Chopin every now and again but I like listening to music with feeling in it.”

She parks the car near the middle of the large lot.

“So I suppose ‘Bring me to life’ by evanescence is music with Feeling?”  

She looked over at me, her eyes meeting mine. “Don’t we all want someone to save us from the nothing we've become, Natsuki?”

The car was silent for a few seconds before laughter erupted from both of us, I could hardly catch my breath in between laughs, And she was leaned forward on the steering wheel, her shoulders heaving with each breath. “H-How much have you listened to that song to be able to quote it so normally?” I ask as I wipe the tears forming at the corner of my eyes.

“Um.. Hahaha..” she rubbed the back of her.neck awkwardly. “A lot actually, I used to love the lyrics, i related to them.” She rolled down the window on her side and pulled a pack of cigarettes and a black bic lighter out of her jacket, she really does smoke a lot, at least from my understanding, It's so fucking gross and unhealthy but I can't help it as my body craves for one. She places the cigarette between her lips, She flicks the lighter a few times trying to get it to work, I can see her growing frustrated, She shakes it a few times before trying to light it again and it finally works, A low small flame appears and she quickly presses it into the tip of her cigarette. 

I'm so mesmerized by the simple act of watching her light a cigarette, The way she takes a couple drags without actually inhaling it so the fire spreads evenly on the tip is so methodical, and I can't take my eyes off of her lips the entire time.

“You're staring pretty hard you know, If you want one you can just ask.” one of the corners of her mouth turn upwards in a small smirk, I graciously accept the cigarette and hold my hand out for the lighter. “Are you sure you don't want me to light it for you?” She asks, and I shake my head. “No that's okay I wanna try it.”

I flick my thumb downwards on the flint wheel and push the gas button, it lights up and I quickly hold it to the cigarette for a few seconds but it doesn't light up? I turn my head over to Yuri.

“You're supposed to suck in when you do it.” Smoke comes out of her mouth as she speaks.

“Um, okay yea i totally knew that.” I didn't.

I try again once more but this time inhaling as I hold the fire to the tip, and voila! It ignited. But as it lit smoke quickly entered my lungs and throat, i tried to keep it in, but i shakily exhale with a quiet cough.

Yuri speaks up, “You know,” She ashes out the open window. “If you can't handle taking regular drags I can show you something that might be easier on you.”

“Okay what do I do?.” I roll down my window so I can ash.

“Well.. I take a drag and then pass it on to you, mouth-to-mouth.” As soon as she finished speaking she turned her head away shyly, her porcelain cheeks now look as if they were dusted in a light coating of crimson. “But I mean.. It's only if you wanted to try.”

I feel my own face warm up at the thought, But I quickly sat up more and turned towards the purple haired girl, “Yeah okay, I'm down, yeah.”

  
“Alright.” She placed her own cig back between her lips, she takes a long drag but I notice she doesn't take it into her lungs, she just holds it inside of her mouth, before setting her cig down in the cars ashtray, I do the same. She turned her attention back to me, and reached out to gently grab my chin between her thumb and forefinger, i allow her to open my mouth as she carefully blows out the smoke into it, I suck it in, and i’m amazed at how light it feels, I close my eyes.

I can feel our lips touching, this Is such a close and intimate act, It's 42 degrees outside but yet my body feels hot all over, I really hope she can't feel how warm my face is.

I feel her gentle breath stop against my lips, and to be honest I'm actually really disappointed, but before I can really mind she whispers against my still parted lips, “Exhale.” And I do just that, It comes out so smoothly and nice, I can feel my head start to get dizzy again but I just pass it off as another nicotine buzz, I slowly opened my eyes and I'm immediately met with her half lidded orchid ones.

Neither one of us pull away after that, we just stay locked there for a few moments, I feel as if time around us has stopped, I don't wanna pull away I really don't, I don't know why but.. I just wanna stay in this moment forever.

And judging by Yuri’s next action I think she agrees, The tip of her tongue flicks out and pokes against my bottom lip, I freeze up, I find myself unable to form a proper sentence, So I do the only reasonable thing I can think of,

I lick her lips back.

And that was the point everything in that moment changed, She roughly pressed her lips onto mine, and I pressed back just as hard, She entangles her fingers into my hair, and I wrap both of my arms around her shoulders, our lips meet into a sloppy and desperate kiss, I feel her teeth gnawing at my lips between each movement, my head was cloudy and I couldn't think straight, literally. My only worry in the world at this moment was being as close to Yuri as possible.

I feel her force her tongue past my lips and deep into my mouth, I wrap my lips around it and she  _ groans,  _ And it's the most delicious sound that I've ever heard. The kiss continued on for at least 3 minutes but to me it felt like forever, We were both panting and out of breath, She's the first one to break the connection, “Get in the back seat.” She desperately begs, she reaches over to unbuckle my seat belt.

“Is this really happening?” I'm still in total disbelief at the whole situation, I climb into the back seat.

“This is happening.” Yuri reassures me as she climbs into the back as well.

She gently presses against my shoulder for me to lay down, She takes off her jacket and quickly folds it and places it under my head, How thoughtful of her.

The kissing once again starts, our tongues invade each others mouths, I wrap my arms around her, I want her as close to me as possible in this moment, Her hands grip my thighs and pull my legs up, I wrap them around her, She places one hand on my hip and the desperate kisses continue.

I bite on her bottom lip and pull it back, She leans into the bite and our teeth clash, She pulls away for a second and I fear I may have hurt her, But those thoughts are quickly lost as I feel my neck jaw bombarded with her warm lips and tongue, It's almost too much for me, this is complete and total  _ bliss. _

I can't suppress it anymore, A loud moan escapes my lips, And my body trembles.

As I lay there waiting for her to continue, she stops, I open my eyes and I can see her looking away shyly.

“W-What’s wrong, Why'd you stop?” I practically pant out my words.

“Can.. Can I…” She starts off but can't quite get the words out, She was really pretty when she was nervous.

“Can you…?” I trail off.

Still refusing to meet my gaze, She mumbled quietly, less than a whisper in fact. “What? I can't hear you talk louder.” I bite my bottom lip impatiently.

“..Can I touch you under your clothes?”

Oh.

_ Oh. _

This time I heard her clearly, And now I was the tongue tied one.

Was I going to let the girl who I thought hated me last week, got me into smoking, and has questionable things hidden away in her drawers, Feel me up in the back of her car at almost four in the morning?

_ You're damn right I was. _

Still unable to find my words, I just let my actions speak for me, I grab her hand and place it under my shirt.

And with that Yuri’s lithe fingers slowly rake up my abdomen, her hand reaches one of my breasts and I feel her palm press in, I mean don't get me wrong, My chest wasn't.. As great compared to other girls, But A cups could totally be sexy okay?  

I mean at least Yuri thinks so, I uh hope./p>

The pad of her thumbs rolls against my nipple and I melt on the spot, I can feel a damp spot starting to form in my underwear, It makes me uncomfortable, I wrap my legs tighter around Yuri.

She reaches down so she can pull my shirt up, and I freeze.

This is all too much for me, I was  _ really _ fucking enjoying myself a few minutes ago, but with the strange unfamiliar heat forming in my stomach, Everything just becomes too much for me, My underwear was getting wet, She's gonna think I'm so disgusting, I can feel myself getting overwhelmed, This was too fast, This was going way too fast. 

She bites down my  _ hard _ on my neck and I quickly shove her away.

I panic and quickly sit up, and adjust my shirt back down, It takes me a few seconds to regulate my breathing, But when I do I look over and see Yuri sitting up as well.

“What in the actual fuck just happened.” I turn to her.

“I… I don't know I'm sorry, i couldn’t control myself being that close to you, I didn't plan on kissing you I swear that's not why I brought you out here.” she clears her throat. “but when our faces were that close to each other.. I.. I couldn't help it, You looked too pretty not to kiss.”

I touch my lips, “That was my first kiss.”

She places two fingers to her own lips. “Mine too.”

She hops over back into the front seat. “It's getting late, I'll drive you home.”

I stay in the backseat, I'm still in shock and my mind is just running through the memories of what we just did, Yuri was my first kiss, And I was hers.

I knew this was going to keep me up tonight.

The car drive home was silent and wasn't as fast, but it was still nice.

A shiver runs up my spine and i can feel chills all over my arms. “Can you turn on the heat? It's cold as dicks back here.”

"The heaters broken, this car is junk I'm sorry,” We turn down a corner and we're back in the neighborhood houses. “My jacket is back there put it on.”

I reach next to me and slip on the taller girls leather jacket, It's way too big for me, But it's warm and it smells like her perfume, I sigh in content.

5 Minutes later we pull up across the street from my house, Yuri is silent.

I open the door and step outside, But before i close the door I speak one last time. “This was uh, Fun we should go driving again sometime.” 

Yuri smiles warmly at me. “I would love that, Good night, Natsuki.”

I close the door and she drives off, I touch my lips one more time as I watch her car get smaller and smaller as it drives away in the distance, Merry Christmas indeed.

Before I go back inside i suddenly realize something.

_ “I forgot to take off her jacket.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took wayyyyy to long to write and to be honest I have some of the story planned out (especially the ending lmao) but I'm kinda stuck on writing chapters inbetween the parts i wanna get to, Like they weren't even gonna kiss in this chapter when I started writing it but oh well lol LEAVE SOME SUGGESTIONS is there anything i need to work on more and is there anything you'd maybe like to see out of this story? Leave a comment and let ya girl kno “ψ(｀∇´)ψ


	5. I know when that hotline bling (That can only mean one thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts happen, Nervous phone calls are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verrry sorry about the late Update! I write from my phone so having a broken charger makes this hard lol also I was kinda stuck for this chapter.
> 
> Lotttss of dialogue below BE WARNED

Five days, five whole days since I've seen Yuri. 

And five whole days since what happened in her car.

I can still feel my cheeks get warm at the memory, god it was so nice.

I can almost still feel her soft lips on mine, and the way her hands felt on my body, Part of me regrets that I stopped her from continuing, but maybe we can just do all of that again next time, if there uh is one?

But what did this make me and Yuri?

I mean friends just don't make out and feel eachother up right? So were we more than friends?

Does this mean Yuri is my  _ girlfriend _ now?

Wow.

Me with a girlfriend, it's almost too good to be true.

Should I text her? What if I'm going all wrong about this? What would I even say to her?

I need some help.

_

**_Natsuki created the Group: HELP_ **

**_Natsuki added Monika to the group_ **

**_Natsuki added Sayori to the group_ **

**_Natsuki: so uh I think I need some advice guys_ **

**_Sayori: OH a new group! R we telling secrets_ **

**_Natsuki: kinda._ **

**_Monika: what's up?_ **

**_Natsuki: Okay so THIS CANNOT LEAVE THIS GROUP UNDERSTAND?_ **

**_Monika: yes sir_ **

**_Sayori AYE AYE CAPTAIN~_ **

**_Natsuki: okay so remember Christmas eve when we all hung out and stuff?_ **

**_Monika: yes I remember I dropped you and sayori home, What about it?_ **

**_Natsuki: Well later that night uh, Yuri drove to my house and picked me up._ **

**_Natsuki: and we uh kissed and stuff in her car._ **

**_Sayori: YURI HAS A CAR_ **

**_Monika: Y OU WH A T_ **

**_Natsuki: LISTEN MAN IDK IT WAS JUST IN THE MOMENT OKAY WE WERE SMOKING AND OUR FACES WERE CLOSE TOGETHER_ **

**_Natsuki: NEXT THING I KNOW SHE'S FEELING ME UP IN THE BACK SEAT_ **

**_Sayori has changed the group name to: Gay panic_ **

**_Sayori: YOU STOLE FIZZY LIFTING DRINKS_ **

**_Monika: OHHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOD_ **

**_Natsuki: GUYS PLEASE I'M SERIOUS I NEED HELP PLEASE_ **

**_Monika: WHAT KIND OF HELP_ **

**_Sayori: YOU STOLE FIZZY LIFTING DRINKS_ **

**_Natsuki: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN_ **

**_Natsuki: and does this mean she's my girlfriend now? It was both of our first kisses and you guys are gay and a couple n shit so maybe u can tell me what this means????_ **

**_Monika: I'm sorry I still can't believe this_ **

**_Monika: and unless you two have talked about it first I don't think you're a couple… To be completely honest I had no idea you two were even friends lol._ **

**_Sayori: nah ur totally a couple u should send her nudes_ **

**_Monika: DO_ **

**_Monika: NOT_ **

**_Sayori: better yet send me nudes_ **

**_Monika: S A Y O R I ._ **

**_Natsuki: so should I just ask her?_ **

**_Monika: yes! that is the most logical thing to do, Also I hope you two end up together! we can all go on double dates!!!_ **

**_Sayori: was she a good kisser did u guys get to 3rd base?_ **

**_Natsuki: I'm going to kick ur fukcing ass sayori_ **

**_Natsuki: and thanks Monika I will._ **

**_Natsuki has left the group_ **

**_Sayori: so Monika about thos nudes_ **

**_Monika: does your libido have no end?_ **

**_Sayori: snd n00dz_ **

**_Monika has left the group_ **

**_Sayori: :(_ **

**___ **

Just talk to her?

Okay, okay I can do that.

I scroll through my contacts and quickly find her number.

I hit call and the phone rings for a few seconds before I hear her on the other line.

_ “Natsuki?” _

“H-Hey, Yuri..”

_ “what's wrong you sound nervous, are you alright?” _

I suck in a deep breath as i try to steady myself, I exhale after a few seconds and speak again. I lay down on my mattress and place the phone under my ear. “I just wanted to talk to you about something real quick.. Uhm.. and yea, I'm a little nervous I guess, Or a lot.”

I hear the girl laugh on the other line, it sounds so sweet. My nerves are getting the better of me.

_ “What's on your mind?”  _ Her voice is smooth, almost cheeky, god she's messing with me. 

"About what we did a few days a-ago.. What does that make us?” fuck am I really doing this?

_ “Hmm.. Well that's up to you.”  _ I can practically FEEL her smirk over the other line.

“Does this mean you're my.. my..” my words get stuck in my throat.

_ “It’s okay, just say it.” _

“Are you my girlfriend now?”

The line is quiet for a few seconds, I would've feared she may have hung up if it weren't for her breathing kinda loudly. “..please give me an answer.”

_ “Would.. Would you like me to be your girlfriend?” _

The call is quiet for a little bit, The question hangs heavy between both of us.

Never had I really thought about what the aftermath of this situation would be, Would we hold hands in school and eat lunch together? Would we go for drives again late at night? would we go on dates and watch movies together?  _ Would she still drink and take drugs? _

I push the last thought to the back of my mind.

“I would like that, yeah.”

I hear the phone get muffled for a second, as if she's pressed the microphone against something.  _ “Then yes, Natsuki, I am yours.” _

My heart stops and leaps into my throat and I can't help but mumble out my words.

“I love..you.” 

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

WHY AM I SO STUPID? 

That had to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever said in my whole life.

I said it way too fucking fast and I'm Totally gonna creep her-

_ “I love you too.”   _ she excitedly says the words and my heart stops.

Oh.

Well that went better than expected.

“Do you maybe wanna do something tomorrow.. like a date?”

_ “how about breakfast, we can watch the sun come up over pancakes.” _

“I would like that.”

_ “Until then, My natsuki.” _

She's the first one to hang up, I can't feel my body for the next 10 minutes. Everything is so unreal to me right now.

Fuck the world and everyone in it, I have a girlfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the writing seems sloppy (which it is lol) but the way I view natsuki's feelings are similar to the way you feel when you get your first significant other, like oh, we kissed you're my girlfriend right? Poor sweet innocent girl.


	6. A syrupy sweet downwards spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean what's better than having pancakes with your new girlfriend while you watch the sunrise? 
> 
> Anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a cute first date cute cute cute
> 
> I also had to change tbe rating from mature to explict ... A lot of the next chapters are going to be pretty uh, more than mature.

Sweet syrupy little fluffy cakes of goodness, yum yum yum.

Pancakes we're the bomb, Especially when sharing them with your _girlfriend,_ on the hood of her car.

I'm pretty happy, I mean what more can you ask for in life?

I can tell Yuri was just as happy as I was, she hasn't stopped smiling since she picked me up this morning, She drove us to Denny's and we got an order of chocolate chip pancakes (that we share, because we're cute like that.) And two coffees.

She liked hers black, It was the exact opposite of mine, Lots of cream and lots of sugar. She let me take a sip of it and I thought I had tasted death itself.

IT WAS SO BITTER.

She laughed at me and patted my head, “i didn't like it at first either.” I give her my cup so she can taste how coffee is supposed to be drinken.

She takes a sip and her face immediately contorts as if someone had just kicked a puppy in front of her- or more accurately, as if someone had torn a page out of one of her novels.

She swallowed it, a visible shiver ran up her spine. “Natsuki, that has to be one of the most disgusting things i have ever drank in my life, It's just pure sugar?”

I frown and take my cup back, “Actually it's lots of cream and _lots_ of sugar, Not just pure sugar.” I take a sip and the warm goodness touches my soul. “Besides it's waayyy better than the death in a cup you drink.” She just smiles and sips her own.

The view in front of us was honestly breathtaking, After we got breakfast she found a nice little cliff side where we can park and watch the sunrise, It was around 5:17 am and the sun was nowhere near risen yet, The sky was still a murky blue, But I thought it was beautiful.

I cut a piece of the Pancake off with my fork, I make sure it's a reaaaally good bite, With lots of syrup and a lot of chocolate chips, I hold the plastic fork up to my girlfriends lips, Gosh it still feels so unreal saying that, _My girlfriend._

She looks at the fork and then back to me, she turned one eyebrow up.

“Let me feed you.” I continue holding the fork up

Realization hits her face and she shyly parts her lips, I place the fork in her mouth and she bites down softly, wow, even the way she eats is graceful.

“It's good,” she wipes away a small bit of syrup from her bottom lip with her thumb. “Let me feed you.”

She picks up some of the pancake with her fork and holds it up to my mouth, I lean forward so I can take the bite, But a little bit of chocolate smudges on the corner of my mouth. Before I can lick it off she leans forward and presses her lips against mines, I press back for a chaste kiss, As she pulls back she licks the chocolate off. “I got it.” _Fuck she is a_ _dorable._

In the distance the sky was beginning to turn a light orange, The sun was coming up. I place the take out tray of pancakes on my lap so I can scooch over and lay my head on Yuri's shoulder, I sigh in content.

“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me, natsuki?” Yuri speaks softly, so softly in fact if I weren't paying such close attention to her, I would have missed it.

“Yeah i did,” I said matter-of-factly. “Did you?” I whisper just as softly back.

But to be honest I don't know if I did really love Yuri.

I mean.. Don't get me wrong here I'm super stoked to see her and spend time like this with her, but besides all that she's almost a total sranger, We weren't even friends before all of this.

Look I'm not saying I regret this or anything, but she is my _first_ relationship after all, I don't even think I know what love is. Part of me wishes I would have waited longer before we started going out and stuff, So we can get to know each other better and stuff y’know? Another part of me is scared, scared of the parts of Yuri I don't know about, My mind still shakes with the memory of her room and her drawer.

_Did I really want to be with some kind of alcoholic druggie?_

Okay, maybe calling her those names is going a little too far, But you can't really blame me, wouldn't you be a little on edge too?

Her voice shakes me from my thinking,

“I love you more than anything or anyone in this world, Natsuki.”

She leans her head on top of mine, I glance up just in time to see her eyes close softly.

“I've been in love with you since the very first day i saw you..” She places her lips against the top of my head and gives it a little kiss.

“R-Really?” I mutter out nervously, I can already tell my cheeks are cherry red, and not just from the cold.

“Mhm.. I mean it started out as a small infatuation at first, and I thought it would just pass, but.. I can't help myself when I like something I just become overly fond of it.” She wraps an arm around me, holding me closer. “It took less than a day after us meeting for me to really fall for you, isn't that funny?” She lets out a small little laugh.

“But all we did was argue and curse each other when we first met?” I look up at her, I'm very much perplexed. “I really thought you hated me until like, last week.”

She goes quiet for a moment.

“It's physically impossible for me to ever think negatively of you, my sweet girl.” She affectionately presses her lips against the top of my head, leaving another small kiss, I should be feeling happy.. And all those butterflies in my stomach.. but for some reason I just feel uncomfortable.

Yuri has been in love with me since we first met, _Last year._

This girl, This wonderful girl who is way out of my league, has been in love with me, for an entire year, And i was clueless. I can't believe this, I mean she's not a liar or anything, you can ask anyone in the club and they would say Yuri's an honest girl, and she is.

But i don't know how I feel, We've only been dating for less than twenty-four hours and I'm already having second thoughts.. But by the way shes been acting, she's clearly head over heels.

“You always gave me the cold shoulder.. I figured you uh, hated me, like really badly.” I pull my scarf over my lips.

“I was just uh, always too nervous to talk with you, in all honesty I was afraid to make a fool of myself and scare you off..” she turns her head away from me and gaze towards the now rising sun, her eyes were glazed over. “But now I know that you're mine, and I'm yours.”

I pull away and look back at her, my eyes had gone wide, and I finally understand that I definitely rushed into things with Yuri. “I-I’m yours…?” I pull the scarf off my neck, suddenly the winter weather was now suffocating me.

She places both of her hands on the sides of my face, Her eyes are half lidded, I truly don't think I've ever seen Yuri this happy before.

She nods her head, “Mhm, I am yours, And you are mine, Forever.” her thumbs affectionately rub my cheeks, Her eyes staring lovingly, Lovingly straight through my soul and entire being.

I felt as if a million pairs of eyes had suddenly opened up on her body and were looking inside of me, at my beating heart and all of my organs.

“F-Forever?” I stuttered out.

“Forever.” Her words were filled with nothing but love and devotion.

She pulls me into a kiss, A hungry kiss full of compassion, and promise, A kiss so deep it felt like nothing i've ever experienced before, It was pure  _love._

I kiss back and tears sting the corners of my eyes, She's going to eat me alive.

 _She's going to devour me,_ She kisses back harder.

 _She's going to devour me,_ My tongue presses past her Lips and into her warm welcoming mouth.

 _She's going to devour me,_ I feel the tears finally fall.

_She's going to devour me,_

  
_And I'm going to let her._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well let's get this show on the road :) 
> 
> Comments kudos and suggestions are always appreciated. ♡´･ᴗ･`♡
> 
> "Is this gonna be vore?" - my bf after proof reading 
> 
> A ND NO IT'S NOT


	7. Drink till it burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tears are shed. Some thinking is done. Some make outs happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Hi!!! Sorry this chapter took so long to get out I've been sleeping horribly the last few days and haven't had the strength to really write anything so I wrote this chapter in bits and pieces

I love car rides, but I hate the way Yuri drives. You would assume for such a timid person she would probably drive slow like a geezer, but **nope,** she's a speed freak.

As you can probably tell I'm near damn close to pissing myself, not only is she doing 80mph but she's driving with _one_ fucking hand on the wheel because she's changing songs on her iPod with the other one. “Do you want me to do that for you?” I reach out for the cracked device.

“Here,” She hands me it, I still can’t get over how outdated this piece of junk is, do they even still make these fucking things anymore? “I Can’t find anything good, you find us a song.” She puts her other hand back on the wheel. _OH THANK YOU GOD._

I let go of the grab handle I was holding onto for dear life. “Uhh… you have a lot of songs, anything you in the mood for? Maybe some soft rock? Alternative? Ya’ like jazz?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her but the gesture goes unnoticed, I frown and continue scrolling

“I downloaded some new songs on there I think you would like,” She pushes down harder on the gas, making the car accelerate more. I tighten my seat belt. “Actually there's a playlist I made for you, Put that on tell me what you think.”

“You made me a playlist?” I tap my thumb on the button marked as _PLAYLISTS,_ And there it is plain as day, _Natsuki songs._ “That’s.. Really sweet actually.”

Yuri scratches her cheek, I look over and there's a visible shade of pink dusting her cheeks. “Oh.. It’s nothing really, I made it earlier today.”

No one's ever done anything like this for me before, I mean yeah it is just a small gesture but there's a lot of songs on here, and some of them aren't half bad, she even added some lo-fi songs I like, Monika or Sayori probably told her what music I listen to, that's… Honestly really cute. “This is fucking awesome, uhm, thanks Yuri.”

She smiles warmly at me and places her hand on my thigh, I tense up. “Anything for my favorite girl.”

She leaves her hand there as we drive, part of me wants to slap it off or spit on it or something, but that would uh be mean I guess, Plus couples just do these kinds of things anyway..

Her hand is warm, and her thumb rubs against my thigh affectionately. I want to throw up, why can't I just be used to this? She's my fucking girlfriend now and I'm still unnerved by her, please Nat can you stop thinking like a fucking asshole for more than two minutes please?

  
She turns a corner and we're back in the city, it's funny y’know almost everytime I'm in this car I have no idea where she could be taking me.

Looking through the song selection one song catches my eye, But i, being the evil genius/asshole that i am, have another idea.

I wonder how Yuri will feel about this? I disconnect her iPod from the aux cord and plug it into my phone instead, One quick Spotify search and the music plays, Yuri looks over to me confusedly, “I didn't add this song to the-” I quickly cut her off as the lyrics kick in. “I love bad bitches that's my fuckin’ problem!” I start banging my head to the loud obnoxious rap song and I can see Yuri is just completely _done._

“And yeah I like to fuck I got a fuckin' problem!” I turn the car radio volume higher, the bass vibrates loudly as we pull up to a red light, the cars beside us roll up their windows, hmmmmmm I wonder why?

as I continue horribly rapping the lyrics, Yuri is trying her hardest to hide her smile behind her hand, i lean myself over to her side to bump her shoulder. “Come onnn yuri! Rap with me you're my bad bitch!” When the words leave my mouth the purple haired girl cannot keep her composure any longer and she lets out this loud wheezing laugh, she snorts when she laughs, that's oddly cute, I can't help but laugh along with her.

As soon as we both catch our breath I turn the song off. "Natsuki, that has to be one of the most crude things I have ever seen you do,” she leans towards me and the corners of her lips turn upwards into a cheeky smile. “And I loved it.” She goes in more to try and kiss me and I freeze again, unsure of what to really do i just panic and lick her mouth.

I'm really the dumbest person on the face of this planet if you couldn't tell already.

“Gross.” She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, she wipes her hand on my face. “Wha- yuck! You're gross!” I playfully shove her.

She still just smiles lovingly at me.

The light turns green and we drive away.

_Bzz. Bzz._

I pull the vibrating phone out of my pocket.

___

**_2 New messages_ **

**_Sayori: do bees have feelings_ **

**_Sayori: I just killed one by accident bcuz i thought it was a waspy boi and i feel bad what if he had a family._ **

**_Natsuki: bees are going extinct this is your fault_ **

**_Monika: wow murderer_ **

**_Sayori: WHAT NO I'M NOT IT WAS JUST 1 BUZZY BOI!!!_ **

**_Monika has changed the group name from LIT-erature club to BEE MURDERER_ **

**_Monika: you must atone for your sins._ **

**_Sayori: I'M SOR R Y IT WAS AN ACCIDENT_ **

**_Natsuki: as much as i would loveee to pick on sayori rn I'm actually on a date talk later yea?_ **

**_Monika: OHH U DID IT!!!_ **

**_Sayori: ARE YOU GONNA TAKE YURI TO THE B O N E Z O N E_ **

**_Natsuki: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**_Natsuki: we're just driving n stuff_ **

**_Natsuki: idk what to do I'm nervous_ **

**_Sayori: tell her to take you to the bone zone_ **

**_Monika: don’t tell her that, please._ **

**_Sayori: Did you guys know that even with seatbelts people die all the time in car crashes? I just thought that was interesting_ **

**_Monika has removed Sayori from the chat_ **

**_Natsuki: Take the L._ **

**_Monika: don't be nervous natsuki I'm sure everything will be fine :)_ **

____

  
Yuri taps me on the shoulder and i quickly put my phone down, “Bone zone, huh?” she shows me the text conversation on her phone.

Oh yeah right, I forgot she was in that group.

I sink back into my seat, i think i'm dying, like physically dying from embarrassment.

Yuri gently pats my head, “You said you were nervous, My love, you know you can always tell me what is on your mind.” Her words are reassuring and comforting to me. But I really can't just come out and say _“Hey Yuri! I know you're happy and stuff, but you kinda scare me a little. And due to the years of trauma I've experienced from my dear father, I feel as if everyone is out to get me, and i have no idea how to properly express or receive love.”_

Or uh, can I?

“I'm just-” I bite my tongue. “First date jitters I guess, ahahah…” I hate myself, I really do.

I wish.. I just wish I can REALLY talk to her, she's an understanding and quiet person, but she's not my fucking therapist now. Just because we're dating doesn't mean I get to unload all my stupid fucking emotional baggage on her right away, I mean this is _literally our first date._

“Lying is not a good look on you, Natsuki.” She softly rakes her fingers down my scalp so she can scratch the back of my neck, It makes me….tingly. “Wuh- I am **not** lying, You're out of your mind." I remove the hand at the back of my neck, Yuri flinches, she quickly retracts her hand.

I feel horrible for doing that.

She sighed and looked back towards the road, “Look..” she turned a corner and we were back in the neighborhood, was she dropping me home this quickly? It's only 6:17 am. “Natsuki, we just started dating and uhm..” She mumbles out nervously and oddly slow, as if she were trying to find words that wouldn't offend me.

Oh fuck, fuckfuckfuck.

She's gonna break up with me isn't she? Way to go, Natsuki you truly are the fucking scum of this earth.

Less than 24 hours into my first relationship and I'm already single great fucking great, Whatever, i don't need her.

  
Y̵̦̣͓̘͖̩̲̤̦͍͔͕̼̰͆͆́͒̅͆̓̀ͫ̃͋ͫ͑͞ͅo̴̸͕͓͔̝̳͙̝̦̺͙͛̐ͬ͂͜͟u̸̡̟̩̫̘̽ͮ̓̽̃̿͌̆̚͘ ̢̜͈͔̯̯͖̱̝̬̮̻̠͙̩͎ͣ̾̀̊͛̐́̂ͧͦͪͭͧͫ̉ͦ̌́͢͡n̡̤̤̦͎ͧ̽͆ͩ͛̿ͪͨ͑̓̎̅̿̒̊̕͞e̴͗̽̽ͥͣͪ̈͏̠̲̞͇̦̳̝̰̟͞ͅȩ̳̰̩͉̞̪̹̖̤ͮͫ̽ͨ̉̀ͣͣ̒d̸̫̹̩͚͛͋͆̅̇̿ͪ͑̅̎ͤͥ͛ͦͫ͒͞ ͒͗͋͌̓ͨͩ̈҉̷̷̷̮̳̩̱̟̱͍͔͓̙̭̝̘h̢͒̊ͦͩͧ̒̔͌̚͝҉̩̠̙̥̩̼̱̬̘̫̺ę̵̼̞͈̳̠̪̳ͨ̋ͫ̇͑ͧ͊ͨ̓̈̍̇̉͐̿̚r̴̢̰̜̺̻̥͎̹̻̦̦͋ͫ̐ͨͩ͋ͅ.͗ͨ̇͒̈͒ͮ͌͞҉̮̝͖̻͔͜

͝

Who am I kidding..? I need her, I fucking _need her._ Fuck my feelings, FUCK my insecurities, I can learn to love to her, I need to get over this.

Yuri sucks in a deep breath before speaking, “I don't expect you to open up to me right away,” She exhales. “But, I want you to know I'll be here for you okay? I have your back.” She hesitantly holds her hand out towards me, I accept and intertwine our fingers together, how lovey dovey.

“I understand you don't really trust me yet, but just know, I trust you with my life.” She presses my hand to her lips, “I would give my life for yours if you asked me to, I will never hurt you, My sweet sweet girl.. I really do love you, Natsuki.”

I'm unable to find my voice for a few minutes, the drive is quiet, “Y-Yuri.. I-” I can't finish my sentence, The tears come hot and fresh, Stinging the corners of my eyes as they run down my cheeks.

I pull her hand towards my face, I don't know why I'm so.. Emotional, I must really be fucked in the head huh?

I sit sobbing against Yuri's palm for a few minutes, The car Is quiet, Yuri is quieter.

My chest heaves, and my nose feels runny.

I must look like a mess, But Yuri is just smiling so fucking _lovingly,_ at me.

I'm lucky, I'm fucking lucky to have her, She's an angel,  _My angel._

“Are we okay?” She asks softly, As if she were talking with a child.

She's not wrong in that, I know I'm acting pretty immature right now.

“Do we want something to drink?” She wiped the tears off my cheek with her thumb, I nod softly.

I look around and noticed were parked in her driveway, Oh, She brought me to her house.

She unlocks the car doors, We both step out and she leads me down the short pathway to the door.

Before she opens the door she wipes her thumb across the corner of my eye, Wiping away a newly formed tear.

She sticks her thumb in her mouth and opens the door.

I don't know if I should be freaked out or turned on?

Both? Yes, Both is what I will go with.

As we walk Into the living room I'm greeted by the sight of Naomi sitting comfortably on the couch having coffee and watching tv.

She's wearing a dark red silk nightgown, I can feel my cheeks flush something near that color.

She smiles warmly at us, “I didn't know we were having friends over, I would have dressed up.” She pulls her long hair down from its loose bun, It cascades down her shoulders. I felt as if time went slow for those few seconds, “Hello, Natsuki. It's  _very_ nice to see you again. It's also nice to know that my recluse of a daughter has friends besides Monika and sayori,” She sips her coffee, A little drips onto her bottom lip and she wipes it away. “Don't get me wrong, those girls are like my other daughters, But diversity is nice, No?”

I can't tell how long I was staring for, But it had to be a while considering Yuri had to bump me, I had to physically pick up my dropped jaw “O-Oh, Uhm-.. Yeah, It's good to see you again too, Misses Yuri's mom-” The older woman cuts me off, “Naomi.” Her tone sent a shiver down my spine, “Naomi, right- Uh, And hahahaaah… Yeah i know what you mean.”

The woman just smiles and returns to her shows, Yuri grabs me by the hand and pulls me upstairs, “B-But, Drink-” She cuts me off, “I have drinks in my room.”

_Yeah, she definitely does._

Once we're upstairs and in her room she locks the door behind us, She is like, _really,_ on edge all of a sudden, Did i manage to fuck up again somehow?

She sat down on her bed, Which i might add is now messing it's black bed frame, uh, I'll just ask about that later.

“I fucking hate her guts.” She's struggling to ignite her lighter, A cigarette hangs between her lips.

I sit down besides her on the mattress, “ Why?” I pull a book of matches out of my jacket- Er, Her leather jacket, I haven't given it back yet.

She takes the matches from me and strikes it against her shoe, Igniting it.

_That was fucking rad._

She holds the little match to her cigarette and lights it up. “She does this shit all the fucking time, You should have seen the way she tormented poor Sayori the first time she came over, I thought Monika was going to smash a tea cup over her head.” She takes a puff, “It was bad,” She exhales through her nose. “I had to literally pull her into the other room and tell her to fucking stop."

“What did she do?” I reach my hand out for the cigarette, She places it between my fingers And i take that tobacco-ey goodness into my lungs.

“Just fucking- Stupid shit like, She would keep touching Sayori when she talked and winking, and just- fucking doing that! She like drips seduction or something, I feel like if Monika wasn't there she would have done more.” I hand back her cigarette and she takes a _long_ drag, “Please, don't make big conversation with her, Just a hello, and a goodbye.” She gives me the cig back, “We had screaming matches over the Sayori thing. Just please, i don't want her bothering you, i don't know what i would do if she even like shook your hand or something. I just hate the thought of other people touching you."

Yuri was _really_ worked up, she's only ever shown this kind of anger when we used to argue over if manga was literature or not (Which it totally is.)

What would a good girlfriend do in this kind of situation?

Well I'm not a good girlfriend, I'm barely a girlfriend, but here's to trying.

I take one last puff before handing it back to her.

I kick off my sneakers and crawl behind her on the mattress, I wrap my arms around her neck and press my cheek to hers.

“Don't get so worked up baby,” Baby? Wow I'm such a sap. “Your mom won't do anything stupid, and if she does I promise not to spend a lot of time around her.. I'm sorry if that got you all frustrated like this.. Just don't worry, okay?” I kiss her on the cheek, “I love you.” My words were hollow, But hey, fake it till you make it right? Ahahaahhh….

“I love you too.” She leans into my touch.

We sit like this for a few minutes as i continue pressing butterfly kisses against her face and jaw.

I hear her groan slightly before she pulls away, “Oh, I'm sorry i forgot to get you something to drink.” She sits up and walks over to her drawer, _That drawer._

I frown at the memory.

“Is warm red bull okay?” she holds up a red can, I nod and hold my hands out.

She tosses the can over and i catch it perfectly, But as I opened the can some spilled out over the side, i quickly lick it up. “What kind is this?” I drink the sweet nectar. "It's really fucking good.” 

“Cranberry, It's the only kind i like.” She replies back, But she doesn't look at me she's rummaging around inside that godforsaken drawer.

I take little sips from my room temperature drink, But I keep eyeing her from the side.

As she walked back over to the bed she kicked off her shoes, I notice a large bottle in her left hand and my heart sinks into my stomach.

“Vodka.” I say quietly and turn my attention back to my sad warm energy drink.

She lays down on the pillows of her bed and twists the top off of the bottle, “Don't act so surprised, It's not like you didn't see it before this anyway.” She bitterly takes a sip.

“So.. You do know that i saw, uhm, everything..” I wrap my arms around my knees, I bury my head down but i don't break our eye contact.

“Out of every drawer for you too snoop around in you sure picked a good one.” She takes another sip, She's just drinking straight fucking vodka like it's a soda? Is she even human? “I never got to ask you,” she rests one arm behind her head. “Do you think any different of me, now that you know some of my bad habits?” Her tone is dry, It doesn't sound like whatever answer I give is really going to affect her- Wait, did she say some?

_Oh no._

_What have i gotten myself into now?_

_Does she kick puppies or something in her spare time? Does she get off on torture porn? What fucking other things do you do Yuri?_

“In all honesty, yes..” I swirl the liquid in my can around, “But.. can i ask what your reasons are, for doing this?” My voice cracks after the last word.

“Simply, to forget about the world, and everyone in it.” She takes a big drink and her face actually grimaces for once, “Life is dreadful, This helps.” she bitterly mutters.

i wonder if that's why papa drinks.

“Give me some.” I reach my hand out for the bottle.

“No,” she drinks again.

“Come on, don't be selfish, I just want to see what you mean.” I scoot over by her, “I don't how this helps you, I've never tasted alcohol I'm curious, I just wanna see how this makes you feel.

Yuri looks between me and the bottle. few times, She sighs before handing me the bottle of alcohol.

It was heavier than it looked, Slowly i brought the top to my lips and i waited for the liquid for hit my tongue.

The second it did i tasted something ugly,

Something so ugly and painful i never wanted to taste anything like this again, Worst than that it _Burns it burns so bad._   

I can see worry cross Yuri's face as she reaches for the bottle but i move it away from her and continue drinking, I force myself to swallow and that burns even worst, I can feel my stomach trying to reject the horrid liquid, But i keep drinking and drinking until my head feels dizzy and the room is spinning around me.

I come back to myself a few minutes later, Yuri had taken the bottle away from me at some point, and I was now laying on her chest as she stroked my back, I felt warm, inside and out, And I felt _amazing._

“are you alright?” She drags her fingers lightly up and down my back, it makes me shiver.

“T-That was fuckin-*hic* awesome..” Oh i was wrong about Yuri and about drinking, **so so wrong.**

I felt like i was on cloud 9 and my body had never been so calm before, i just had a nice fuzzy feeling all over, this was pure bliss.

“Can i-i have- moree?” I smile tiredly at Yuri, and she smiled back, she's cute i like her face a lot i wanna give her kisses on it.

“Maybe later..” she kisses my forehead, “You drank _a lot._ ” she sticks her tongue out playfully at me, I giggle, I can't help myself but to lean forward and take her tongue into my mouth and suck it.

She pulls away shocked for a moment, “Natsuki.. You're intoxicated i Can't.” her face was all blushy and nervous and junk, i go in for the kiss and our lips lock or a few seconds before she pulls away again. “Please… I-I can't…” she faces away from me.

Well that just won't do.

I get up and straddle Yuri's lap.

“You get drunk too.. It'll be okay then.” I pull the bottom of her sweater up so i can run my hands up and down her slightly pudgy but way too cute stomach. “You're so Pretty..” 

She becomes even more flustered and tries covering her stomach. “Natsuki.. you're putting me in a very difficult situation...” I lightly drag my nails up and down her abdomen.

“We're only gonna kish.. And stuff.. Come on.. i want you.” I bite my bottom lip. Yuri loses all her resolve at that moment, She immediately grabbed the bottle and started chugging while I grinded myself down on her lap, this made her almost choke, very cute.. 

She drank from bottle till it was almost empty, it was slightly more than half full when i got my hands on it, she's a fucking monster and I _love_ it.

“Come here.” Her voice was urgent and desperate, but it had that slur to it.

Her eyes were teary and half lidded, i licked my lips before going down.

Our lips crashed together in a kiss that was so much sloppier than our first.

I melt in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a smoke break after writing this chapter yikes I'm tired Happy 5 am everyone !!!!
> 
> NSFW IS COMING NEXT CHAPTER (PUN NOT INTENDED) 
> 
> Also hi yes I headcanon Yuri as a thicc gorl like let's be honest she's the big tiddy goth gf shes not gonna have Natsuki's body type ya girl T H I C C & curvy


	8. A pitiful goddess and an eager angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and Yuri explore some parts of their new relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nsldksksksksksk I'm late on updating i know please don't shoot but here it is this is so bad I wrote it while I was trying not to fall asleep WHATEVER MAN JUST ENJOY :)

I had been rolled onto my back at some point during our kiss. 

Yuri was on top of me peppering my neck and jaw with sloppy kisses and licks, my head was spinning and the room around me was moving.

My cheeks and chest felt fuzzy and warm.

I couldn't stop giggling and trying to toss and turn myself all over the bed, i loved our little game.

Every time I would scramble and kick her away she would keep coming back again and again, every time i would slap her she would just laugh and attack me with more kisses and bites.

I may not really be in the right mindset right now.. I've never been drunk before, but fuck was it fun.

My emotions were all over the place, I was uncomfortably happy but a weight on my chest held me down.

She pulled me up by my collar and our legs were intertwined as she helped me shrug out of my- her leather jacket, (Should i give this back at some point or is it mine now?) and my t-shirt.

In normal circumstances i wouldn't let her be doing this, but I felt so good, this felt good,  _ she _ felt good. I felt her unhook my bra and my eyes rolled back as i fell back down against the mattress, i let my eyelids flutter close, my body shivered as a cold drift from the open blows against my now revealed chest.

Her hands traveled all over my body, groping and rubbing every exposed inch of skin she could, Her movements were sloppy and uncoordinated, but i didn't care _. _ Her hands were freezing, like a corpses gentle touch.

My back arches as her hands slide up my body, Her fingertips trace the lines and curves of my ribcage, I'm so skinny and boney i almost look unhealthy, but to be honest i pretty much am mild nourished. (Thanks dad.)

But my body is  _ disgusting  _ and this is so embarrassing. 

It's so lanky, and my thighs are too skinny, nothing like Yuri’s beautiful full ones,  

Not to mention my tits, (Which Yuri currently had her lips pressed too, nice.) They were barely A cups, I could go without a bra if i wanted, I hated them. 

And i hated my weird gross body. But i don't feel like i grown woman sometimes, like my body just developed half way before getting lazy and going  _ nah ur good. _ Yuri is a  _ real  _ woman, With large breasts and beautiful curves and big lovely looking thighs that make me wanna- 

I was quickly pulled from my thoughts by the sensation of my jeans and panties being pulled down in one quick motion, I look up to see Yuri smiling nervously at me. “I-Is this okay?” Her eyes were so droopy and her cheeks were flushed cherry red, I think she might have been more wasted than I was, well she had to be after how much she drank.

I bring my palms up to cover my way too warm face. “Yeah yeah… J-Just go slow.” 

I wanted to say stop, I knew sober me was going to regret this. Wow i just handed Her my virginity and I'm plastered drunk.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I have to drink? Why did i have to do it so much? Why am I too much of a pussy to say stop?  _ Why am I enjoying it? _

I kick the jeans and panties off and Yuri sits back, I spread my legs wide.

I peek an open eye out between my fingers and i see Yuri just smiling maniacally with her bottom lip bitten down under her teeth, Her pupils were blown out and her eyes were staring straight at my center. “You're really letting me do this?” Her words were more of a statement than a question, And her tone was full of excitement and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Regardless I nod my head and her fingers immediately reach down and touch me.

i pull my bottom lip between my teeth as she spreads my slit with two of her fingers, she runs them up and down and it makes  slightly squishy and lewd sounds. “You are this wet because of me?” Her finger grazes against my clitoris. “Oh my, you are just so beautiful aren't you?”

I think she was just toying with me more than anything, fingers continued probing me in random places.

she bends down and places her head between my legs, i feel her pinch my clit between her thumb and forefinger, I arch my hips away from her touch and a whine of pain escapes my lips. “H-Hey, Don't just waste time.. If you're gonna d-do something just do it..”

She sits back up and she rubs her thumb apologetically over the small sensitive nub softly. “I'm sorry but I am just, so amazed,” She rubs around me in circles and a warmness pools inside my belly. “You are truly the most breathtaking being i have ever seen.” She slides her fingers down and one slips inside me, I close my thighs and turn my head away.

“what is wrong, have I gone to far my goddess?”  _ Goddess? Ha, an angel and a goddess. _

I shake my head, “I'm scared..” i hate to admit it, but I'm more than just Scared I'm down right terrified, I hate cause this felt so weird and she's barely touched me yet.

She removes her hand from between my legs and i shiver as her digit slides out.

“I've gone too far.. Im sorry.” She sounds so pitiful, it's disgusting coming from her.

“You didn't you just-” I sigh, “I-I don't know what to expect, I've never exactly… touched.. d-down there..” I feel fucking stupid, I wanna go home.

“N-Never?” She sounds surprise, I shake my head, I'm even more pitiful. “Want me to explain it to you..?”

I nod my head nervously and spread my legs again.

She gets on top of me, “Well first I'll place my hands on you..” she placed her hand on my jaw and peppered light kisses over my neck and jaw, Her voice was soft and nervous, Almost a whisper. “Then I will start to rub you.. S-Slowly of course.” My breath hitches as she trails kisses down my jawline. “I'll keep on rubbing you until you feel your legs shake and your body trembles against me.. But it'll feel good, I'll make sure you feel amazing..” She breathes against into my ear, her breath is hot, My face feels even warmer now.

“Then when you're all ready, I'll insert my fingers inside of you.. And I'll  _ fuck  _ you.” she whispers the swear into my ear, I bite my lip as the images she is speaking to me fill my mind. “I'll move in and out of you slowly at first..” She bites down on my neck.

“And then I'll move the pace up gradually..” Her lithe fingers trail down my chest before cupping one of my small breasts. “Then I'll insert another finger inside of you..” The pad of her thumb rolls my nipple. “Then I'll start to kiss your breasts.. and maybe bite on them a little if you would let me...” breathing was becoming hard for me, her head was buried in my neck and all i could smell was her perfume.

“And I'll keep pumping my fingers in and out of you. Faster and faster.. Till you can't take the pleasure anymore.” She emphasized each word with a bite to my neck. “Your body will shake.. And I'll make you climax all over my fingers.” She kissed over each bite. 

My head was spinning, there was a pool of wetness spilling between my legs. ” Yuri..” I pant out her name breathlessly, My mouth waters.

_ “Yes my goddess?”  _ She moaned into my ear.

It was all too much for me i couldn't take it anymore,

_ I need... I need... I need… _

“I need to puke.” My stomach turned and i pushed the taller girl off me as i made a b line to the bathroom.

Once inside I locked the door behind me and i emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.  

I felt so  _ horrible. _

Physically and emotionally.

I don't think I've ever been this sick in my entire life, I spit and wipe the snot away from my nose, flushing the toilet after as I look down at it swirl away.

I wash my mouth out with some of the mouthwash on the counter, They got that expensive one that's like ten bucks at the store. It tastes differently than the generic one papa buys.

After spitting the minty liquid out i grip the sink counter and look at myself in the mirror, I looked thoroughly  _ fucked. _

My hair was disheveled, my eyes were bloodshot and teary. I had drool running down my chin, And a multitude of bruises on my neck.

_ “Look at you, you look like a whore.” _

I continue to stare at the image of myself.

_ “You know that's what you are now right? Yuri’s whore.” _

My thoughts were attacking me and i let them.

_ “You're such a waste, you put yourself in this situation, this is no ones fault but your own.” _

_ “Deep down you know you don’t trust her, so why the fuck are you here? Why are you naked in her fucking bathroom?” _

_ “You really are trying to love her, but you don't.” _

_ “You just want an escape, a coping mechanism.” _

_ “You're pitiful.” _

_ “You are disgusting, even more disgusting than she is.” _

_ You don't even love ḩȩ̴̴͝r _

  
  
  


_                ̶̕̕͢y̸̧̡̧̨̢̡̨̛̛̛̛̛̭̫̥͚̗͚̻̦͍̳̩̖͔̠̞̣͚̥̹͈̼̞͇͕̜͚̜͎̲̠̫͉͎̘͔̹͉̞̠̤̠̰̙̹̬̞͎̖̤͉̙̱̰̥̳̼͕͍̟͙͉̠̣̰̺̰̰̥͈͎̫̞͔̫͖̮͓̦̙̦͚̠̯̞̞͖͔̝͎̮̗̝͕̟͔͚͙̜̹̺͓͇̤̖̠̮̜̜̹͉̮̫̓̓̇̏̎̈́̓̈́̀̃̂͛̈́̈́̋̊̔́͐̓̌̿̋̽̔̐̉̒̐͌̅̆̍́͋̓̋͗̌̀̌̉͗̆̊̃͑̒̾̾̄̓͂͒̏̐͑̊̇̓͊̾̊͋̌̃̍͗͋̀͂͌́̍͐̉̅̾̒̏͐̅̅̋́̇̑̽̈̒̒̾̒̾̑͑͊̐̒̉̆̈̐̿̊̓͌͆̃̈́̇̂͑̆͗͂̂̏͊͂͐̈́̋̈́͗̽̔̽͐̊̇̿͂͒̊̽̆̾̄̍͑̈́̈͌̄̊̿̔̏̾̉̔́̂͋̕̕̕̚͘̚̚̕̕̚̚̕̕͘̕͘̚̚͜͠͝͠͠͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͠͠͠ͅͅę̶̢̨̧̡̨̨̡̢̢̖̤̹̺͙̝͇̻̙̭̩̫̪̹̤̮̹̘̩͍͇͕̜̮̯̯͓̜͔̩̫̱̝̪͖̟̺̻̬̺͕͍̥̯͙͙̲̟̩̟̹̭͖̯̪̺̠̫̠͉̳̜͉͓͓̜͕̗̦͈͇̰̜͙̹̣̭̠̮̜̝̦̹̩̪̺͙͍̬̝̳̳͎̖͈͓͈̜̱̩̮̩̰̓͆̔͑̓̿̈́̈́͆͆̋͊͌͐̔̊̀̔̅̊̂̑̋̓̈́̈̎͘̚͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅͅs̸̡̧͍͎̫̫͈͍̲̟͖͖̈́̽̆̉̈̓̽͂̕ ̵̡̨̨̡̨̢̧̡̢̧̡̢̨̧̧̧̡̛̛̳͍̻̲͈̲͓̜̙̗̣̱͚̞͖̳͖̜̗̣̺̦͓̬͕̞̦̥͈͓̪̦͖̼̼̝͇̺̺̤͙̗͕̺̼̻̳͍͍͖̯͇̟͓͎͎͈͓͎͖͙̯̝̗̥̦̗̻͇̗̝̜̝͕̣͙͖̖̲̪̠̤̠͔̳̺̺̰̳̱̭̰͇͕̹̯̣̜̱͙̮̻̳̩̙͖͉͔͓̜͔̝̟͓̰̦̫̞̦͔͖̮̮̜͓̟̘͕͖̹̖͕̻͙̣̞͍̭̥̺̺̥̟͍͖͇̤̝̱̙̗̭̫͎̗̟̲̦̬̮̭͕̦̭̘̼̹͍͉̹̣̺͇̪̳̦̼͍͎̤͎͓͕͓̦͍͉͙̇͌͑̓͑̈́̀͊̇̊͊̂̽͂̄̈́̽̑̑̾̌̀̓͛̃͑͆͌̽͒́̋̀̅̈̆̆̃̊̄̈́͒̆́͊͊͋͒̈́́̒̑̈́̔̍̾̔̒̂͑͋̍̔͋͗͗̈́̒̈́̈́̋͊͋́̀͑̀͆̈͊̊̎͂̓̕͘͘͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅy̴̢̛̛̛̛̛̟͖̭͍͙̗̰̜͍͇̹̱̼͙̦͖͓̣͍͋̀̿́͋̈̅̂̀̑̉͐͌̓̎̔̉̌̒̅̄͐̎̅͆̌͐͐͂̃̔͑̄̇͑̆̄̑̑̓̽̀̌̉̓͑̿͌͐̂̈́͐̉̄͊͒̉̎̆͆͐̏͊̈́́̅̓̍͊̽͛̄͗̿̈́̔̽̉͊̋̓̓̑̃̀̈́̓̈́̌̈́̄͑͛̆̂̅̽̐͐̀̈́̈̽̓̆̃̀͂̑̓̊͒̓͋̇͒̆̀͐͂̍͑͛̓̋̓͑͊̈́͋̓͌̉̍̑̊͆͑̉̇̑̓͆͑̎̋̇̈̚͘̚̕͘̕͘͘̕͜͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͠͠͝ơ̶̡̧̡̨̨̢̢̡̢̨̧̢̡̛̛̛̤̘̱̬̮͕͈̼̤̫̜̳͚̤͕̳̣͍̜͇̹̰͙͍͔̹̪̹͙̙͙͔̲̤͍͇͕͕͎̞̘̪̬̼̠̤̜̱̫͇̺̣̝̤̻̤̫͙̲̦͉͙̯͉̮̻̲̲̼̯̩̮͖̖̙̬̯̆̄̉͒̋̍͋͌͗̏̏͌̆̌̍̇̄͊͋̈́̾̔̏͗̆̓̓͐̍̽̀͌̐͌̈̈́̄̈̎̏̆̓͋͐̈́̓̃̐̈́́̄͌͛͆̔͆̔̂͌͋̍̾͛̀͆͑̇̉̓̾̊̒̒̑̉̃́̈́̃͒̐̇͒̆̋̊̈̃̀̑͒̎̿̆́͛̀̋̊̓̌͂̍͑̀̍̊̽̈́̂̈́͛̓͆͊̀͑͂̄̈́̇̐̍͂̈́̓́̈͒͂̂̑͑́́͐̂̔̍̿̓͋͆̈̇̍̍̍̽̃̄̒̔̒̈̌͐́̑̏̏̒̎͗̑̚̚̚̚̚̕̚̚̚̚̕̚̚̕͘̕͜͜͜͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͝͝ͅͅͅų̸̧̡̡̨̛͎͎͍̝̝̭̣̙̭̰̜̭͔͚̭̺̝̮͚̱̯̬̻̦̬͍̮̤͚͍̹̙̰͚̠̠̥̼̤̮̱͔̤͍̮̫̝̟͍̞̞͍̇̇͋͆́̿̑͑̐̔̎̃̏̀̿͗͗̉͑̑͑̓̆͊̈́̂͛͆̄̾̽̌͛̍͌̓͒̐̃̎̒̒͒̍͂̈́͊̍͆̎͛̒͋͒̋͗̐͋͗̃͑͑͘̚͠͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̢̡̢̢̨̨̨̡̛̛̼̻͚̥͉̠̺͈͖̮̺̳͎̣͖͚͈̺͚͇̮̝̩̜̯̦͔͈͔̘̫͍̤̞̭̝̗̥̤̲̘̟͙̻͖̱̭̣͙͉̺͍̼͇̙͇̠͚͍͈̻̼͍͈͎͍̠̹̦͇̙̙̤̻͓̲̩̬̬̖͙͓͉̗̗̬̝̤̹̪͎̼͉͓̝̼̬̭̮̤̤̘̲͙̭͖͍̖͚̹̝̖̻̼̻̙̗͔̠̲̠̟̲̺̝̣͔̫̘͋̑͌͒͋̀̓̄̽̍̈͛͋́͆͒̇͆̄̿̄̓̑̔̐̓̽̅̏̓͑̋̌̽̕̚͘̚̚̕͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅd̷̨̢̢̢̢̧̨̡̨̧̨̨̛̛̜̟̮̞̫̼͓̩̖̤̥̺̜̣̯̺̯̮̦̮̯̟͙̭̖̜͈̪͉͉̮̦̜̳̠͉͖͇̻͍͔̬̥̤͍̦̭̰̦͈̣͇͖̺͎͉̣̬͓̯̼̱̣̠̬͇͎̺̺̮̪͉͕͚̰̼͍̩̭̬̻͈͉̗͎̭̯̤̮̼̘͙̝̩̣̹̬̙̗̤̯̱̤̯͇̖̦̲͚͙̰̜̻̳̻̳̳̟̯̤͍͚̰̘͍͉̩̙̬̦̙̮͇͖̥̼͈̺͉͙͉̗̅̅͒̀̈͐̀̂͗͐̿̌̓̿̀̏̓͛͗̾̆͋͐̂̿̌̊͛̊͂̐̋͐͒͆̔̾̊̍͛̐̎̀̈́͂͗̒̄͂̈͂̀͑̉̉̽͂̌͛̔̓͌͊̈́̎̿̉͗̋́́̓̃̔͋̏̑́͛͂̈́̍̉̀͋̂͊̃͘͘͘̕̕̚̕̕͜͜͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅǫ̵̧̢̢̢̢̢̧̨̢̛̛̥̹͕̪̹͓̯̲͓̲̲̮̳̲̙̭̠͙͓̗̯̟̮͉̥̝̘̼̫̰͈͉̻̗̻̖̘̻͍͎͉͉͔͍̘͎̟̲͇̫̙͕̖̮͚̼̝͚͈͚͙͉̘̫̳͓͇̲͈̙̻̭͕̱̺͈̠̘͎͚̘̦̫̗̱̙̭̗̖͉͖͉̭̹̳͖͚͙̹͎̗͔̹̗͙̳̗͕͔̳͉̠̝̺̫̠̱͋̓̔͆̃͌̈́̓͑̉̐̌̓̂͗̽͋̾̋̑̔͑̈́͛̀͂̽͊̌̈́̈́͋̌̋̓̓̔͆̾̑̈́̎͗̊̈͒̿̍̆͛̈́͌̑͛̌̇́̓͊͑̏̃̈́̔̈͋̈́͐̽̈́́̊͑̎̋̆̈́̏̏̐̀̃̽͆̊̉͊̑̾̒̂̆̎̓̀̐̋͐̀̑̄̏̈́̃͗͋̉̾͐͛͋͒͛̋̉͆̅̅̌̓͑̓͐̓͋̂̏͌̓̎̐̐̿͆͑͌̏̈̈́̎̔̎̀̇̐̈̓͂̊́͂́͗̀̀͆̋̾͌̌̕̕̚̚̕̕͘͘̕͘̕̚͜͜͝͠͝͝͝ͅ _

  
  


_                              y̴̧̧̢̡̢̡̡̧̡̡̡̧̡̢̢̡̧̢̛̛̛̦͓̻͉̲͉̪̥̩͕̱̤̪̘͎̲̱̩̝̟̱̘̞͚͉̮̬͎̥̬͇̖̩͇̦͇̩̜̥͕̠̥̖̮̲͇͕͈̰̘͎̫̤͙̯̮̝̹͉̱̥͚̟̳̼̳̼̞͓̟͔̮̠͎̩̩̮̜̰̯̺͖̘̤̺̯͇̜͉͓͉̜̹͔̺̱̭̖͙͙̹͍̰̺̬̺̠̬̬̮̘̫̘̻̞͓̞͇̣̫͖̼̟̯͚̱̻̞̬̯̩̳̬̲͍͔̪͖̺͍̻̺̝̗̭̻͍͉͖̬͇̳̝͙̓͊͌́̈͆̍̃̿̑͌̊̂̋͐͊̾̄̃͆͌̈͛̓̋̈̈́̃̈͛̃̔̀̀͑̔̔̐̉́̈́̒͒͛̀͑̌̃̈́̊͌̾̈́̊̿͂̾͐̍̌͆̀̓͊͑̉͛̀́̾̓̍̊̾̿̌̆̀͋̊͆̌̒͂́̓͗͋̒̆̓̋̓̆̍͛̋̂̈́͗̓̅̅̈́̎̈́͗̎̈́̇̅͗̒̽̐̔͋͌̎̾̔̓̿͛̒͐̎̆̈̋́̽̐̍̓̀͐̑̊̒͒̓̈́̌̈́̽̔̿͐͐̆͊̎̉̓̍̆͛̆͐̏̾͑̄͊̄̓̂̇̑̑͒̋̈̌͂̆̌͆̔̑̂̀̉̄̓̋́̇̆͐́̍͑͑̈̓̀̊̂̌̇̌̿̋̀̿̏̍́̈́̋̑̆̍̊̽̃̈́̄̈́̍̂̌̀͘͘̚̕͘̚̚͘̚̕̕̕͘̕͘͘͘̕͘̕̕̚̕̚͘͘͘͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅẽ̸̢̨̨̡̨̡̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̜̯̮̺̲̩̭̮̳̫̣͇̳̜̯͚̖̼͚͈͍͖̟̦̖̠̹̦͍̱̹̠͚͇̝̟̣͙͇̱̖̲̣̘͖̣͇̜͎͉̭̪̰̫̼͍͈͈̟̰̖̮͎̖̬̮͕̝̬̬͈͍͐̂̅̏̐̿̾̍͛̅̽͌̒͆̈́̂̉̏̑̑̽͌́̆̾̄̇̏͑͆͒͑͂̎̆̀̓͐̎̏̆̓̆͌̄̋̀̏͗̈́͂̈́̂̅̍̾̑̂̾̉̃̃͊̈́̐͋̒̂͂̔͒͛́̽̎̓͐̋̏̽͆̿͂̌͐̉̊̓͛͗̈͋̉͂̇̎̉̇̅̔͑̃͛̈́̄́̇͐͛̈̈́̏͌̐̾̈̃́͒̇̋͛͛̂̍͛͆̈́͒͋̿͌͌̌̊͛̃̍̅́͒̾͆́͊͂̑̎̈́͊̈́̿̅̋͆͋̿̓͗̏̈́͂̉͂͌̆͊̎͂̎̉͊̈́̒͒̆̈́͐͐̓̀͊̅̓̀̌̍̚̚͘͘͘̚͘̕͘̚̕͘̚̕̕̕̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝ͅş̵̢̡̨̛̛̛̛̛͔̯̟̲̳̭̘̩̖̞͔͙̥̞͕̟̰͙͖̤̹̩̰̜̟̬̌̓͂͒̾̂̈́̅̌̇̐̄͛̓̊͊̔̉̒̀͗̾̏͆͛̋̂̍̈́̈́̏̀̑̏̓̅̅̈̀͂̍̈́͑͑̐̏̓̈̌̋̀͛̉̒͊͌͗͐̈́̈́͛̓̌̓̆̓̾̌̂̓̐̈́̆̏͆͋̐̍́̌̓̆́̈̏̊̈́̀̇̿̃͋̀͋̓̓́̄͂̇̀̈́̽̎͂̈́̏̓̓̈́͂͊͂̎̊̈́͆̅̓͛͂͗̔̽̃̒̾͋̏͑͐̚̚̕̚̚̚͜͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͝ͅ ̷̡̧̧̧̡̧̧̡̨̧̡̡̨̢̡̡̛̛͔̺̲̻͈̬̤̥͈̥͉̦̞̣̣̘͓̙̪̩̝̯̤͇͈̩̼͉̭͙͈̤̥͙͓̳̳͍̝͈̟͖͙̭̦̙̻̼̦̤͎͍̗̫̳̲̻̰͔̱̠̥̥̪̺͖̯̬̤̣̹̥̤̳̖͍̹͎͔̣̭͈̟͎̺̩͖̙̻̠̳͕͍̗̳͉͔͖̲̣̤͎̝̝̣̘̪̯̞͉̞͇̖̙͔̟̳̹̮͍̹͔͇̤̝̭̜̹̼̱̙͕̣͍̰̪̦̜͖̤̮̯̟̫̜͖̻͙̯͖͕̰̯͚̒͛̏͑͌̄͐͑̈̂̃̈́̇͑̃̄͌̃̎͑͑̊͑͒̎̀̏̎͌̐̆̏̓͐̃̈́̔̽̚͘̕̚͘͜͠͝͠͝͠͝ͅͅy̶̧̡̡̡̧̨̧̧̢̨̡̢̨̨̨̢̧̧̨̢̡̡̧̨̧̨̢̨̛̛̛̛͚̘͈̩͉̺̟̣̭͍̫͓̱̹͖̲̻̳̝͔̼̩͕̭̱̦̭̗̦̣͍̗̗̜͙̪͚̩̹̤͖͙̮̲͇͉̞̳̭̘̘̫͇̤̪͍͇͕͈̳͕͔͇̗̱̘̯̬̼̫̤̦̩͉̗̖͎̝̙̞̯͓̲̩͇͖̰̦̫͇͕̖͈̘̻̱̬̻͉͔̘̲̠͖͔̳̙̮̫͍̮͓̱̫͖̦̺̫̖̳̞͚̬̣̞͉͎͇̱̝̜̫̬̼̱̘̳̠̮̙̹͔̙̻͖̳̯͙͓̜̪̥̗̻̮̯͔̺͈̺̤̰͇̥͙̥̱̤͚̍̐́͑͒̂̃͗͌̆͐͆̆͂̉̐̂͒̐̐̓̿͗̈̃͒̊̾̏̔̋͑̏̿̽͂͊̍͑̀͒͊̒̄̾̑́͆̾̀̈̈́̽͐͂̓̽͒̑́̾̓̂́̆͆͑̾̌͒̉̒̏̓̈́͒̅̅̇̽̓̅̓͐̍̈́͋͒̒̒̅̂̐̅͒͑̓͂͛̈́̃͌͋̾̉͆̾̓͗͌͆̊͘̚͘̕͘̚̕̚̕̚̚͘͘͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͠͠͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅơ̵̢̧̧̢̨̛̛̭̘̪̦̮͔̟͕͙̣͖̺͕̳̖̪̹̲̟̥͇̫̗̲̲̘͕̮͕̟̙̪̯͇͚͙̱̬̤̫̲̹̘̮̤͚͍͚͍̤̖͓̟̱̩̲̱̲̦̜̻͓̗̮͔̣͖̩̰̱̭͌͊̃̉̏͋̂̐̈̈̌̆̑͐́̇͒̈́̈̾̆̄̍̅̾͒̄͑̽̃̊͋͛̎̓̊̈́͑͐̋͊̅̓͛̒̈͛̿̒̇͗̑͑̃̑͑̄͗̑̽͛̽͂͌͆̈̎̓̿͑̍̆̅̔̾̌͗͌̌͆̋̿̀͒̅͗̒̆̒̅̐̈́͘̚͘͘͘̚̕̕͘͘̚̕͜͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅư̷̢̢̨̢̧̢̡̧̢̡̡̨̨̛͙̰̖̱͕̝̖̩͍̮͇̖͉͇̠͇̦͚̮̩͉̳͙̗̻͍̯̬̻̞͚̣̟̬͈̜̠̹̩͎͇̭͖͔͙̰͙̠̫͎̮̲̟̬̖̥͈̲͔̺̪̞̗̣̩̺̰͎͚̙̞̦̫̝̘͎͓̳̘̙͓̺̳̙͈̰̟̗̖̠̱̪̟͓̤̲̳̤̹̙͈̜̙̺̮̣̲̜̳͙̪̤̲̪͔̫͉̲̦̙̻̼̻͎̣̙̲̰̼̖̗͇̮͔̭̼̰̯̼̬͔͉̯̹̺̱͋͌͐͑̉̃̍͗̉̾̔̀̎̃͊̉͌̾͌̈́͒͛̔̌̈́̃͌͂́̾̿͌͐̇͋̎̅̋͐̃͆̾͊͐̃̾̈́̔̌̿̔͋̓̌̈͐̊́͛̒̑͐̅̎͂̎͒̓̓͊͗̄̃̈́̔̓̂͊̈̆͊͂̊͌̇̏̈̆̑̂̄̀̄̂͑̑̂̓̈̓͐̈́̍̄͌̅́̿̉̌̓̑̿̃̿̽̓̏͌̎̎̇̃̆̏̀̓͐̾̔͂̄̓̽͋͂̽̊͐̈͒̅̋͑̇̍͋̈́͌̇̂̈̓́̀͂͛͆͌̚̚̚̚̚̚̚̚͘̚̚̚̕͘̚͜͜͠͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͠͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̧̧̡̧̡̢̢̧̡̡̛̼̳̭͈̬̫̺̭̼̭̙̙͎̺̹̦̯̬͈̲̖̜̮͎͎̩̩̼̫̺̟̹̤̮͔̫̝̙͉̝͇̟̱̮̦̱̟̜̲̙͎͔̳͚̲̹̩̱̥̟̤̱̠͉̠̘̭̼͚̫͓̜̗͓̪̬̫͓̭̬̞̺̩̫̠̩̠̱̭̲̝̼͎̝̫̲̥͎̜̫̳̬͔̼̳͕̼͎̘̘͖͎͓̰͍̤̜̰͈̭̦͉͈̻̺̻̦͇̰͈̪͓̻̺̣̥͕͇͖̼͙̯̻͉̲̫̯̒̓̌͗̀̑̾̌́͐̍͂̄̽̾̅͌͂̏̓̈̅̾̿̀̀̆̒̇̃̕͘͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅḋ̴̡̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̘͓̗̺̤̱̭͔̩̖̞͇͙̲̻̟͚̫̘̝͉͍͇̮͈̞̪̟͓͛̄͊͊̑̄̓̃̃͊͆̈́̒͋̄̑̔̏͆͐̉̈̍͂͌͒̋͑̍͗̌͗̈́̈́̌̒̋͛̏̓͒̿̓̊̃̀̈͌͒̂̀̔̉͋͐̀̔͗̐̽͗̄̃͐̾̔̓͊́̒͐̓͋́́̄̇͋̾̋̄͂̔̄̇̈́̊̇̉̃͌̃̐̂͂͋͑̅̄͂͂̎̔̔̒́̃͂̄͐̓̿́͐̀͑̽̄̈͐̅̄̓̈̄͆͆̔̓͌͆̑̆͊̂̂̔̿́̎̆̽̄̎̑͊̿̀̆̈́̓͛͊͛̃̓̍̌̔̔̑̑͗̓̽̋̎̈́̈̒͛̂͊̉̈͊͆̋̓̃̄͗͂̾̃̄͂̐͌͐̐̒̏̉͗̉͂̾̈́́͐̓̉̽̽͋̂̍̈̆̔̃̉̌͊̓̈̂̒͊̂͂̎̍͗̓͆́̀̈́̽̾͛̅̈́̒́͘͘̕͘̕̕̕͘̕̚͘̕͘͘̕̚͘͘̕̚͘̚̚̕̚͜͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͝͝ͅở̸̧̡̡̨̛̛͉͍͖̣͔͍̼͕̲͍̼̤̘̯̮͓̦̟͕͇͓̬̱̭̜̱͍̟͇̝̬̯͙͙̘͕̙̙̮̜̭̤̝̩̹̭͍͛̑͌͒̔̓̊̓̉̿͋̇͊̂̉͒̓͌͒͌̈̂̎̈́̀̋̅͂̋̔̆̄̿́̊̽͋͊͛̓̓̂̑́̉̒̏̇͋͒͒̽̈́̒̾̅̇̔̓̆͋͊͐̀̽́̈́̉͊̇̈́͊̄̈̌̿̂͒͌̍̀͌͗̂̀̒̈́̈̐͒̈́̈́̿̂̆͆̑͗̈́̐̈́̇̆̓́̇͌͛͒̅̽̐͐̈́̎̃͒̌̂͌̓̆͑̔͊̄̓̆̈́̓́̇̂̊̄̃͂̒̄̈́̀̈̓͛͌͌̿̽̅͌̓͊̔̀͑̇̐͌̈̔̌̎̌̓̉̃̓̅̄̈́̄̍͛̌͐̏̓̃͋̓̓͊͗̓͐̔͂̈́̂̿̍̆̃̇͛̇̾͗͋͗̍͒̏̇̈́̑̕̚͘̕̚̚̚̕̕̚̕͘̕̕̕̚̚̕͘͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͠͝͠ͅ 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_   B̴̨̡̡̨̡̡̢̨̧̡̧̛̛̛̦̬̞̙͉̭̜̖̦̭͍̟̦̗̻̘̟̼̙̞̱͎͎̳̣͓̦͍̠̝̺̭̟̝̫̦͈̜̮͍̟͎͚͕̭͓̹͉̗̳̱͕̝͕̻̤͉̦̠͉̺̭̥̜͍̘͇̱͖̻̦̬̱͓̝͍̤̯̱̙̫̙̖̫̣̪͕̠͚̠̠̫̞̪̩͍̥̻̻̺̘̝̻̫̗͕͓͉̖͙̱̲̺̣̥̼̺̝͓͖̰͚͚͇͕̿͊̊̌͋̐̏͒̂̉̈͒̑͒͑̔̒̎̇͒̐͗̊̑̾̔̓̈́͗̔̆͌͒̐̂̍̇̽̆̎́̾͊̑͌̓̊̑͐̉͌̅̐̃͆͒͆̾̄͑̃͂̾̑̊̇̀̈̈̓͒̀͗̌̈́̉̒̑́͂͊̾̃́͆̾͌̓͘͘̕̕̕̚͘̚̚͘͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅë̵̢̧̡̢̛̛̫̥̦̩͖̙̣̣̥͖̺͍͍̯͚̞̤̯͕̳͇́́̊͋̽͊͌̏̑͐̀̓͋͋̄͋͑̈́̾͑̋̊͊͂̽̃̈́̍̅̽̾͋̆̈́̏̓̆̒͐͆̔͋̍̀̆̀͐̍͛͌̆̓͗̂̈́̍̾̉̎̀̅̿͊͑̋̎̌̈̌́̅̈͆̇̔͆̄͐̔͊̂̈́̈̇͆̅̆͐̽͊͛̏͗̑͒̆̍̈̉̄̓̉̓̄̅̇̒̔͛̍͋͛̃͗̐͆͛̉̆͌̂͒̓̿̽̓͘̕͘͘͘̚͘̕͘̕̚̕̚̚̚͘͝͠͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅ ̴̢̡̢̨̛̛̛̛̤̰̥̜̤̥͔̫̝̲̤͓͍͔̜͚͉̞̠͉̫͔̜̪͖̗̻̺̝͎̦̮̞̺̳͕̝͙͎̟̯̲̠̬̼͙̝͉̫͎͓̬̥̗̗͋̃̈̃̃̏̔͊̀́͌͌̈́̓̿̓̔̿̎͑͒̂̒́̿͋̾̈́͛̂̆̍͐̓͒̿̌̓͌̑͒̃̅̓̅̂͐͗̊̔͂͌̑͑̇̇̀͊̐͌͊͂̓͒͑͑̑̆͐́̆́̀̒͌̆̐͐͊̿̆͑͑̔̂͗̀̒̔̓̆̀̅̏̆̓̔̌͌̌̾͂̔̊̓̽̉͒̊͛͋̈́̋̇͊̀͋̾͌͗̈͒́̄͗̈́̓̔̎͐̓͊̈̊̈̓̓̂̂͗̇̄̐̂͂̆̀́̒̽͆̆̀̑͆̓̒̌͗̾̓̊̃̉̃̂̔̔̔̑͐͐̇̽́̊̏̏͐̅̋͑̋̈́̿̈́̾̄͒̓͋͂̌̎̈́͋̃̃́͐͌̊̔͘̕̕̚̚̚͘̚͘̚͘̕̕̕͘͘̕͘̚̚͘̕͘̚̕͘͘͜͜͝͠͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝ͅą̵̢̡̨̡̡̧̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̛̛̞̣̲̟̭͙̙͚̝͙̩̗̗̠̹͚̝̟͖̝͓͕͈͓̣͉̮̯̤͔̻͙̙̝͎͇̟̯͕͇͉̥̭̬̬̩͈̗̮̥̬̟͍̫͖̳̝̦̟̮͈̰̯̫̹͙̘͇̲̩͚̹͎̭̱͍̹̬̯̹͎͈̙̳̫̖̻̠̪͙̭̟͍̻͓̣͍̪̼̝̘̱̟̪̰̰̮̘̖͔͚̞̲̠̱̞̬̲̹̯̱̬̝̱͍̯̤̤̥̯̫͕͓̹̪̭̲͔͕̼͎̘̠̺̘̲͍͇̊̽͑͐͑̇̾̇̐͂͗͑̍̓̀̉̀̌̉́̍̇̈́̏̏͑́̔̂͋́̆͌̽͊̐͒̑̋̍̽͗̽͒̒̆̉͆̈͑̈́́̈́̽̄͒̓̊̈̅̔͑͑̌̌̍̇̈́͐̃̃͐͒̀̿͆̃͒͆̓͒͗͌͊̃͂̀̌̈́̇̎̄̔̆̍͋̓͛̆̿̄̔͌̃͂́͗̀͌̄̈́͐͌͆̉̿̔͗̉̄͊̑͊͆̒̍̏͗͂̀̆̈́̈͂̃́̌̈́̒̍̽͆̋̆̍̾̑̈́̄̔̓̕̕̕̕͘͜͠͠͠͝͠͠͝͠͝͝͠͠͠͝͠ͅͅͅ ̷̧̢̧̧̡̧̧̧̧̧̛̛̛̫̳̟̪͚͍͓͈̥̝͉̠̤͎̝͖͖̖̯̱͙͉̬̝̦̪̬̙͖͚̝̱̺̫̘̺̞̭̖̮͎͙̣̫̱̰̼̳͙̪̹͍̠̮͕̘̗̝̣̥̮͚̮̯̹͓̻̜̦̟̦̣̲̘͓̞̮͉̫̗̺̙͉̠̲̞͔̮͖̹̠̬̙͂̄̍͂͗̽̿̀̋̒̆̈́͆̈̀͗̒͗͆̈́̓̊̎̉̅͐̈͌̈́̊̀̒̄͐̽̿͑̐̇́̂̈͊̈̍̾̈́̌̔͐̆̎͋̋͋̈́̎͐́̉̊̓͆̄̓̇̄̑̏̎̔̌͋̄̀̂̀̔͆̈́́͌̿̌͋̇͘̚͘͘̕̚͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͠ͅͅͅg̵̢̡̨̡̡̢̢̡̧̤̙͔͇͕̪̟͚̖͍͓̟̞͉̲̠̞͓͇̯̘͙̜͎̪̥̩̺̙̘͈̪͙̳͉̼̭̳͎̻̟͔̳̯̝̬̤̘̱̻̗͈̠̻̞̤̞̭̙̘͕͖̖̩͇̼͇̫̬̫͎̩͚̬̫͇̩͙̣͓̩̺͍͖͔̣̟̼̟̣̜̘̻̲̺̣̣̝̺̓̊̆̃̒͆̔̍̂̉͊͐͌͋̀͛̊́̿̌̋̓͛̍͆͑̐̿͑̾͑͒͌͊̃͋̎̕̚͘̚͜͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅơ̸̧̧̨̨̢̧̡̧̡̢̡̨̨̨̧̛̛̛̛̛̛̬̯̩̹͉͎͓̮̘̮͍̺͔̗̭̗̱̪̻̹͖̰̪̬̥͔̹̥̙̙̲̠̫͚̖̝̝͚̗̥͓̟̝͇͖͓̹͇͇̦͉̩̙͇̪̼̫̘̥̫͕̦̝̟͓̞̗̪̳͎͙͉͕̱̖̦̫̟̼̻̬̱̦͕̩̼̫̖̪͔͚̜̞̳̩̤̘̪͍̣̯̳̹͑̏̀̾́͂͗̄̊͒̎̈́̽͂̍̈́̾͌̂̑̄́̈́͆͌͒͌͒̅̌̉̌͋͊̀̿̑͋̑̓̑̾͗̿̅̂̄̇̒̇͗̾̃͐̆̄̈́̽̍̋̒̎̈̈͐́̈͛̉̎̓̄͂̊̏̈́̿̎̅̍̔̌̈̉̓̅͌͒̈̓̐͑͆̑͛́̎̆̏̑̋̂̀͌̀̀͋͋̓̇̅̽̑͌̊̀̽͊̂̏̎̾̅̓͗̒̌̿̈̔͗͑̍͑̔̈́̋̅̒͌͒̚͘͘̚̕̕͘̚͘̕̚̕̕̚̕͘̕͜͜͜͠͠͝͠͠͝͠͠͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅợ̸̡̧̧̢̧̧̧̧̢̡̢̧̧̛͎͉̖͇͇̬̠̲̱̣̰͎̝̙͕̪̠͈͓̼̰̝̦̪͕̰̣̪͖̤̦̮͉͍̥̺͚̗̲̦̣̱̲̭̝͎̼̗̲͎̥̦̘͖̩̺͔̯͎̰͖̤̱͚̤͈̼̺͔̝̼̱̱͚̭̳̞͖͙͕̗̹͖̜̲̯̬̞̬͍̙̭̟̜̞̥͇͍͙̙̞̟̮̹̗̫̞͖͓̙̺̖̬͔̙̼͙̖͔̰̼̽̿̃̽̎̃̈́̈́̾̎̂͗͗̏̑̋̋̈̽̽́̋͂̈̈́͗͒͋̉̋̈́̒̂̉̑̍͊̓̓̒̈̏͑̀̔̊̈͒̇͊̇̀̓̆̾̋̂͊̈́̍̃̒̑̆͋͆̒̋̈́͛̒̓̽̿͑̅̃͛͊̊̓͆̉͛͑̏̐̅͐͆̍̈͒͆̑̇̔̿̐̉̌̆̉̓̂̋͌͐̋̏͛͂͒̄̋̀͐͆̍̾̋̀̋̈́̍̀̅͑͗̔̃͒͒̒̓̍̕͘̕̚̕͘͘̕͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝ͅd̴̢̨̡̡̢̨̨̡̢̧̨̧̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͓̘̗̼̘͔̳̺̥̖͔̗̻̳̙͙͉̖͖͉̳̠̜̣̥̺̮͇̠̮͇̻̯̲̹̫̝̲͉͇̳͔̺̪̪͕̝͖̝͔̬͖͓̪̲̜̻̳̞̥̬̙͎̺̝̖̣̖̱̳͎̰̜͈̯͕̯̪̲̘̥̤͙̻͚̥͇̥̰̼̠̭̪̪̣͓͇̱̰̲̙͕̗̠̙͔̥̥̘̩͚̰̪͇͚̤̟̜̮̺̞͚̲̜̮̰͚̱̜̜̱̼̫̣̺͓̹̀̈́̅̄̎̈́̇͒͂̆͒̈́͗͑͒̽͒̐̊͒̔͂̋͂͊͊́͛͋̃̉̎͑̾̅̓̿̃̊͆̉̂́̅̅̆̎͌̈̏̋̈́̑̓͐͐̊͑͆͗̃̊̋͂̈́̂̄̈́̈̌̔̐͗̓́̈́̓͛̓͋͊̀͌̌̀͐̽͐̓͌̈́́̍͋̍̒́̈͐͆̓̈́̉͑͌̈͛̈́̋̀̇̇̀͑͂͌͛̇̆̓́͛̎̈̑̆̇̌͗́̍͊̈́̋͆͊̓̏͐̕̕͘̚͘̕͘̚̚̕͘̚̚̕͘͘̚͜͜͜͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅ ̷̧̨̢̨̡̨̧̡̨̡̡̧̧̧̢̡̧̧̡̧̡̡̡̢̡̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͇͙̩͔͔̣̟̼̼̮͓͔͚̦̥͔̱̭͍̣̝̲͓͚̺̹̝̳̺͈̜̤̻̜͕͓͔̤͉̹̥͔̩̭͙͎̹̺͙͇͖̳̩̬͖̯̥̥͚̹͓̯̭̝͎̯̞͙̭͕̘͙̩̗͕̣̠̤̗̝̪͔͖̥̟͚͓̰̳͓̫̤̠̮͔͍̼̤͈̲̤̣͇̼̦̤͚̪͙͎͇̞̝̫̜̦͉͙̳͔̝̟͇͔̹͉̰̤͕̞̲̮̬͓̪͍̮̣̲͔͈̦̦̝̙̞̥̠͕̠̦̯̹̱͓͚̤͈̭̫̹͚͙̹̯͔̳̫̠̤̫̻̱͓͔̰̥͓͚̙̩̟͓̪̣͚͉͍̫̤̺̠͈̖̫̥͈̲̬͖̽̋͌̂̏̉̒͛͗͗̓̉̎̎̏̓͐̇͋̎͊̈̓͒̍̍͋̓̄̐̋̃̅̋̏̐͗̓̌̎́̌̓̿̈́̌̿͛͐̾̑̓͋͒̆͐̆̄̿̉̆͗̒̌͋̂̍͛͆̄̎̆̄͆̾̔͛͗̈́̒̊̓̅̈͒̅̓̉̂̊̆͛͋̆͂̀̆͂͑̍̎̅͐͆̐̑̈͋̈́͋͗͆̇̓̒͌̈́̄̐̎̓̋̀͂́̄̈́̐͑̇̏̈́͒́͋́̎͌͊́̍̄̌͆̈̇̋̋̈̎̈́͊̅̒̓̐̎̅̿̎̄͆̌̈́̓̇͗̋́́͌̑̒̊̑̆̂̐̒̅̈͗͗́͊͐̃͑̐̈͐̃̈́̎̂͆͑̃͆̂̓̓̒̏͌̌̊͋͋͗̆̾͗͒̏̊̉͊͗̃̇̔̏̃͌̈́̑̇̎͂͗̓̅̑̂̇́̇̈̋̋̕̕͘̕͘̕̕͘͘̕̚̕͘̚͘͘̚͘̕̕͜͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅģ̴̧̢̨̨̢̢̡̛̛̛̖̖̰̖̠̫͓̗͎̮̱̭̳͓͇̥̙̬̞͎̳̗̯̰͇͕̱̫͙̼͇̹̮̬͕̭̮̩̳̜̦͈̳͚̱̯͚̭͍̫͈̖̟̪̦̦̥̠͎̹̯͚̥̺͙̩̯̙͔̒͂̏̂͐̈̈́͐͋̔͗̏̎̈́͌̀̓̓̍̍̀̒̃̒̽͋̊̍͌̏̀̿̓͑͊̐̒͊̾̃̅̿̒̾͒́̒̈́̏̏̿̽̓͂̾̒̈̽́̋̿̓̽̇͌͌͐̋͛͊̾̑̏̅̌͆̔́͊̆̎̓͆̀̃̑̇̓́̽͌͐̽͌̏̅̑͐̾͋͊͋̆̋̑̔͗̏̈́̃̽͆̑̒͛͒̈́̈́̎̈́̒̄̅̆̅̔̈̂̃̌̅̽̈́̅͐̌͑̾̿̓̐̿̈̈̄̎͑͒̃̐́̓̽͋̈́͆̄̓̍̓̂̓̉̎̓̾̑̐̈́͊͂̀̉̋̒̽̆̓̈́̐̍͒̇͂̾̄̎̓̈̃̏̇̔̈́̿̿̆̌̓̐͆̈͌̉͌͂̃͊͗̌͊̈̈̿̆͆̆̿̎̊̔̈́̾͊̇̕̚̚̕̕̚̚̚̕̕̚̕͘̕͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅỉ̵̡̢̧̛̛̛̛̛̲̮̫͔̼̠̺͍̫̩̮͇̙̖̩͎̫̘̩̬̩̪̺̝͕͉͔̮̜̤̥̹̘͍͙̳̏̓͐͒̂̎͑̂̊̍̒̽̓̀̍̈̋͊̏͗̆͊̓͌̀̍̉̌̅̄͌̋͒̒̄̂̀̊̋͊̾̐͂̌̌͐͊̈́̋̋̅̈́̅͑̉̆̑̉̃̽̆̎̎̉͒̔̇̽̈́͒̌̓̅̿̒̈̌̏̓̍͂͌̅̈́͌͋͌̑̄̈̔̄̽̓̓̄́͋̃͗̈́̀͌̅̋̉̅͆̃̀̆̄̏͋̊͆͒̋̃̇͆̂̌̔͌́̔͋̈́̐͒́̒̎͊̀̈́̎̓͗̉́͑͐͐̅̈̊̊̔̓͒̎̄̍͛̃̇̃̋̎̃̃̃̈̾͑̊̌̔̆̈̋̌͆̌̈́̔͑͋̓̈́̉̀͌̎̏̓̑͒̏̃͛̀̚̕̕̕͘͘̕͘͘͘̕̕͜͝͠͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͠r̴̨̡̧̨̢̨̢̡̨̡̢̧̡̧̢̧̢̡̧̨̨̢̧̢͚̖̦͇̱̠̲̰̺̤̭̘̼͙̝̭̫̞̺̺̞͚̠̗̼̮̦͚̰͇͓͔̟̱̬͉͓̳̪̤̙̬̗͉̞̣͇̠͎̮͇͈̬͈͈̙͍̜̫̱͍͎̮̦͓̞̙̩̖̹̮̬̺̭̤͚̤͎͉̞̠͔͎̱̲̼̬̜̮͇͔̗̪̗͎̗͖̮̤͇̯̤̗̱͈̠͇̘͖̜̙̦̠̠̘̣̫̫̗͕̟̱̦̯̗̙̮̰̬͚͎̹̳̻͖̼̬̞͉̝̩̣͎̟̠̣̼̤̪͉͓̜͍͇̩͍̭̮͍̤͎̫̰͍͎͚̭̬̘̳͈̻̹̝͙̦̱̹̭̞͕̼̺̜̮̭̻̖͚̘͇̫͈͔̟͙̘̣͔̳̙̞̗̰͍͈͙̯͖̬͉̤͓̼̰͚̠̟͔͚̩̟̟̭͔̮̮̭̣͍̼̱̼̻̎̋̇̎̎̏̿̂̽́͆̅̓̃̋̇̈́̄̈́̑͑̈́͆͆̃̈̆̿͂͐͛͋̾̌͛̓͐͑͒̽̃͑̈́̆͐̇́̾̎̅͂̍̐͛̒̈̇̅͛̋̑̓̊͋͒̈̚͘̕̚͜͜͜͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅl̴̢̨̛̛̛̛͖͍̣̯͖̣̳͚̥̫̗̝̫̞̥̺̗̼͓̙͔̝̹̭̜̪̯̘̯̣̣͙͍̤̟̟͓̖͔̯̳̝̳̯̲̫̪̅̉͐͛̐̒̊̆̀͛̎̽͌̽̈͛̃̇̈́̓̿̃̔̑̃͊̾̈́̈͒̐͑̒͒̈́͆̀̎̿̉̒̏̿̑͆̀͂̽̆͛̐̍̉̒͑̒̇͂͑̀͒͗͋̆͂͂̆̀̄̈̑̈́̓̾̆̍̈́̈́̈͛̅̋̀̀̓̒͊̓̑͛̔̑̌̿͊̽͒̑̇̈́̒̈́͂͗͌̇̑̇̏͗͊̃͐̾̈́̍͒̑̌̐̆͊͌̈́̈́̿̿̈́͊̂͐͑̓̿́̓̽͋͛̃̄͑̐̂͊̉̌̔̋͆̏̆̈̋͌̈́̍͒̓̈́̈͆͐̍͛̍̚̚̕̕͘̕̚̕͘̚̕̚̚͘̕͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͠ ̵̢̨̨̡̡̢̨̨̨̨̨̡̡̨̢̨̨̧̡̡̧̛̛̯̼͚̖̮̪̮̯̘̮̤͕̤͖̳̜̖͎̯͙͖͕̯̳̳͎̩̬̥̦̗͈̖̹͉̣̥͉̠͓͔͖̬͚͎̯̼͈̟̪͍̥̠͔̪͉̼̲̗̭̬̠̪̳͖̞̬͈͙͇̜̣̺͕͖͓̖͙̹͎̪͔͖͙̺̠͖̟̜͍̣̣̹̣̺̫͎̠̜̪̘̣̞̬͚̙̮͇̭̖̝͈̜̭̼͈̮̮̻̺̯̬̫̲͈̞̗̖̗͉̳̹̺̯̜̦̩̰͍̩͈̤̣͕̭͇͉̭͔̦̦̣̘͎͙͍̤͎̘̻̰̫͔̭̥̲̦͎̘͕̙̣̹̯̪͙̣͚̠͍͇͕̪͚̙̭̼͇̟̦̯̠̪̗̤̜͓͇̫͎͔̓͂̒͊͂͌̒̒̓̀̏̎̓̐̅͛̓̾̓̀͊̅̂̔̊͊̅̿̓̈́̌͂̒̒̉̈̎̓̽͐̋̇̍̽̊͌̀͊̈́̓̉̓̽̍͐̊̍̅̿̆̇̓͐̋̃̿͑̔̎̅̇̂̏͋̐̑͌͑̄̽͊̌̍́̽͊͗̈́̌̍̂̽̇͌̌̈́̔́͂́̈́̅̅̀͆̊̍͋̌̔̐̈́̓̆̿̑̿̆̌͋̈͑̕̕̕̚̕̕͘̚̚͘̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅͅ _

 

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What was i doing again?

I wipe my mouth on a hand towel before i calmly walk back into her room. 

Yuri was sitting at the edge of the bed when I walked in, her head in her hands. 

She didn't even look at me when i walked back in. 

“I'm back.” I shut the door behind me, Yuri remains quiet. 

I walk over and sit down besides her, The silence is loud around us. 

I look over and her eyes are wide and tears are streaming down her cheeks, man she sure is a silent cryer, it was kinda unnerving. “You okay?” I poke her arm, man I'm good at comforting people. 

She still refused to move her attention away from the floor. “That must be one entertaining carpet, huh Yuri?” I laugh a little and poke her again, Still no budging. 

I bite my tongue as the silence continues, i think she was having some kind of break down? I don't know.. But I wanna help her i just have no fucking idea how to.

“I'm sorry…” Her voice was quiet and shook with sobs i haven't heard until just now. 

“Not your fault i had to barf, I'm the one that wanted to drink.” I rest my head on her shoulder. 

“..I'm not sorry because of that, I'm s-sorry i Pushed you.. You weren't ready and i got too excited for my own good again..” Her breathing caught as she swallowed back another sob. 

“You didn't push me to do anything.. I started this, but I'm just a scaredy cat I guess.” i go back to lay down on the pillows.”C’mere, just relax Yur’ it’s all okay..” I reach my arms out for her. 

she slowly crawls back over and accepts my embrace, she rests her head on my shoulder. 

I run my fingers through her long beautiful hair. “we’re okay, Yuri.” i press my lips against her forehead. “I love you.” 

She sighs and replies back. “I love you too..”

“Next time okay? I want to do this too.” 

She just softly nods back, and soon after she drifts slowly off to sleep. 

I can’t sleep, i just continue staring up at the slow moving ceiling fan. 

_ “what the fuck is wrong with me?”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so lazy tho I'm sorry I promise better chapters are coming up soon!! ALSO 136 KUDOS??? YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME UM???THANKS I NEVER HAD A FIC BE THIS WELL LIKED BEFORE?? also your comments always make me smile I Always look forward to them!!! (　＾∇＾)(　＾∇＾)(　＾∇＾)


	9. I chew you up and I'll spit you out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

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When I woke up there was two things i noticed, My lack of clothes, and a  _ horrible _ headache. 

I sit up too quickly and the room spins around me.  _ “Where in the fuck am I?” _ I close my eyes for a few minutes and try to wait for the spinning to stop, memories of this morning flood my head. 

_ Vodka burning my throat, Yuri on top of me, Spreading my legs for her, Throwing up in the bathroom, Holding her till she slept.  _

Fuck, i really did a lot didn't I? 

I look over to the sleeping girl next to me, she was passed out, I don't think death himself would be able to wake her from this kinda sleep. I would have thought she looked cute but my mind was just in other places right now. 

_ “Is this what a hangover feels like? Man that movie makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.”  _

I groggily get off the bed and nearly fall over my own feet, I quickly grab the window ledge for support. 

A chill runs up my spine, the january weather was not kind or welcoming, I shut it. 

_ “I should probably get dressed, can't really chill in my birthday suit it's fucking cold.”  _

looking around the room I'm unable to find my discarded clothes, Yuri probably put them away somewhere. I sign and make my way over to her dressers, I don't really wanna snoop this time but hey, I'm a piece of shit so. 

I pull open a drawer and am met with a  _ very _ large assortment of knives and switchblades, and something small in the middle wrapped in a dark blue handkerchief. Curiously I grab the item and unwrap it, It's the pink butterfly knife I gave her on christmas eve. 

_ “She really went outta her way to keep it safe? But it's not even that expensive or nice looking.”  _ I run my thumb over the handles.  _ “She has around fifteen of them in here that look like they can worth hundreds of dollars. Did she really like mines that much?” _ My lips curl into a small smile.  _ “That's actually really sweet.” _

As I go to wrap the handkerchief back around the knife I feel something else next to it, my favorite pink mechanical pencil that I thought I had misplaced three months ago.  _ “Why that little- she's had it the whole time? I feel kinda bad for yelling at Sayori about it now.” _

Why she took it i’ll never know, I’ll just have to ask about it later i guess, I sigh and place the items back into the drawer just as I had found it. 

Opening up another drawer I find that it's filled with shorts and socks, I grab a pair of black shorts and some crew socks. Her shorts were big for me but I pull the strings and tie them tightly around my waist. I opened up the drawer on top and without even caring i grab the first shirt that I see and slip it on over my shivering form. 

I give myself a quick once over in the mirror, I still looked pretty fucked up, but i think sleeping helped that a little bit. 

I still felt horrible, I needed some kinda food in my body. But I felt if I ate anything it would just come right back up again anyway. 

I slip out of the room and make my way down stairs, A warm smell hits my nose. 

It smells like… Cooking? 

I rub my eyes and walk into the kitchen, Naomi is stirring food around in a pan and it smells  _ heavenly.  _

“I’m making teriyaki chicken for dinner,” The woman turned around to smile at me.  “Come taste, see if you like it.” A pull at my heartstrings brought me back to my childhood. My mother standing at the stove, Cooking my favorite meal, she would smile warmly at me and call me over to have a quick bite of the food to see if i liked it, which i always did. My mama was the best cook and she was always so sweet to me… I really felt loved. 

“O-Oh yeah, sure.” I walk into the kitchen towards the stove, The older woman holds a wooden spoon up to my lips. “Say  _ ahh.”  _ Her words were playful, as if she was talking to a Child. She blew on it for a few seconds to cool it down, I open my mouth and graciously accept the bite. 

It was.. Really good, like  _ really really _ good. I haven't tasted home cooked food in so long, the familiar taste made me nostalgic. 

“What do you think? Is mama a good cook or what?” Naomi smiles at me and waits for me to reply, I quickly swallow the bite. “M-Mama..?” I stumble my words out. 

“Oh you know all you girls are like my daughters,” she laughed a little before returning to stirring the pot. “Go sit down I'll fix you a plate.” She pointed her wooden spoon towards a fancy little dining table. 

Yuri’s room sure was different from the rest of the house that's for sure. 

“N-No no thank you but I can't eat anything right now I feel-” The older woman cut me off, “Hungover? Yes I can tell, Go sit I'll fix you right up.” She lightly pushed me by the small of my back, I sat down at the table and held my head in my hands. “Is it that easy to tell?” I groan and rub my temples. 

She walks back over and places a plate of teriyaki chicken stir fried vegetables and fried rice in front of me, The food looks  _ amazing, _ and I would have dove right in had it not been for my turning stomach. 

Naomi sits down besides me on one of the other chairs. “Well no… But when you've been taking care of a daughter who's been hungover every other day for the past 4 years you come to notice things more easily.” she places a hand under her chin as she leans against the table. 

“She's been doing it that long..?” i stare back at the woman next to me, She nods and replies. “I can't say I blame her, ever since her father's passing she hasn't been the same.” Naomi sighs bitterly. “Our relationship has never been the best, I tried to be a good mother to her, but she really just doesn't care anymore.” 

“Oh wow uhm.. I'm sorry to hear that.. Me and my old man don't have the best relationship either.” 

_ “yeah it's not the best cause it's the worst he's a fucking dick.”  _

“How about your mother, surely you two are close?” she takes a sip out of a wine glass I had no idea she was holding. 

“Ahhh..haha… No, she passed away when I was younger, We were close very close though.” I reply grimly, my eyes turn away from the woman- That is before she quickly envelopes me in a suffocating hug. “Oh you poor girl! I'm so sorry to have brought this up,” She affectionately rubs my back. “Don't you worry, I'll be like your mother, you'll always have a home here.” 

I awkwardly wrap my arms around the woman accepting the hug. “Since you're dating my Yuri you're already practically my daughter in-law Anyways.” the woman pats my head before letting me go. 

“Y-You know about us?” I reply back anxiously. “Did she tell you that fast?” 

_ Wait- DAUGHTER IN-LAW??  _

_ “ _ No.” She says between a sip of her wine, “But these walls,” she taps her ear. “Are  _ very _ thin.” 

I die, I actually die, I feel my soul physically leave my body. 

My cheeks immediately heat up from embarrassment, I shove my hands in my face. 

Naomi rubs my back reassuringly. “Oh don't worry about it! I was a teenager once myself I know all about the sex and the sneaking around,” she finishes off her glass of wine. “Trust me at least I don't have to worry about you kids not using protection, Plus you're much more charming and attractive than any boy.” she sits up and walks over to the counter. 

“Ughhh…” I groan into my palms. Not only was I severely hungover but now I'm Also dying of embarrassment. 

A few moments pass and Naomi returns and hands me a glass of of cold ice water, she hold two small white pills in front of me. “Here, it's aspirin for your headache.” she goes to put them in my mouth, it's odd.. But also motherly, I tilt my head up slightly and she places the medicine in my open mouth. I quickly swallow down as much of the cold water as I could, i  _ hated _ swallowing pills, I almost choked on a dayquil pill monika had given me for a cold, and I've been scared since. 

“You're going to need to drink a lot of water you're probably dehydrated.” She walked back over to the fridge to refill the glass. “Also trust me I know you probably think you can't stomach that kind of food right now, but it never fails to cure a hangover, trust me it's all Yuri eats when she gets like this.” 

I look down at the food and my stomach gets queasy, I stab into a small piece of broccoli with my fork and I can barely make myself eat it, Naomi notices this and quickly walks over. “That baby bite is not going to make you feel better at all.” 

She takes the fork away from me and piles some of the  rice and chicken onto it in a big bite, I shake my head and back up. “No way, I can't-” my sentence is cut off by the fork being shoved into my mouth. 

The food is good, but the fried rice is really greasy, I could barely swallow the first bite before the second is in my mouth. 

I wanna turn away and spit it out but the older womans other hand has a firm but gentle grip on my jaw, holding my mouth open. “Calm down,” She set the fork down, And I quickly grabbed the ice water and started drinking as if my life depended on it. “Sorry to be so forceful, I had to do the same thing to Yuri the other night.” She takes a paper towel and wipes the corner of my mouth. “Now tell me you don't feel one hundred times better?” She smirks triumphantly as she waits for my reply. But now that she mentions it.. I do feel a whole lot better, I'm not nauseous anymore and my headaches gone. “You are so amazing.” I reply in awe. 

She winks at me before sitting up. “yes i know, thank you.” 

Just as she sits up Yuri walks into the kitchen and sits down across from me, she rests her forehead on the glass table. 

“You alright there?” I reach over and poke her arm, her only reply is a grumbled “Mhm.” and a thumbs up. 

She didn't look too good, In all honesty I only had 7 or 8 swigs of the bottle before blacking out, She drank more than  _ half. _ I can't imagine what kind of hangover she's dealing with. 

Her mother comes along and sets down a glass of water, a plate of food, and four aspirin in front of her. 

Yuri sits up and dry swallows the pills, I cringe at the sight. 

Naomi walks over to my side, “So my lovely daughter,” The older woman places her hands on my shoulders, they feel cold. “When were you going to tell me you had gotten yourself such a pretty girlfriend?” Her tone was mischievous as her accent cut through It. 

I’ve noticed she acts differently when Yuri is around,

I'm not entirely sure why. 

Yuri looks over to me, Her brows knit together tightly as if to say.  _ “You told her?” _

I quickly shake my head. “Uhm, thin walls..” I whisper.

The taller girl sighs and looks over to Naomi. “I wasn't going to.” 

The older woman clicked her tongue in annoyance before walking off. 

I awkwardly sip my water, Yuri crosses her arms and stares at me. “Someone's moody.” I speak first, trying to break the awkward tension. 

“I told you not to talk to her.” Her tone was flat, almost empty sounding. 

“Hey man, I'm not the one who told her,” I shrug my shoulders. “She's the one who heard us almost get our freak on, Thin walls baby.” I cross my arms and sit back. 

“Natsuki that is idiotic, These walls are soundproof,” Yuri pouts, “Besides that's not what I am talking about.” 

“What's got you all grumpy then?” I lean forward and rest my hand under my chin. 

“I told you very clearly, I do not want you associating with her, she's untrustable.” 

What does she mean untrustable? All that woman has been this whole time is trustable! 

“Your mother isn't as bad as you're making her out to be Yuri, In fact she-” she cuts me off. “Talked to you, gave you something to drink, fed you, big fucking deal.” Her tone is bitter and bordering on the edge of angry, I  _ really _ hope this doesn't start an argument, I am way too fucking tired for that right now. 

“Uh yeah,  _ big fucking deal.  _ What's so bad about that? You're the one that's lucky enough to  _ have _ a mother. She's nice,  _ really _ nice. why do you hate her so much? I'd give anything to be in your place.” I suck in a quick breath, I hadn't meant to get so worked up over this but fuck- my own issues are getting in the way of things here, Naomi herself had told me they didn't have the best relationship, why did I bud in? Why can't i just listen for  _ once _ in my fucking life? 

“You would give anything to be in my place?” Yuri sits up, “Come upstairs I'll show you what  _ my place _ is.” Yuri marches out of the kitchen and up the stairs, I try my hardest to keep up with her long strides but my legs ain't the longest okay? 

Once back in the room Yuri shuts the door behind us. 

She walks over to a broken bookshelf in the far corner of the room. “My  _ place, _ is getting my things broken because I was half an hour late home.” I really should have kept my mouth shut, i think the state of this room is starting to make sense to me. 

“My  _ place,” _ she walked over to a large dent in the wall by the mattress. “Is getting my head slammed into a wall because i overslept.” 

I remain glued to the spot, my chest gets tight as the anxiety kicks in. 

I should have kept quiet, I should have just agreed with her. 

“My place, is getting a  _ fucking _ ashtray broken over my head on Christmas eve because my room smelled like cigarettes.” 

_ The broken glass, the air freshener,  _

_ Oh.  _

“Yuri.. H-Hey, I'm sorry I didn't know.” I walk over to the angry girl, I can see tears poking at the corner of her eyes, “I'm sorry.. Let's calm down, yeah?” I wrap my arms around her, I feel her breathing hitch before she exhales a choked, frustrated sob. 

She wraps her arms around me. “I'm sorry… I overreacted.” She pressed her lips against my forehead. “I just despise her… So much, and I know she just never has good intentions for anything, she's a liar and a manipulator.” i try to comfort the taller girl by leaning up to give her lips a quick peck, She smiles sadly at me. 

“Heh, sounds like your mom and my dad should go out to dinner sometime.” I try to crack a joke to lighten the mood but we both know its not funny, it's just bitter. 

“Your father does similar things to you?” Her voice was soft, soft and hurt. 

I nod, “ever since my mama died he's been pretty mean,” as me and yuri hold each other we rock back and forth slowly. “Remember when Monika saw that big bruise around my neck, and I told you guys i accidentally choked myself while putting on my tie?” 

“You didn't choke yourself with your tie did you.” Yuri asks. 

I bury my head against her chest. “Ahahah… No.” 

“I called you a klutz then, didn't I?” She sounded remorseful, “Yeah you did.” I wrap my arms more tightly around her, I don't wanna let go. “it was funny though, and we joked about it. Remember Monika made sure i let her fix my tie before school for like a week after that?” 

Yuri nodded. “I remember um, one time I asked her to pretend to be busy, just so I would have an excuse to fix it for you.” I peek up and I can see a nervous blush on her cheeks. 

“Really?” A small giggled escapes my lips, “Is that why you spent like ten minutes re-doing it over and over again?” 

“Yes, I was nervous, I wanted it to be perfect,” Yuri pulls away so she can cup my cheeks, “Like you.” 

I can't help myself, she was too pretty and sweet in this moment for me not to lean up and kiss her.  

We kiss for a few seconds, but it's not a heated messy kiss like all the others have been. 

This kiss was sweet and slow, it was full of love and sadness as well. 

Our lips separated after a few minutes, but we continued holding onto each other. 

“I’ve never felt this good in my whole life,” She pressed her lips to my forehead once again. “Just being with you is a far greater pleasure than anything I could ever imagine.” 

One of hands affectionately runs through the back of my hair, I remain silent as I just sit and listen to her words. 

As my head was pressed against Yuri’s chest, i can feel the beating of her heart grow faster and faster, “I'm addicted to you.” she continued speaking. “It feels like I'm going to die if I'm not breathing the same air as you.” 

Her heart was pounding heavily, I pull away for a second to check if she's okay. 

Her pupils were blown and she had this..this crazed, yet loving look on her face. “Doesn't it feel nice to have someone care about you so much, to have someone who wants to revolve their entire life around you?” I nod my head in agreement “It's a lot more than nice.” 

I bring one of her hands up to hold it against my cheek, Her expression is cute, she's so excited she's practically shaking.

Her thumb caresses my cheek, “But if it feels so good..” She held her words back for a moment. “Then why does it feel more and more like something horrible is going to happen?” 

I kiss the inside of her palm. “Nothing horrible is going to happen, Yuri.” 

“Natsuki, I can't take it anymore, I have to tell you.” her breathing is uneven, I take note of that. 

“Yuri.. Calm down whatever it is you're getting yourself too worked up about it,” I lean forward once again to press our lips together, she accepts the kiss but this time it becomes heated fast. 

“I'm… I'm madly in love with you.” She speaks in between frantic kisses, before I know what's going on she backs me against her dresser, “It feels like every inch of my body-” She picks me up and places me on top of it. “Every drop of blood in me-” she grabs the collar of my shirt- her shirt and rips it with a knife she's gotten out of nowhere, I think she pulled it from her pocket. “Is screaming your name-” 

“Y-Yuri, wait a sec- Mmn-” I'm quickly silenced as she shoves her tongue inside of my mouth. 

I can't fight it anymore, A series of ones and zeroes hangs over my head, i feel like I'm going to suffocate, like I'm going to suffocate in her. 

I push her off of me so I can catch my breath, “What's up with you?” I wipe spit off of my mouth and chin. 

“Please, Natsuki, just know how much I love you.” She's frantic, and I'm drowning I'm drowning drowning drowning. 

I lean back in this time, i bury my fingers in her hair and pull her forwarded harshly into the kiss, She moans loudly in my mouth and i swallow it down, I pull harder. 

the kiss is horrible, its bruising and bloody. 

I feel like we’re just trying to consume each other at this point. 

“Take your sweater off.” I demand and she does it, She tosses it to the side. 

I finally see her arms, 

They're covered in scars and cuts. 

I'm taken back for a moment, she notices my stare. “Do you like them, they're all for you, each and every one.” 

“No.” I reply back bitterly. 

Her face contorts at this, she looked hurt. 

I slap her. 

“Get off of me and get on your knees.” I demand her once again and she follows through with it instantly. 

I get off of the dresser and kneel down next to her. “You’re disgusting.” I grab her roughly by her hair and hold her head back. “Open your mouth.” 

She complies and even sticks her tongue out against her chin. 

I spit into her mouth. 

She swallows it and she's still smiling. 

She's still disgusting. 

ones and zeros ones and zeros.

Why am I doing this. 

Why is this happening. 

She's disgusting. 

No, I am. 

Ones and zeros ones and zeros 

Someone help me.

Someone help her.

Why is this happening.

Everything was fine.

Why.

Why.

Why. 

Yuri speaks, with her disgusting disgusting voice. “I'm yours, I love you-” I slap her mid sentence, “Prove how much you love me, Prove it.” My words aren't mine. 

My body is not mine. 

I reach for the knife. 

Not the knife she was holding, but the pink butterfly knife, which had appeared out of ones and zeros and ones and zeros. 

She accepts it graciously, She knows what to do with it. 

She laughs right before she stabs herself 

AH̷̡̛̝͔̝͍͎̯̜̙͕̯͍͔͕̤̱͇̣̹͈̣̺̩͉̰̤̤̟̺̣̖̳̩̣̯̪͖̻̒͛̎̐̑̂͗͊͐̓̏̊͂̆̅̍́͛̚͠͝͠͝͝͝Ȧ̸̛̛̖̻̗͚̀̉͛̎́̊̓͊̉̉̔H̷̛̛̛̛̖̝̤̲̏̀̈́͂̔̈̽͋̿̊̿̒̂͋̐̈́̓͆͐̀͑̅̇̽̔̋̂͌̉̅̋͌͑͌̎̕̚̚̕͝͝A̶̡̡̡̡̢̡̡̧̨̡̹̜͚̙̗͍̼̞͙̮͚̠̤͕̰̯̭̪̳̯̜̠͉̟̎̀̂̄̇͌̓̈́͒̌̊͒͐́̓̃̎͗̔̑͂͗́͋͗͂̇̄͆̔̉̄̈́̓̑͘͘͘͘̚͜͜͝͠H̸̨̡̢̧̛̭̝̬͕̥͈̙̫̖̹͈̼̘̮̤͈̘̺̱͍͉̹̲̮̟̺̖̘̙͍̥̖͕͙̦͖̲̝͑̉̎̌̓̓̑̇͂͒̈́̔͗͒̃̈́̐͊̇̍̓̒̐͊͛̽̊̾͛̕̚͠͠A̵̡̢̨̠̟̭̟̮͕͇̤͖͉̱̩̠͔̫͇͇̯̼̰̩̪̮̲̱̰͎͈̥̹͌̋̀̀̽͛̈́̇͆̓̈́̏͛̎́̂͛͛́͌̊̐́̽̑̓̀͋́̓̈́̐̿̍̓̀̏̚͘̕͠͝͠͠͠H̸̨̧̛̛̙̟̦̘͉͇̯̐̈́̾̔̀̌̾́͋̃̈̅̈͋̓̓̉̔̾̆̔̋̀̓̀̋͒̒̔̑̈̂͛̕̚̕͘̚̕̕̚͝͠ͅĄ̴̫̹͉̭̭͕̪͈̩͙̜̜͉͚̻̱̟̮͈̪̘̻͔͇̗̳͔͎̖̭̞͇̜͚̱͌ͅȞ̴̡̡̙͇̦̣͇̪̲̹̼̥̹̜͍̺͈͚̯̪̬̖̪̳͇̻̳͚̰̤̪͖̹͇̽̈́̈̂̑̑̂͂͗̈́̎̔̀̒͋̈́͘̕̕͘͠Ą̴̢̡̢̡̛̪̳̬̪̰̜̰̗̘̹̬̳̮͇̞̰̤̯̤͈̖̦̜͖͕͓̬̺̭͇͔̪̋̍͆̃͋̉͑̎̆̅̈́̈́̌̈͆̾̆̀̌͋̅̾̉̆̈́̊͠ͅH̷̨̨̨̨̢̜̟̟̟̟̤̩͔͕͇̰͈͍͖̖̩̞̘͈̠͖̩̖͇͂͒̄̇̔̄͋̈̐̎̆͋̓͊̑̈̉̓̑͗̋̋́̀̒͗̈͌̕̚͘̕A̴̧̨̲̟̪̟̟͖̲̩͔͆̒͌͒̔̅͗̏̚͠H̵̨̢͇̰̰͈̙͍̤͚̠͕̣̠̻̞̖͍̞̙̳̙̙̲̰̯̳͈̫̏̀͠ͅͅͅÀ̶̧͈̟̲̥̻̻̦͗͛̽̌̂̄͋̏̆́͋̚̚Ḩ̴̮̤̬̮̜͚̳͙͓͈̪̥͖̠̻͈̳̜̤̻̳̙̩̮͙͚͂́̽̃̅̿̓̓̂́͗͛̈́͗͐͂͗́͊̈́͑͂͊͗̿̄́̄́͋̐͘͘͜͝A̵̘̳̖͉̼̠̘̻͈̹̥̘̭̖͓͚̟̤̱̺̘̘̻̱̮̾͛̏͋̈̌͂̊̎̿̚̚͝͠ͅͅͅḨ̶̢̢̭̩͇̳̩̼̪̱͎̩̜͚̦̝̺͙̳̬͚̇̂͜Ą̴̛͇̩̠͕̪͚̮̥͙̖̺̣̭̥̤̱̮͕͙̜̩͈̲̺̮͕̣̭̲̲͖̔͆͐̆͂́̈̌̈̂̎͌̍̉̈͛̈̋̍̿̍̄̓̋̂̎͒̉͘͜͠͝͝͝͝H̵̨̧̧̡̢̢̨̝̖̼̥̥̜͚̙̣̥̠̬̦͙͇̯̣̪͈͓̝̳̠͓̥̠̻̭̙̱͈͇̥̩̅̌͆̐͛A̷̢̡̡̪̞̜̥͖̱̭̼̣͚͙̯̘̖̝̬͓̮̖̹͙̩̣͙̣̩̻͆̓̔̓͒̎̈́͛̇̋̈́̍̌̏̐̽̓̓͗̊͛̀̈́̿͛̒̕̕̚͜͝͝͝͝͝͝H̵̢̡̧̢̨̡̘̝͇͈͕̩̭̱̳̤̯̗͙̰͖̝̣̤̟̤̜͖̜̤̫̤͉͇̳͉́̄ͅA̶̧̨͙̝̬͔̠̫̩̺͚̭͍̮̝͔̭̱̼̺̖̩͎̗̻͉̻͓̳͆̑̈̐̊͋̓͜͠͝͝͠H̵̡̡̢̖͙͙̩͇͉͓̳͕̻͕̗̰͚̼͉̬̠̳̼̼̠̮͉͖̮̜̤̦̻̖̙̘̦̱̥̑́̒̈́̄̓̈́̎͛̿͌̌͜Ȃ̸̛͕̱̬͍̱͇̜͇̰͎̬̅̏̿͒͗̾͛̇̈́̈̊̎̎̀͑̒̋̀̾̑̔̀͆̂̉̍̌̌͗̈͐̊̓̕̕̕̚͝͠͠H̴̨̨̧̞͓͈̪̼̲̠͈͙̻̤̣̤̗̭̟̯̣͙͎͖͙͖͖̹͙͍͍̼̯̮̟̥̫̤̺̲͈͇̘̱̗̲̹͚̣͊̊͑͌͆̆͝ͅͅĄ̷̢̧̡̡̢̧͇͚͍͚̮̪̫̩̤̦͉͎͕̦̗͔͍̟̹͕̠̤͍̩̺̬̓͆͌Ĥ̶͓̻̞̣̝̮̫͖̹͇̹̣̼̆̓Ä̵̢̧̛̠̖̫̟̣͇̱͉̞̰̭̩͔͉͙̤̩͈͍͕̮̳̗̗́̓̽́̄͒̓̒͋̑̅͆́͋͋͂̂̏̚̚͘͜͝͠ͅͅ

  
  
  


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̧̧̨̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̫̞̼͉̟̥̟̮̻̯̣̮͚̱̻̰͕͓͓̠̫̘̜̤̙̺̖͉̰̦̜͇̟̘̖͍͉̯̻̭̟̪̭̼̖̰̱̲̫̗̻̣̇̾͗͆̅̂̆̌̌̑͗̽̾̿͆̄͗̏̽̎̅̔̌̓̂̓̈͂͊̂͛̈́̇̀̈́́̈́͊̃͛͆̑͌͊̂̇͋̇͆̆͗̌̑̎́͒̉̽̅̈̉̍̃̓́̈̌̂̓̐̿̊̇̋̌̊̈́̈́̓͛͌̀͒͗̂̆̿̌͑͑̈́̍̌͛̽̓̀̈́́̏̍̓̎͐̂̽̍́̓̃͌͛̿̿́̋̑̈́͆͂̑͆͂͗̎̔̔͆̂̋̽̈́͊̏͑̍̊̂͑͆̓̎̈́͐̊̍͑͐̑̾̅͒̑̂̉̓̽͋̔̅̆̎͗͗̚̕̚̕̚̕͘͜͜͝͠͠͠͠͠͠͝͠͠͠͠͠͝H̸̨̨̡̡̨̡̨̧̧̨̢̨̡̡̡̨̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̤̭̞̜̹̗̟̥͓̮̰̻͍̖̹̞̱̠̣̹̗͔̠̩̗̟͖̭̳̻̗͍̣̯͙̦͓̣̩͉̟̘̜͈͖̮̩̫̰̹̹̭͙̺̣̺͕̰̳͎͖͈̝̦̘̙̫̻͉̣̙͕̗̭̫̩̗̦̖͖̖̙̳͙͎͖̮͈͈͚̥̥̳͔̜̺̝̤̗͕̲̬͖̰̥̠̲̱̬̹̙̥͖̳̭̘̙̠͆̿̾͛̈́̃̇̑̄̃́̍͐̿̈́͒̆̓̋̽̔͋͛̄̇͒̽̈́̌̊̔͗̐̎̌̊̇̎̒͊̃͊̾̿͛̿̿͊̀̒͗̉̈͛̾̋̏͊̾̆͌̍̋̂̒̅̂͑͛̒͛̈́̾̅̈́̐̒̎̑̇̄̈̀̈͂̇̎͛̋̉̓͗̈́͌̾̎̊̅͗̿̊̆̎̒͂̿̈̉̏̊̓̐͊̓̔̏̎̿̉͑̐͋̓̓̒̀͋̋͑͌̐̊̃͛͑́̇̓͋͛̇̌̇͊̂̓̐̅̓̎̾͆̿̾̂̍̑̈́̾͛̍̈́̆̌̾̈́͑̒̐͛͗͆̈́̈́̈́͑̿̓͒̐͊̋͛̊̋͊͌͑̏͛̉̾̎̑̾͒̌̉̆̂̍̔̏͛̔̅͆̍̑̄̎̾̐͒̀̅͛͘̕͘͘̚͘͘͘͘͘̕̚͘̚̚̕̕͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͠ͅͅͅĄ̶̧̨̨̡̧̢̨̧̧̡̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͇͉̭̝̤͎̬̲̭̲̫͉̮̝̟͎̞̫̬̙̤͓̲̗̺̜̳̻̖̭̟̦̼̼̪̺̭̰͕͍̖̞̯̥̟̫͚̻̠͈̪̦̝͕̭̮̦͎̻̖̦͔̭̮͇̻̖̖̫̳͔̬̖͈̜̘͎̱̜̞̬̳̺̯̰̤̝̦̫͈̝̩̦͈̮̞̠̗͖̲̹͙͔͍͙̻͉̤͚̩̳͇̼̰͕̱͎̯̗̱̠̙̇̾͑̄͛͛́̓̉͊̀̌̉͂͑̄̏̎͂̓͂̍̋̒̌͆͂̏̑̌͐̈̂̾̂̇̈́͐̓̾̓̅̊̀̿̊͆̋̐̽̍̿̉͐͛̑̍̍̒̈̓̿̃̅̎̾͊̽͆͐̊̂͊́́̄͋̓͆̎͑̋̓̈́̍̏̈̊̾̒̇̔͋̎͒̃̐̍̇̊͌̀̃͂̍̌̈́͌͐̚̕̕̚͘̕̚͜͠͝͠͠Ḩ̷̧̢̨̧̧̨̨̨̡̡̡̧̡͉̘͍̳̫̣̮̦̟̠̯̦͖̣̖̖͕̜͔̫̦͕̟̰͉̩̮͕̦̩̠̖̲͇̣̝̩͙̣̟̙̹̤̩̫͉͚͉͇̦͇̳̘̲͓̥͕͓̯̹̩̭͔̺̤̥͔̰̝̫̭͚͚̩̼̯̯͔͚̝͓͖̖̻̭̥̺̘̻̮̳̮̞͚̣̲̠̝̫͓̭̳̖̦̭͍̹̤͎̣͍̪̝̗̗̦̯̲͍̻̱͉̜̦̫̻̼̗̠̭͇̙̣̞͓̰̙̻̗̻̜̹̗̩̤̭̩̲̱͎̈͌͌̓̑͛̈́̾̇͒̈́͌̓͗̆͂̌͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅͅẢ̸̡̡̡̧̧̧̧̢̧̡̨̧̢̨̡̢̡̢̧̡̧̨̨̡̧̡̧̡̨̧̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̤̮͇͓̻͍͔̣͚̰͔͍̫̬̯̺̞̬̼̙̣̞͍͖͙̺̙͕̼̻̹̳͓̼͕̗̫̳͚̲̱̘̟͔̘̞͙̼͙̥̮̳̬͚̘̭̺̻͙̬̱̠̗͚̮͈̮̦͇͔̻̱̦͇̹̭̙̗̼͉͔̺͙̠̗͍͇̭̟͙͙̜̱̙̬̮̲̙̙̰̫̣̥̙̩͔̳̟͉̹̪̳̙̺̖̖͕̱̻̗̗̩̩̝̤͙͚̣͍̝̲̟̘͍̜͉̼̼̻͖̳̫̻̱̠̲̞͚̜͎̱̺̩̘̦͖̠̭͎̣͕͎͓͈̯̼̜͕͙͎̗̳̫̘̣͇͕̥̭̞̲̞̟̭͖͇̟͔̗̠͓̯̪̩̘̯͇̼̠͇̹̹̝̙͍̭̞͍̖͇̪̲̯̹͙̘͕̝̳̩͙̩̮̤̹̠̜̬̘̤̭̳͇̼̠͍̯͗͗̔̓̒̄̆̂̈́͋̂͒͑͐̄͐̐͗́̊́̿͗̈̆̌͆͌̀͐̂̌̾̍͊͑̊̊̈́̽͂̎͊͗̌͑͒͐̅̓̄͌͊̎̋̈́͗̑̾̍́̃̓̓̽͗́̆͐̍͋̾̐̈́̌͌͂̏̓͂̓̓͋̈́͂̏͒̇̓̆͌̐͒̈́̔̋̈̉͆͋̈́̂̒̎̊̎̍̏̅̌́̑͒̂͋̈́̌̎͂͊̎̆̾͊̌͌̓͛̇̂̈́̍̓̐̀̿̃̒̋̈̑͆̎̉̈́̿̏̔͛̒̋͐̈̿̅͋͒͋̋̅̿̂͊̓̈̂͛͌͆̓͌̐͋̓̍̍̿͛͒̓͆͒͌̂͂̊͐̌̋̐͂́̌̍̽̾̉͐̎̋̚̚̚̕̕̚̕͘̕̕̕̚͘̚͘̕̕̚͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅH̸̛̹̞̣̞̰͕̪̫͍̖̜͈͉̻̪͖̦̝́̅̊̒̎̐͗̆̒̔͛̋̈́̍̓̌̾̍̋͌̓̽̈́̃̓͗̇̏͐̄̈́̍͌͛̽͆͆̆̍͑̓͌̔̉̎͋̅͗̄̊͗̽̊͌͆͗̍̿̉͌̾̃̉̈́͊̃̈̑̏͆͛̾̽̀͆͒̄̆͂̃͑̏͐͆̐̈́̾́̓̇̈́̃̈͆̿͐̒̏͛͘̚̕̚̚̚̕͘͠͝͠͠͝͝Ả̵̡̨̢̨̡̢̧̧̨̨̡̛̛̛̛̛̻̫̳̦̲̜͕̲͚̳͖͎̦̹̜̬̯̩̩̦͕̮͉̲̹̣͖̯̣̯̦̟̠͇̲͖͍̥̼̩͙̺̪̘̬̟͇̼͈̦̹̰̗̥͕̖͚̱̪͕͇͍̺͍̙͔͎͍͔͎̤̞̯͖̰̻̘̼̬̯̙͎͇̺̣̝͍͈̜̬̤̪͇̪̝̪̠͓̱͔̱̦͕͓̻̗̘̪̘̠̟͔͙̬̮͉̦̱͚͓̯̺̣̰̜͚̦̙̝̜̰͕̣͓̐̒̊̓͂̓̂̾̋̊̔̌̎̉͌̑̾͌̋͐͑͛̅̾̈̑̈́̈̾̆͒̅̄̌̑̆̐́͛̓̽͗̒̀͌̃̾͐̽̈́͛͌̇͆̈͒́̋̅̅͂͛̈́́͐͛̄̾͌̔͗̃͌̉̈́͂͂̾̌̂̈̑̊͒̅̏̊͗̐̂͊͆̇̂͌̈̽̇̅̑̃̃̋̈̾̅͛̃͆̆̈́̄̄̾̈̈̑̇̈́̌̏͐̔̍̏̉̈́̈́͗̌̐̆̈̈́͌̀̅͊̅̉̎̾̒̓͒̍̓̈́̎͒̋͂͆̄͂͐̀͋̎̊̐͂̄̂̔͌̉̆̏̈͗͗̽͛̈́́̈͒̈́̓̊̔̐͋́̔̌̎̐̃̒̓͊̅͛̊͋͛̌̍̅̈͌̊͑̆́̚͘̚͘̚̚͘̚̕̚̚̚͘̕̕͘̕̚̕͜͜͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅH̸̢̢̨̢̢̢̢̧̛̛̛̰͕̹̬͍̠̮̗̙̱̲̹͉̖̠̖͍͍̮̹̠̭̤̬̝̻̬̰̺̳̭͙̣̘̩̟̞̫͔̼̬̩̺̼͈̝̖̗̳̞͙̹̜͈̲̞͖̰̯͚̯͚̠̘̭̱͉̦͓̬͚̣̟̠͙͛̇̐̿̎͛͌́͗͗̽́͐͗̔͛̀̍̎͂͆͗̿͛̑͐̄́̏̋̾̓̄̓̆͌͗̋̔̔̓͌̊̿̍̐͆͒̄͌͂̋̃̂̋̓͐̀́̓̀̽́̈́̑̋̍̏͐̋͌̿̾̔̇́͗͊̓̍̋͂̽͑͌͗͑̓̄̿̋͑̅̌͗̾̔̇͗́͐̿̈̑̽͑̒̀̐͌͗̔̋̍͊̊̆̄̀͘̚͘̕̕̚̚͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝ͅĄ̷̧̨̨̢̨̨̪̝̯̹͈̤̻̱̭̠͍̥̞̖̰̖̭̯̞̺͖̺͙̥̳͙̼̥̹̩͕͇̪͉̣̭̖̪͇͈͉͉̦̤̭͓̖̙̬̜̤͇̹̻̗̰̰̠̤͉̹̫̜̹̱̱̞̦̟̯͇̮̖̱͖̦̤̰͈̗̻̤͔̤̲̗̞̗̬̖̠̭̞̝͖̿̌͛͒͋̄̽̽̈́̇̄͒͒̓̀̓̈́͘͜͜͜͜ͅͅͅH̷̢̢̢̡̢̢̨̨̢̧̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̦̣̹̱͓̭̲̝͙̹̞͉̰͙̫̝͎̻̥̠͖̟̼̼͈̣̖̹͈̻̗͎̠̪̼̻̠̯̜̻̝͔̖̹̞͖̙̹̜͔̪͈̱͇̘͓̪̥̯̮̙͔̬̼̳̮͉͉̮̣̙̜͚̳̟̠̝̼̠̠͚͙̩̬̞̠̿̈̑̇̒̎̉̅̋́͌̑̓̽̓͊͊̓͋̈́͌̊͛̈́̇̀̀̆͋̎̅̉̇͑͗̅̇͗̑̒͒͊̈̀̈́̄̍̓͂̑̌̐͌̌̍̈́͂̀̒͒͋͑̿͊̈́̉̏͆̂̉̒̊̈́̑͐͑̓̄̄̀̍̐̃̇̈́̒͗̿̔͌̆̾͂̅̏̾̍̅̈́͌̓̏̃͛͗̃̐͊͛̈́̒̀̔́̄̊̊͂̿̐͂͌̃̌̃̃̑̆͂̓͆̔̒̃̇̈́̅̓̽̇̂̏̂̀̑͂̈́̈̈́͐̔͌̽̈́̊̏̇̈̊̃̔̂̇̐̀̔̀́͗͑̈́̿̉̾͊̐̌͐͗͛̒͆̓͒̽̌̆̌̉̊͂̈́͊̉̋́̉̊̊̈́͛̈͆͊̿̅̆̈͆̈́̎͒̀̄̀̊͌̈́̚͘͘̕̚̚͘͘͘̕͘̕̚̕̚̕͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅA̴̡̢̨̧̡̢̢̨̧̧̢̢̧̧̧̢̧̨̢̢̡̨̛̛̛̛͍̝̺̞̯̱̬̠͕͔̜̮̗͈̺̰̱͓͔̖̖̥̩̳̲͓̻̪̼̭͍͕̞̫͇̯̗̲͍̣̬̰̱͓͇̺̞̺̙͇͓̞̻̗̟͎̰̩͍̪̩̦̘̝͖͎͕̯͈̮̟̪͓͈̠̣̫̭̫̠͍͙͚͓̟̹̹̜̲̙̻͉̯͚͇̦̰͙̯̣̝̤̤̩͓̭̭̙̳͈̻̗̪͙̰̬̪̖͔̣̬̦̟͙̟̗̮̪͇̖̱̻̘̹͇̞̻̘̹͇̖̟͖̦̫̝͖̲͕͎̤̮͉͚̹̻͎̤̞͔̯̥͉̠̠͇̤̹̥̦̪̹̘̠̦̮̤͈͇̻̹̝̝̪͖̞͕̥̼̳͈͉̫̬͉͇̜͔̮̲̤̪̼̫͎̝̐̈́̑̐̍̑̐̌̉͐͛͛̀͆͒̉̂̍̎̿̾͐̋͐͆͛̄́̄͑̂̿̃́̌̏͆͒̄̾̇̓͑̄̈͌̅͛̃͌̅̓̋̐͂̂͐̃̎͗́̆͐̌̒͛̇̒̓͌̿̇̈͋̈̇̆̾̒͂̅̍͛̈́̎̅̍̋͂̅̏͊̅̋̐̌͒̊̽̈́̈́͛͛̃̌̿̈́̇̏͋̈́̂̉̓́͋̾̒͐͌̉̈́̽̊͋͆̽̐͐͛͒̽͌͐͋͋̔̃̆̇̆̈̃͑͆̅̓̏͛̍̆̕̚͘̚̚̚͘̕̕̚̚̚̕͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅ

  
  
  
  
We fade to nothing.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Our lips separated after a few minutes, but we continued holding onto each other.

“Wha- what were we talking about?” I rub my eye with the heel of my palm, i pull away from her warm and loving embrace for a second to look her up and down. “When did you put your sweater back on?” I reach out to touch the fabric. 

Yuri looks just as confused as I felt, but she still smiled at me. “You're so silly, what are you going on about?” 

What was I going on about? 

Whatever is was, it doesn't seem like it was that important if I forgot it so fast. 

“Nevermind,” I pull her over to the bed. “Y’know I never got to listen to that playlist you made me.” 

She follows me over, and lies down besides me. 

“I'll connect it to my speakers.” she reaches for the ipod on the window ledge, and she plugs it into a set of speakers by the bed. 

I cuddle up next to her as the first song plays. 

Man, I could get used to this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh isn't first love always so sweet?
> 
>  
> 
> Also turns out really greasy food is super helpful for a hangover? The scene with naomi feeding natsuki was based off a real thing that happened the last time i was shit faced lmao it helps 
> 
> I've spent the past 5 hours writing this it's 10 am hi everyone! 
> 
> Here's some headcanons about the girls in this story?? 
> 
> In this story Yuri is Japanese/Russian, Japanese on her mothers side tho russian is dear ol' dad
> 
> Natsuki's mother's name was Megumi 
> 
> Monika and sayori have been dating for almost 2 slutty slutty years 
> 
> MC will be in this story, but only near the end 
> 
> And that's about as much as I got right now but I'll be sure to add more when future chapters come out! 
> 
> Also uh, 
> 
> How's everyone doing tonight? :)


	10. Double dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and Yuri take their relationship to the next step, 
> 
> ...In a not so usual place.
> 
> (NSFW CHAPTER) 
> 
> (YES IT'S FINALLY HERE.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OWO what's this?? A new chapter for the first time in like over 2 weeks?? 
> 
> Yeah that's my bad I got on a decent sleeping schedule so whenever when I wasn't busy I was sleeping.... WELL ANYWAY I NEEDED BREAK WE'RE BACK NOW BOYS HI 
> 
>  
> 
> Wayyy 2 tired to proof read this so excuse any grammar mistakes or typos for now!

So uh, wanna hear a funny coincidence? 

Turns out Monika and Sayori’s anniversary is the same day as mines and Yuri’s 

Well it's the same date but just different timings, Where as today is their two year mark, it's only our one month mark.

It's honestly so crazy to me how time passed so quickly, it only seems like just yesterday we became official, and now a whole month has passed.

But it definitely was not a bad month by far. I mean sure yeah in the beginning i had my problems and doubts, but I'm wayyy over all of that now, really i am!

Yuri is honestly great and she's so caring too, like i don't think I've ever felt such a close bond with another person before.

Part of me still wonders if I rushed into things to fast with her, but after everything we've done together this past month, after all the late night drives, and the tea dates, and falling asleep while talking on the phone together, I'm more than sure I made the right choice.

Right now I'm pretty much at peace with life.

I'm currently leaning my head on Yuri’s shoulder while we sit in the back seat of Monika's  _ hideous _ lime green prius. Sayori is sitting passenger and Monika's driving.  _ (Obviously, duh. It’s her car.) _

I think we're going to some kinda ramen shop sayori found on yelp or something stupid like that, apparently it's, and i quote.  _ “The best ramen in the city! Possibly the world!”  _ Poor, sweet, gullible, Sayori.

I'm suddenly taken away from my train of thought by the previously mentioned girls… Yelling? Singing? I don't exactly know.

“I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU CRYYYY ON THE REAL YOU SHOULD'VE NEVER LIEEEED!” She turned the radio's volume higher.

“SHOULD'VE SAW THE WAY SHE LOOKED ME IN MY EYES-” The rapping.. Er, Yelling girl, leaned over to Monika. Who just had the biggest dorkiest smile on her face. “SHE SAID BABY I AM NOT AFRAID TO, DIE.”

Out of all the songs on the radio for Sayori to scream at the top of her lungs, did it really have to be this one?

“Push me to the edge, all my friends are- Hey!” The music was suddenly cut off by Yuri leaning over into the front and lowering the dial. “No more, please.” She spoke, Pleadingly.

Sayori turned the dial back up but just changed the station. “Awww mannn, Yuri! Why you gotta kill my vibe,” She tossed up what she might have assumed a “gang sign” was, but in actuality she just crossed her fingers. “Yo.”

“Ugh, thanks. That was giving me a serious headache.” I thankfully pat my girlfriend's arm.

“Yo, Yo, Y'all is sum’ major buzzkills fo’rizzles, Yo.” The girl in the passenger seat crossed her arms. “Why y'all killing my Lil pump vibes?” Sayori looked back at both of us, and then back to Monika, who suddenly spoke up. “It's Lil uzi, sweetheart. Not Lil pump.”

Sayori looked like she wanted to argue on that but just slouched down back in her seat. “Aight’.”

“Also, please stop talking like that, baby.” Monika placed her hand on top of Sayori’s leg.

“Ugh, sweetheart? Baby? I swear you too are way too lovey-dovey, it's gross.” I imitate a gagging motion.

Monika hummed for a moment. “Oh so you're telling me that you and Yuri don't have pet names for each other?”

“No way, that's so cheesy.” I lied.

“Then what do bees make?” Monika replies, smugly.

“Um, Honey?” I raise an eyebrow, confused by what this question had to do with anything.

“Yes, dear?” Yuri, who hadn't been really paying attention to the conversation suddenly spoke up. And that's when i realized Monika had lead me straight into a trap, with her evil, evil, ways.

“Check. And. Mate.” Monika had a smug little smirk on her lips, I wanted to punch her teeth in.

I replied by flicking her off, but the action went unnoticed as she was focused on parallel parking outside of the ramen shop.

We all step out of the car and Monika pulls out her keys. She pressed the lock and unlock button five times before finally locking it, we all look at her questioningly. “Ah,” she smiled, embarrassedly. “Just a bit of a bad habit i have, sorry.”

“I have way worst habits!” Sayori exclaimed, excitedly.

“That’s uh, not a thing to be excited about.” I mutter awkwardly.

Yuri held the door to the restaurant open for all of us. As I walk past her I finally get a moment to check her out.

N-Not in like a gross way but- I just didn't get a chance to really look at her outfit, and what an outfit it was. She was wearing a white cashmere sweater that hugged her figure nicely, along with a pair of black tight fitted jeans that made her ass look fantastic, and a pair of suede black boots that ended just above her knees, oh and a burberry scarf, her outfit looked like it costed more than my fucking house.

But man oh man, if looks can kill she would be an uzi.

Is that a song lyric? I'm not to sure to be honest, maybe i heard it on the radio once.

I turn back around for a second and whistle. “Wow, I just noticed how fucking hot you look right now.” I bite my bottom lip subtly.

The taller girls face visibly heats up and she turns her head down, suddenly the floor seemed very interesting. “You too.” She mumbled out, shyly.

Monika and Sayori walked past us, Giggling. I forgot they were here too, and I just said that in front of them, Kill me now.

We all decided to sit down at a booth in the back of the restaurant, Yuri and Monika on one side. And Me and Sayori on the other.

The restaurant itself was small, but it was nicely decorated, it looked more like a sushi place than a ramen shop. There was a line of blue booths and tables when you first walk in that lead all the way to the back of the restaurant, and a bar too if you wanted to sit there and watch them cook your meal.

We all pick up our menus, nothing really catches my eye. “Babe what are you getting?” I nudge Yuri's foot from under the table. “I was going to get just a traditional bowl of ramen.” She laughed a little. “Babe.”

“I'll get that too then.” I smiled softly, hehe, she called me babe. She usually calls me Darling or Princess. 

Yeah Princess is cheesy, but it's fucking cute when she says it so shut the fuck up.

“I want a miso one!” Sayori exclaims excitedly, “Monika let's be cute and get the same thing too!”

Monika sets the menu down. “I'm actually not that hungry, i had a big breakfast. I'll just get a iced green tea.”

Sayori looked  _ mortified. _

“B-But it's our two year anniversary you can't just not eat!” The strawberry blonde whined loudly.

“Oh trust me, there's something that I've been  _ dying  _ to eat since I woke up this morning.” Monika replied, here voice dripping with seduction.

Sayori looked confused, like even more confused than she was in math class. “But you said you had a big breakfast?”

“Yuck, not at the table guys.” I mock gagged. And Yuri just hid her mouth behind her scarf.

“O-Oh my,” Monika's eyes went wide with realization. “Sorry, heh, I keep forgetting the two of you are here, we haven't doubled before. So I'm used to talking like it's just the two of us.”

“Ohhh!!! You we're talking about sex!” Sayori yelled just a  _ little _ too loudly in the small establishment, earning us some unpleasant looks from the other patrons.

The waiter comes after a few minutes and takes down our orders

While waiting for our food we make idle chit-chat, But in the middle of talking i feel something touch my leg and slide up slowly. I look across from me and see Yuri smirking at me.

My face immediately heats up, Her foot keeps slowly sliding up and down caressing my leg.

“So Natsuki, You never told us how you and Yuri started dating.” Monika rests her hands under her chin, Expecting a story.

Yuri pulled out her phone, But her foot never stopped it's attack.

“Oh uhm, Well.” Her foot slid higher up my leg. “I just called her up and asked her.  Then we went on a breakfast date- Ah!” I quickly jumped as Yuri’s foot round it's way between my legs, I looked down to see the tip of her expensive looking boot pointing at me. “Ah, as in I j-just remembered another thing!”

“Which is?” Monika smiles sweetly.

My phone buzzes on the table and I pick it up, It's a text from Yuri. My heart pulses in my ears.

**_Yuri: Spread your legs more._ **

I put the phone down and look across at her, She still has that bored expression on her face.

Oh she is  _ so _ fucking evil.

But regardless, I spread my legs.

She grinds her foot into my center, I shudder.

“We-” I clear my throat. “We went back to her house after and uh listened to music.”

“My, that sounds quite nice.” Monika hums. The waiter sets our drinks down at the table.

The foot between my leg quickly disappears as Yuri gets up. “I'm going to wash my hands before the food comes, Natsuki would you care to accompany me?” Her voice is calm and smooth, as if she wasn't just tormenting me under the table. “Ahuh.” I get up and follow her.

The second we step foot in the bathroom she locks the door behind us. Yuri took the opportunity to grab me by the waist and push me against the wall

I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her down in a desperate kiss, our lips lock together a few times "You're so mean." I managed to say between kisses. She smiled against my lips before replying. “I know.”

My insides jolted at the feeling of her tongue slipping past my lips and entering my mouth. 

I slipped mine into her mouth and they wriggled against each other sloppily. The weight of Yuri’s knee pressing into my groin caused me to moan into her mouth. I pulled her tongue in between my lips so i can suck it and the little sob sound she made caused my stomach to flip (in a good way.)

Her hands found their way down to my ass, She got a tight grip as She pulled us as close together as possible.

I couldn't help but to grind myself down on that delicious thigh between my legs.

Our lips parted for a moment so we could breathe, I drew in a breath, taking in the  warm scent of her amber perfume as deeply as i could, It spread a satisfying warmth throughout my entire body.

Her lips suddenly found my neck, I turned my head to the side to give her better access.

As my neck was ravished by her kisses I guided her hands to my zipper. “Please…” I panted out.

Her eyes went wide for a moment. “Are you sure?” She asked, Her voice hesitant. “Just fuck me already.” I whispered into her ear, before I bit down on her ear lobe. Without needing to be told twice she pulled my jeans and pink panties down to my knees in one quick motion.

Her fingers slid through my folds a few times before they circled my entrance. My hips ground down on the waiting digits. I gasped at the feeling of being entered by her middle and ring finger. Yuri was starting to lose her own composure as she worked to curl her fingers inside of me to hit the spot that made my eyes roll back into my skull, I wrapped My arms around Yuri’s neck, Holding on for dear life.

“ _ Don'tStopDon'tStopDon'tStop- _ ” My breath hitched as her fingers worked faster, My legs shook as wetness started to drip down my thighs. I felt a knot start to form in my stomach.

“You're such a good girl, Natsuki.” She spoke sweet nothings in my ear, Her fingers never slowing their pace. “I love you, My good, good, girl.” Her palm rubbed against my clit and I whined into her shoulder.

I shut my eyes tightly and just tried to focus on my breathing, but all I could focus on was Yuri.

The lewd noises of her fingering me filled my ears, It was all starting to be too much.

The knot forming in my stomach grew tighter and tighter as my body started to shake.

Before i knew what was happening my body convulsed, and my back arched as I came against her fingers.

I buried my face into her sweater as she fucked me harder through my orgasm, And before I could even calm down, a second orgasm was already happening.

After a few minutes Yuri pulled her fingers out, and I leaned back against the wall panting for a few seconds. “Holy shit.” I wiped the sweat off my brow. “Yuri that was fucking insane.”

Before I could say anything else, Yuri licked her fingers clean before sliding them into her mouth. “You taste good.” She was quiet, but i can tell she was trying to calm herself down.

My head spun at the sight. “That’s like- so dirty, Y-You can't just do things like that!” I pulled my pants back up. My underwear felt disgusting, I think i should have cleaned myself off first. Yuck.

“Natsuki, You just let me take your virginity in a restaurant bathroom, and I'm the dirty one?” She applied soap to her hands from the dispenser before washing them.

Oh yeah that's right. 

This was my first time. 

And it was in a fucking bathroom. 

“W-Whatever, just come here and let me take care of you.” I pouted

Yuri laughed as she dried her hands on her jeans. “Another time, Darling.” As I was about to speak up she cut me off with a quick kiss and I tasted myself on her lips. “We can't keep the girls waiting too long, now can we?”

“Yeah.. I guess.” I mumbled out.

“Natsuki,” She pulled me into her embrace for a moment. “Thank you for letting me do that for you, I really love you. I'm happy we shared that, I can't wait till we can do more things like that.” She pressed her lips against the shell of my ear. “I want you to take mines as well, my body is yours, Natsuki. Everything i have is yours.”

Wow, that made me feel… Special.

Yuri really  _ does _ love me.

My heart feels like it wants to bounce right out of my chest.

“Okay you big sap, Let's not get too sentimental in a bathroom.” I pull away from the embrace but not before leaning up to peck her lips one last time. “Let's head back now.”

“Of course, My love.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what to put here so I'll promo my tumblr?? 
> 
> Https://Britt-Sama.Tumblr.Com
> 
> ALSO COMMENTS AND KUDOS ALWAYS APPRECIATED !!!!!


	11. Art is dead.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am an artist. 
> 
> Please god forgive me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> Self-harm.

I held the beautiful blade of my most prized possession between my thumb and finger. The flat of the pink butterfly knifes blade slid smoothly between my fingers as I ran them across it.  _ “Lovely.”  _ I thought to myself.

This is perfect, absolutely perfect. 

A precious gift from a precious person. 

The blade slides beautiful across my canvas, painting it all in red. 

My masterpiece. 

A beautiful piece of art work. 

Every stroke of my brush adds a new line. 

I exhale my breath. 

My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to come out of my throat.  

Line after line, brush stroke after brush stroke.  

My body is a canvas, My heart is her property. 

Each stroke of my brush is forever etching her name into my skin. 

A permanent reminder of who my soul belongs to. 

I chant her name like a prayer. 

My legs tremble.

My back arches. 

I feel my release approaching. 

The pink butterfly knife continues painting a masterpiece for her. 

I feel sick. 

I  _ am _ sick. 

Sickly in love. 

I am love sick.

She inspires me to indulge in my twisted painting. 

I am an artist and She is my muse. 

My love, My one true love. 

Maybe one day she will take an interest in my art, Maybe one day she will guide my paint brush. 

But that is only a fantasy, A dark and sinful fantasy. 

My release takes over as I imagine what she would do if she was here with me. 

How she would splash my blank canvas full of color and life. 

How she would smile as she admired our work. 

How I would praise her like the goddess she is. 

How she would look down at me full of disgust. 

For I am a monster. 

For I am hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a small chapter just to show that this story isn't completely dead yet. 
> 
> We still have a long way to go.


	12. Thought when I lost that will to live I could never feel again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are difficult to understand, and even harder to express.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S THIS?? A DOUBLE CHAPTER UPDATE IN ONE DAY?? 
> 
> Valentine's day is such a lovely day but since I can't be with my love today I'll just write some angst for these two :)

_ I started using again.  _

The song played softly on the car radio, The guitar picked up in a soft rhythm following the lyrics.

_ Left my heart in rocky hill hole burning in my head. _

I sway my head gently along to the sound, Yuri had an interesting taste in music, It was much more different than the soft instrumentals I liked.

But nonetheless, it still has its own charm.

They say you can really get to know someone by what songs they liked, And in a sense it was very true, based on all the songs she has shown me so far, I can tell she likes a lot of meaning behind them. Just like her poetry, She likes songs that make you  _ really _ have to think about the lyrics.

But in my case I like as little lyrics as possible.

I just like the feel of the music, You know what i mean?

Our taste in music is just as different as we are, Neither taste is bad, it's just different is all.

Like us.

I looked over to Yuri, she was sitting in the driver's seat of Her Lincoln, and I was sprawled out in the passenger seat, resting my legs which were crossed at the ankles, In Her lap.

This is just what we did on most days, We would sit parked somewhere. Usually we would park by the beach sometimes, It was still freezing out so no one was there to bother us, it was nice.

But today we were parked on a bridge, don't worry it's not like one of those big city bridges with hundreds of cars passing by, It's more like the kinda bridge you would go fishing off of. It was only a twenty minute drive out of town, It was like our own little private area, Our safe space.

I enjoyed it here, it was a little high up but not too high, maybe in the summertime we can come here and jump off the bridge and swim in the lake, that's a nice thought.

It makes me smile just thinking about it.

We would just sit in silence a lot when we hung out, but like a comfortable silence. We didn't need words, we were just satisfied being with each other.

_ Needed a distraction from my head,  _ _ Devil on my shoulder said try this instead,  _ _ So I started using again. _

The song continued playing, The lyrics stood out to me in a way that just rubbed me all wrong.

I grimaced, and I don't know if Yuri took notice or not, considering the fact that she had been staring at the wheel in silence for the past forty five minutes.

“Everything alright?” I nudged her with my sneaker.

She remained silent, I don't even know if she knew I was there.

“Yur’ if something's bugging you, You can talk to me.” I turned the radio down.

She only replied by turning it back up louder.

_ I started sleeping again,  _ _ Traded late nights and sheep for vicodin. _ _ The guilt burning in my chest set in,I _ _  started sleeping again.  _

"I like this song.” She sighed and lit up a bent cigarette. _  
_

She looked sad, like she'd done something wrong, something she was scared to tell me about.

Part of me wondered if she had committed murder, and by driving me out here I was now her accomplice and she was just trying to find a nice way to break it to me, I laughed off the silly thought. She stared at me in confusion.

“What's funny?” She asked between puffs of the cigarette, I reached over and nabbed it from her to take a couple drags of my own.

“You look pretty anxious, I'm just trying to figure out what's up.” I took one last long drag before handing it back to her. “Did you off someone?” I asked, jokingly.

Yuri frowned and looked away, Her expression and behavior was actually starting to  _ kinda _ worry me now.

“Holy shit, did you actually fucking kill someone? Cause that would make me an accomplice, and I wouldn't last a second in-”

I was quickly silenced by Yuri. “Do you believe there is an after life, Natsuki?”

Uh, that's kinda off topic but sure I'll go along with it. “Well i mean, yeah i guess so.” I scratched my chin. “I believe there is a good place and a bad place people go to when they die.”

She remained silent, pondering my answer for a few seconds. “Where do you think you will go?” She threw the not even half smoked cigarette out of the window.

“Uh.. I haven't really thought about it, I don't think I've done anything too bad to deserve to go to the bad place, but I haven't done anything that great either, maybe like a middle place? If that's even a thing.” I chuckled a little.

“I would go to the bad place.” Yuri spoke, bitterly.

“What makes you say that?” I asked, quizzically.

“I'm.. Not a good person, Natsuki.” Her tone was depressing to say the least, She just sounded so self deprecating that I wanted to like hold Her and like yell at Her  till she thought more highly of Herself. I was going to do just that actually, but she gently raised a hand to stop me.

“Natsuki,” She let out a long sigh. “You are everything that is good in this world, You are the  _ only _ thing that is in this world actually. And I am just the total opposite, I don't want to.. to corrupt you.”

“Corrupt me?” Is she serious right now? I would laugh but honestly She's being like pretty serious right now, and pretty serious for Yuri is  _ a lot _ . “You won't corrupt me, You dummy.”

“I've already taken your innocence, I don't want to take anything else from you. You are like.. An angel, and I am just the demon that is going to make you fall.” I noticed frustrated tears poking at the corner of her eyes, I frown.

“First of all, I gave you my  _ innocence.”  _ I mimed quotation marks with my fingers. “Second, I know if I  _ do _ fall you'll be there to catch me.” The corners of my lips tug upwards into a smirk.

“Don't.. Don't say things like that.. I'll be the one pushing you down in the first place.” She was so quiet, But not the shy or timid quiet she usually was, This quiet was full of anger and.. Fear. Like the kind of angry whispering you mutter under your breath after someone who you just had an argument with leaves the room.

“Then let's break up.” I spoke smugly.

Yuri immediately snapped up to lock the doors before shouting, “W-What- No!” Her eyes were wide were as her pupils were small.

“I'm kidding- I'm just kidding.” I raised my hands up apologetically, I don't think that was the best time for a joke, especially one like that.

I'm such an idiot why does she even like me?

Yuri sat back in her seat and exhaled sharply through her teeth. “Please don't joke around like that..”

I reached over and unbuckled the shaking girl's seatbelt so I can pull her over towards me. “I'm sorry.. That was kinda mean, but hey now at least I know how you would act if I tried too.” I held the taller girls head against my chest, although we were at an awkward angle it was still comforting at least. “Yuri I don't care that you do some bad things, you honestly have your reasons.. I don't think you're disgusting or a bad person, You just.. have your coping mechanisms.” I feel her wrap her arm around me. “I lov-... I really care about you, Yuri. so trust and believe me when I say you're honestly stuck with me now.” I kiss the top of her hair and smile. “Like a little monkey on your back.”

“D-Do you love me..?” Her voice shook just as her shoulders did, Yuri was  _ crying _ .

I pondered the thought for a few moments, Did I love her yet? I mean like I'm not still freaked out by her or something, but what even  _ is _ love? And how do I know if I truly am experiencing it with her?

“..I don't know.” I mumbled out, as if my mouth was suddenly filled with cotton.

Her shoulders shook as her pathetic sobs racked through her body. “I love you.. I-I know I do.”

“That's good..” I affectionately rubbed soothing circles on her back. “Do me a favor?” I speak as if i were talking to a scared child, Yuri was so fragile in this moment I feel she could probably break at any second.

“A-Anything-” She spoke between sobs. “I'll do anything for y-you.”

“Stop crying, please? I wanna look at you.” I took my arms off of her so she could sit back up. When she did I saw how puffy her eyes were and how tear stained her beautiful cheeks were as well. Yuri Wasn't an ugly crier, in fact it was the exact opposite. She looked so.. so  _ broken. _ But also so.. Realistic and Breathtaking, I would take a picture if it wasn't such a fucked up thing to do.

I wiped away her tears with the pad of my thumb. “You are the prettiest girl that I have ever seen.” I pull her forward into a soft kiss, I slowly mouth my lips against hers, they tasted salty from her tears, I  _ loved _ that flavor. She didn't reciprocate right away, it took a few kisses before she actually kissed me back, but when she did she started crying again and had to pull away.

But I won't allow that, I can't… I can't express my feelings the proper way, I can't tell her how much she means to mean with words.. I need to show her, I  _ need _ her to know.

I pull her by the back of her neck into the kiss, for once it's not a sloppy inexperienced gnashing of teeth, but it's warm like the outside of a mug holding hot cocoa, or tea in this case. It's like the best tea that you've ever tasted, It's rich and bitter, slightly sweet, but not so sweet to where it would over power the tea itself. it's sweet like fresh honey mixed with warm milk, all coming together to create the perfect cup of tea that just.. Touches your soul when you take that first heavenly sip.  

Oh gosh I'm starting to think like her, maybe I am falling, I'm falling for her.

She kissed me back with just as much feeling, neither of us caring as the tears started to pour from my eyes as well.

“Teach me how to love you-” I spoke in between kisses. “You deserve it- you deserve love Yuri.”

We separate our lips and just relying on holding onto each other. “I wanna love you.. I just don't know how to.” My voice was cracking just like hers had been moments ago.

“It's all I want to hear, please.” She buried her head into the crook of my neck. “Even if you don't actually mean it yet, I-... I just need to hear you say it.” She was so… Pathetic, I feel horrible to think of her this way, but she just makes it so hard not to pity her.

Or maybe that's just me,

I'm the pathetic one cause I have no fucking idea how to understand that love isn't actually the way it is in manga, It's much worse.

“I love you.” I lied.

“I love you too.” I could hear the sad smile in her voice, even if we both knew it was just pretend for now, it still made her happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering why I write the characters so OOC, I tend to use my feelings and view points when writing chapters like these. 
> 
> I've definitely changed the characters around a lot as I've written more and more chapters for this story and I think at this point Natsuki Is more so the one giving Yuri the push downloads and not vise versa. 
> 
> Natsuki in this story is.. Difficult to understand even for me, I based her off of the way I use to view relationships. 
> 
> Natsuki is scared, she's scared of love cause it's such an unfamiliar feeling to her, and based on her Tsundere personality in the actual game itself, I don't think her expressing her true feelings for someone would be easy for her. 
> 
> Yuri Is sort of the way I view relationships now. 
> 
> She is also scared of love, but she's only scared of how much she actually does love Natsuki, she doesn't care if Natsuki can't express herself properly, she's just so blinded by her devotion too Natsuki I think she's starting to dehumanize her because she views her as a goddess, or just holds her on a pedestal that is way too high for her. 
> 
> But regardless she's scared of hurting Natsuki, But in actuality I don't think Natsuki is all that scared of hurtting Yuri.
> 
> As always thank you for reading :)


	13. Don't google "Booby" only dumb birds pop up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neck kisses always lead to something more, 
> 
> Even if it's not something good. 
> 
> NSFW Chapter +TW: Depictions of self harm scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This story isn't dead I just have terrible writer's block I'm sorry!! This has been sitting half way finished in my notes for about 2 weeks now, so today I manned up and finished it ohhh boyyyy I'm terribly sorry for the lack of updates but don't sorry this story won't remain unfinished we're finally starting to get to the good parts!! N I wanna write em!!

Why did no one ever tell me that having another person's lips on your neck felt so lovely? It's hard to describe the feeling but it just feels so sensitive and sweet. 

It feels like every nerve in my small body is on fire and screaming as I feel the taller girl's lips, teeth and tongue aggressively attack My neck.

I exhale a shaky long held breath, that resembled more of a moan than anything else.  

I feel Her bite the skin of my neck between Her teeth and bottom lip, that was going to leave a mark.

Her hands trail up and down my body groping and scratching every viewable piece of skin.

She was treating Me as if I were a full course meal and she were a starving man.

Being touched felt amazing.

Having my body worshipped felt amazing.

Being touched by Yuri made me feel like a goddess.

And She was My faithful servant.

My devoted and doting, sweet addicted servant.

The way she slid and pressed her tongue onto My neck made me feel warm, oh so incredibly warm.

The way her hand caresses up and down my thigh, The way Her long manicured nails were lightly scratching my skin, The way she is so forceful on me- yet so gentle.  

“Your turn.” I push her off me and she adjusts herself on My bed, Yuri casually moves her long purple hair behind her shoulder, exposing her slender porcelain neck to me.

I situate myself onto her lap as we face each other, her eyes are so full of love.

So full of adoration.

She is Completely devoted to me,

And only me.

“Don't be gentle.” She pleads, and I indulge her.

My hand snakes up behind her neck and I grip a tight fistful of her beautiful hair, I roughly pull her head back, exposing more of that beautiful neck for me to sink my teeth into. She grunts, it's a gutteral and disgusting sound, but it drips like ichor off her lips.

“You are so pretty, Yuri.” I press my lips against her pulse on her neck, the beating is steady, steady and comforting. “Such a good girl, too.”

My own words embarrass me.

I don't care.

I roughly bite down into the exposed skin, she twitches beneath me.

Her breath hitches, so does mine.

We fall into a rhythm,

I bite, she inhales. I kiss, she sighs.

I run the tip of my tongue roughly all over the plain of her throat.

She shakes and I feel her tremble beneath me. “Is it that good?” I ask in-between licks.

“D-Don’t stop-” She wraps Her arms around me tightly, too tightly, it Hurts. “Please, Please..”

“My-” I flick my tongue against her now bruised skin once more. “My dad won't be home till tonight.”

She freezes for a moment “And?”

I exhale. “I want to fuck you before he gets back.” I say simply.

“Y-You are so vulgar..” Yuri stumbled out, Visibly flustered.

“So is that a no?” I bite down hard on her neck, She hissed loudly through her teeth. “N-Not at all, please do so.”

And with her consent given, I roughly push her to lay down on my bed.

“Don't worry about going slow with me,” She sighed out. “It's my first time.. With another person, but I don't want you to hold back for me, okay?”

I adjust my position on her lap so i can straddle her hips. I wrap my fingers around her throat, and I squeeze,  _ hard.  _ She gasps.

“I wasn't going to be gentle in the first place.”

Yuri let out a strangled breath, My finger's keeping her neck firmly in place. My other unoccupied hand moved slowly down her stomach only to stop at her waist so I could unbutton her Jeans.

“N-Natsuki-” She stuttered before I cut her off with a more firmly placed grip. “Be quiet, I don't want to hear you.”

Why did I say that?

Why am I treating her so roughly?

Why is She  _ enjoying _ it?

I quickly sit back up so I could pull her jeans and Panties off in one quick motion.

I gaze down at the almost naked woman lying on my bed, She pressed her thighs together awkwardly. “Spread.” I demanded.

And she did just that, even with a smile on her face.

I don't know why, but her smile, and honestly her whole demeanor made this lewd act that much more lewder.

My eyes lock onto her center, Pink petals dripping with lust, My knees nearly buckle at the sight. “You're soaked, did you get that excited from me choking you?” I run the tip of my finger through her folds.

Her only reply is a small embarrassed nod, I see she's taking the whole ‘keep quiet’ thing seriously.

“Does that mean you.. Oh I don't know.. Get off on pain, Maybe?” I press my thumb into her swollen clitoris.

She replies with another more frantic nod.

I frown at her enthusiasm. How could she possibly so excited about this, she doesn't look the least bit nervous at all. 

It's kind of unnerving.

“Take your sweater off for me.” I ask.

My word's make her visibly tense up. “I would prefer to leave it on..” She mumbles out quietly, Her once lust filled eyes now resembled that of a scared doe.

“Wha-.. Why? You already showed me between your legs,” I emphasize my words with a soft stroke of her clit with the pad of my thumb. “I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything, I'm just curious is all..”

Yuri ponders her thoughts for a moment, obviously weighing her options. I can tell she's not uncomfortable with exposing herself to me, if she was I wouldn't press the issue, but to me it seems more like she's.. Hiding something in that sweater of hers, What could it be? Could she be hiding a small cat? Maybe a family of cats? Could she be hiding the true identity of the zodiac killer in there? The corners of my lips turn upwards into an awkward smirk/almost smile at my silly thoughts.

But anyway, My curious nature will most likely be the death of me, but hey it's gotten me this far.

“Okay.” Yuri sat up stiffy, She reached to the bottom of her sweater and pulled it up over her chest, exposing her black bra, Which she also pulled up. “This is as far as I'm taking it off, okay?”

“Fine by me.” I mumble out, I'm not really paying attention to her words, as the sight in front of me currently has all of it.

Her tit’s were.. Something aright.

I had never seen another woman's bare chest before, I mean like maybe once or twice online while I was bored and just typed “boobies” into my google search bar, but then only these birds showed up? And I had to go on some freaky porn site that was littered with ads, I mean I still saw a titty that night but I'm still traumatized by the other 99% of that website.

Anyway I'm getting off topic.

Back to my weird sex inner monologue.

But holy shit the real things were  _ so _ amazing. They were full and soft looking, Her nipples sat on them like two perfect pink cherries, I wanted to sink my teeth into them.

I immediately reach my hand out and palm one of the soft mounds, I hate how excited this was making me, I felt like a teenage boy seeing a booby for the first time- err.. Wait, scratch that I'm just a teenage girl seeing a booby for the first time. Metaphor wasted.

“Touch them as much as you'd like, my body is yours.” Yuri grabbed my other hand to place it on her other breast.

I don't even think I can form a proper sentence anymore, I'm just so like mesmerized by her body, It’s like I'm in a trance or something and her body is the world's greatest hypnotist.

“Could you.. Use your mouth?” Her voice is pleading and soft, but laced with lust, and that other thing I still can't quite put my finger on, maybe one day I'll get it.

But regardless I comply, I lean over and wrap my lips around one of her perky nipples and she quivers.

I scrape my teeth against the sensitive nub and she  _ whines _ so loudly I thought I might have broken my windows.

We remain like this for a while, not sure exactly how much time had passed, for all I know it could have been hours, or days or weeks even.

Time had frozen between us.

My mouth casually switching from one breast to the other, and so on.

“Please.. Take me.” Yuri begged.

I compiled and laid her back down, without waiting any longer I sink two fingers into her entrance.

She moans and I feel her pull my finger in deeper.

I slide the digits in and out of her in a ‘come hither’ motion, My thumb reaching up to rub her clit.

I take a chance and look away from working on her center so I could look at her face, Her eyes were rolled back. And even though she had her bottom lip pulled tightly between her teeth, She had a sickening smile plastered onto her face.

She looked like she was experiencing total euphoria.

She also looked totally crazed in lust, or love, whatever it was.

I can't help but to lean over and capture her lips between my own, engaging us in a lust filled lip-lock.

I don't understand what Yuri means when she says kissing me feels so amazing, because kissing someone you love is amazing, and I am someone who she loves.

I don't get that at all, But I do know one thing. 

Kissing and fucking someone as beautiful as Yuri feel's really fucking rad.

Okay okay call me scummy all you want, but she loves me so it's totally okay.

Right?

“C-Choke me!” She yelled out.

I wrap my other hand around her neck, and squeeze hard, She let's out a strangled gasp, I silence her by shoving my tongue into her mouth, she gags around it and I pull away.

I look down at her, she looked so focused on me, Her face was so flushed, And her pupils were so dilated there were practically hearts in them.

“Open your mouth.” I demanded.

She did as she was told and opened it, Her tongue casually lolled out.

I spit into her mouth and she happily takes it and opens her mouth again as if expecting more.

I feel vile burn the back of my throat, have I done this before?

She's sick.

I'm sick.

I hate deja vu.

I hate this feeling, I feel like I'm forgetting something- or I've forgotten something already.

And it disgusts me.

Not having control over my own memories.

Is this a new thing that's happening to me, or have I felt this way before? Many times in fact?

I feel like I'm going to vomit.

“Natsu- Natsuki, I'm going to!-” Yuri  _ convulses  _ beneath me, I feel her wet heat gripping my fingers tightly.

She's disgusting in the way she shakes.

And in The way she moans my name like a prayer, like I am her god.

Wow, she is amazing.

An angel among humans.

A sinner amongst saints.

A whore amongst virgins.

My Yuri, mine, and mine alone.

No one else's, just mine.

The girl beneath me writhes as her orgasm beautifully passes between us, like high tide on a low posted dock.

In the moment I can't help my urges, and neither can she.

She helps me get the sweater off over her head.

Exposing her arms.

I freeze and so does she.

She doesn't even try to hide them it's too late, I've already seen them clear as day.

The secret is out.

Another bad habit exposed.

Lines, red ugly lines.

Gashes and scrapes, some old and discolored, some new and  _ still _ bleeding.

Scars, both of her arms were covered.

She looks up at me in fear.

I return her look.

“What the fuck?”

The voice isn't mine or yuri's

We both turn towards the now open doorway of my room.

“D-Dad, you're home early.” I gulped.

I am so  _ fucked. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if there were any typos I'm way 2 tired to proof read and I don't have a proof reader o well 
> 
> I honestly had this chapter finished for a while but I hated it so much I refused to put it out butttt my writer's block has been eating me alive lately and even if I wanted to rewrite it I have no idea how to BUT ANYWAY THIS CHAPTER DOES COME IN HANDY BECAUSE I HAVE A BRIDGE TO WRITE ON NOW OH JOYYYY 
> 
> ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR READING COMMENTS N KUDOS R ALWAYS MUCH APPRECIATED! -Britt


	14. My love (Is a life taker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we are in the part of the story where chapters are named after song lyrics.
> 
> TW: Graphic violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to have this chapter be longer but I decided to split it into two chapters mainly because I couldn't finish it whoops

"No seriously, what the fuck is this shit?” The man standing in my doorway- No, my papa, was shaking in anger. I don't think I've ever seen him so confused and frustrated in his entire life, and I've seen him  _ pretty _ frustrated, trust me on that.

“Yuri go downstairs.” I quickly whisper to the girl who was still naked beneath me.

“But natsuki i-” she hesitantly replies, her voice just as racked with nerves as mine was.

“Wait for me downstairs,  _ now. _ ” I leave no room for any sort of argument with my words. The naked girl gathers what clothes of hers she could quickly grab and awkwardly ran out the door, past my papa.

The tension in the room is so thick, if I wanted I could probably cut through it with one of Yuri’s knives.

I'm grateful I had left my clothing on, I think if I was as nude as she was I would.. Probably die right now.

“I leave, for three fucking hours, and You.. You you bring over some fucking whore?” His words were slurred as he spoke, and my room now reeked like cheap booze.

He's drunk, great.

I continue to be the luckiest girl on the face of the planet.

Oddly enough, I'm not scared.

I feel..  _ Energized. _

Like a syringe full of adrenaline had been injected into my veins.

“She's not some whore, she has a name you know.” I speak my words clearly, confidence and agitation laced my words, nothing like the scared stutters they once were when I spoke to this monster. I sat up from my small mattress, fully facing the over six foot tall man standing before me.

I guess I lucked out again and got my mother's height.

Universe 703 - Natsuki 0

“I don't give a fuck about your whore, since when were you a filthy  _ dyke _ .” He emphasized the last word by tugging me up off the ground by the collar of my shirt, the fabric straining against my weight.

“I wouldn't call myself a  _ dyke,  _ but I'm somewhere around there I guess.” In a move i wouldn’t have ever thought of doing before. I spit straight onto the man's face. he winces in disgust and throws me against the wall with brute strength.

The back of my skull collides with the wall, I lose my vision for a few moments, but my sight comes back just in time to see the tall man stand over me, and notice a dark figure linger in the doorway.

“I'm fine!” I yell into the floor, the figure steps into the room.

But I don't have anytime to prepare for the heavy boot being slammed into my stomach. 

I lean over and empty the contents of my stomach onto the carpet of my room, the bile burns the back of my throat. “D-Don't, I'm fine!” I yell once more, my voice cracks.

“What the fuck. are you an idiot or something, why do you keep saying nonsense?” He swings his leg back only to bring it into my hip.

Kick after kick.

Insult after insult.

It's all numb to me.

I can't help but laugh.

“Y-You’re.. A fucking asshole.” I look up at the man I once called a father, a long long time ago.

I curl my lips into a twisted smile.

Pain is such a precious feeling to me, after suffering through such a thing for more than half of my life, it's.. Recently become a personal favorite of mine, especially now that I can give it back to others.

I shut my eyes tightly as he presses his foot down on my skull, “You're a little bastard, it should have been you instead of your mother..” He grinds the sole of his shoe into the side of my head.

“Daddy?” I say in the sweetest voice I could muster up, despite the fact that it was dripping with venom.

“What, You waste of life?” He spat out.

“When you see mommy in hell, tell her I said hi.” I open my eyes, from what little I can see under his foot, I can clearly see the legs of the other person in the room, standing right behind him.

“What-” He yelled out,

“Now- Do it now.” I smile, a sickeningly wide smile.

I've waited so long for this.

“Of course, I’d do anything for you!” The third person in the room finally spoke up, their voice bright and full of absolute love.

The man who had made the last eleven years of my life a living hell barely had time to react to the voice, before having his throat sliced from behind.

By a beautiful pink butterfly knife.

The man clutched at his bleeding throat, he was in shock as he stumbled back and fell to the floor.

Yuri walked over to help me stand up, I nodded thankfully as I gripped onto her arm for support.

We both stood there, staring down at the pitiful man, gasping and choking on the floor as blood spilled from his wound and onto my nice carpet, staining the white plush into a sick deep crimson.

“He's taking a long time to die.” i kick lightly at his leg, which was twitching madly.

“Do you want me to finish him off?” Yuri spoke, holding the blood stained butterfly knife up.

“Make it quick, his noises are making me nauseous.” I let go of the grip I had on her arm, and instead support myself on my desk. 

Yuri got down and straddled the mans lap, it was oddly seductive, i thought.

She brought her arm up high, the blade dripped rubies from its previous slash, before she brought the knife down hard into his chest.

“More.” I demanded.

And more she supplied. 

Stab after stab was brought down into his chest like the wrath of a goddess, he couldn't even scream anymore due to the large slash in his throat, causing him to choke and sputter on his own filthy pig blood.

Yuri looked over to me, a huge grin plastered on her blood covered face, she looked as if to ask, “Did I do a good job?”

The man was now obviously dead, i mean anyone would be after being stabbed like fifty times, but my thirst for revenge wasn't quenched yet.

I limped over to Yuri and the corpse. “More, please.” I asked before spitting on the dead mans face.

I know he's dead and can't feel anything anymore, nor will he ever again.

But this is just more of a.. Closure thing I guess.

Yuri smiled lovingly at me. “Of course.”

I don't know how long we sat there for, but I do know the body was a mangled mess by the time I told Yuri to stop.

I sat down and placed my hand onto my girlfriend's shoulder. “You did a very good job, I love you, Yuri.” I whispered the last part of my sentence into her ear, and her eyes lit up with with a fire I've never seen before.”R-Really?” She spoke, her voice trembled.

“Really.” I lied once again, but she deserved to hear it at least, she did just commit murder for me.

It's the least I could do honestly.

“I've..waited a long time to hear that,” she got up from her sitting position on top of the corpse. “I love you too.. But you already knew that I guess. but anyway, we need to dispose of the body.”

I held my hand out to her and she grabbed it, helping me to my feet. I got a good look at Yuri, she was covered in blood from nearly head to toe, and she even has some splattered onto her cheeks chin.

It's a nice look on her.

I can't help but to press our lips together for a few moments.

Her lips taste like copper and they're warm.

I melt a little.

After we pull away we look down at the man who used to be my father.

“I'll wrap him in your bed sheet, you get the bleach and whatever other cleaning supply you can find, also duct tape.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took such a long time to come out I'm terribly sorry!! But can you believe I've been writing this since December? That's so werid too me I've never worked on a story for so long buy it's honestly helped me work on my writing despite how mediocre it still is 
> 
> But regardless thank you for reading this kudos and comments always make my day and I love getting feedback also if you guys have any suggestions for chapters or anything you would wanna see in this fanfic please feel free to let me know! Oh also! I do frequently use tumble so if any of you want ti leave me any prompts for another fanfic my ask box is always open!! :)) As always thanks for reading have a great day!! -Britt


	15. All my trouble's on a burning pile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to throw away the past and make a future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new update it's kinda short but now were in the home stretch of the story. 
> 
> ALSO before you read please take a moment to look at some art listless drew based off of the last chapter, it's honesty my favorite thing and all of their art is so amazing jksksksjsk 
> 
> http://listlessdraws.tumblr.com/post/172076277234/did-i-do-a-good-job-yuri

We spent the next few hours cleaning up my room for any traces of murder, by scrubbing the carpet and walls with bleach. It’s kinda sad to think that this is the cleanest my room has been in a long time. 

I'm thankful it was around two in the morning so the streets were pretty empty, you know so no one could see us dragging a body sized mess of a blood stained sheet wrapped in duct type into the trunk of Yuri’s black lincoln town car.

There was no words spoken between us on the drive, But to avoid the thick tension I turned the radio on, to the early 90’s radio station. But the upbeat love songs couldn't hide the sense of committing a horrible crime.

I didn't know where we were going, nor did I ask. But after a thirty minute drive we pulled up to a bridge,  _ our  _ bridge.

We spent so much time here listening to music and just being with each other, it was our safe space.

I helped her drag the body out of the trunk, it was heavy and we had a little bit of a struggle, I may or may not have let the side I was holding slip from my grip and smack against the concrete pavement.

“Uh oh, Butter fingers.”  The taller girl chuckled.

Only Yuri would use this moment to crack one of her rare jokes, she really is something else.

Eventually we did manage to get the body hoisted onto the railing.

On the count of a 1, 2 and 3 we tossed the body over the railings. 

And we watch the bloody mess of bed sheets and duct tape sink into the moonlit lake.

It was oddly poetic.

What a shame.

I guess swimming here in the summer is out of the question now, unless Yuri would be down to dive into a lake with a decaying body at the bottom of it with me.

“Are you gonna toss the knife too?” I ask her.

She shakes her head, “Nothing in this world could ever make me part with it.”

I don't say anything after that, even if it is a murder weapon that could get us arrested, I know she would never get of that pink butterfly knife.

My father is dead.  

I think the realization is still setting in, but even after every second that passes i still don't feel any sort of remorse.

But that's better I suppose.

I don't need to feel guilt for this.

I wasn't the one who killed this monster.

But he deserved it.

His lifeless body didn't make the pain he's caused me to go away, this is my curse.

To be forever haunted by the memory of a man i once knew.

This fucking sucks.

“Take me home, Yuri.”

She hesitates, and stays quiet.  

“What? Why are you giving me that look.”

“Do you really want to go back to that house?” She spoke softly, as she played with the end's of her hair.

It's nervous reaction she's always had.

Cute.

Wait.

I can't go home now, I can't live in an empty house and sleep in a room someone died in, that would be awful.

“Oh.”

She walked over to me, and rested her hand on top of my head. “You know, you can always live with me,” She smiled warmly, her face illuminated by the dim bridge lights. “Let me take care of you.”

The sudden tightness pressing on my chest was too heavy, and before I knew it tears flowed freely before i could even think about stopping them. I embraced her, and she was warm, so fucking warm. I allowed myself to finally sob, all this emotion I had no idea I was building up came out in a storm i was not prepared for.

She loves me so much.

And she really wants me to know it.

That's all I want.

That’s all I've ever fucking wanted.

Love.

“Okay.” I bury my face into her shoulder and her arms wrap around me.

“Let's go home, Natsuki.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This story has a few chapters left to go before the ending! Sad right? I've been writing this since december, it's like my child I'm so sad to see it and soon. But based on how often I update we still got a while before it's over. BUT anyway I just wanna say thank you all so much for reading it up until this point we have 400+ kudo's!! I never thought anything I could ever write would be this well received, But anyway thank you for following Smoke break up until this point. 
> 
> These girls adventures aren't over yet.


	16. You put your cigarette out on my face.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes through many changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry about the wait! 
> 
> I've honestly been working on this update for like the whole month but I couldn't sit down and write it in one go so I wrote it in bits and pieces lmao.

_ “I'm very torn up about my father's disappearance, Officer.”  _

_ “Last i heard from him he was going to the bar, he's there most of the time.” _

_ “He's gone for days usually, but he’s never been this long before.” _

_ “No I don't know of anyone who would want to hurt my papa.” _

_ “Please, find him. I miss my papa.” _

Three weeks, four days and now four nights, since the incident occurred. Of course no one would ever know that, we didn't report him as missing till a week after we mur- ...got rid of him.

Is it bad I still feel that sense of emptiness?

I figured after taking care of my main problem, life would return my happiness to me. But unfortunately I couldn't have that, he's taken many things from me, and even in his death he took my emotions.

Don't pity me, I do that enough myself.

Life is different now, I wouldn't say it's great, but it's honestly just a big disappointment.

Have you ever wanted something so badly, and waited so long for it, only to finally have it and you don't feel how you thought you would? That's what true disappointment is.

I have a “family” now.

Yuri and Naomi.

Yuri treats me like I am her wife, and I suppose technically in some strange way we are married now.

I treat her like.. I always have. Even if she doe's buy me clothing and gifts more frequently than before. I wonder where she gets all of this money from? I've never seen her ask her mother for any once since I've been here.

Naomi treats me like her second daughter.

I treat her like a mother.

Yep, I sure am living the good life.

Three good meals a day, A mother, and not having to live in fear of leaving my room.

Actually it’s  _ our _ room now.

But it's boring, everyday is the same.

We wake up, shower, have breakfast, watch tv downstairs, I help my new mom cook dinner sometimes, and then Yuri and I retire to our room for the night to have disgusting sex, sleep, and repeat.

It's boring, I think I've just come to realize that  _ life _ is just boring and there's nothing to do about it.

There's not really a point in doing anything, I mean think about it life truly is pointless and dreadful, we exist and then we die.

I think I've become to.. Nihilistic. I read one if Yuri’s novels on the (new, not broken.) Bookshelf in our room, some paragraphs stuck with me i guess, my vocabulary had started to mirror hers and I don't  _ really _ mind it, but I just think the me from three months ago would wanna spit on me now.

One thing i’ve also come to notice is how odd these people are.. They don't sleep, like Yuri stood up all night just reading, with the lamp on I might add. I got very little sleep that night as a result and thus decided, if you can't beat em, join em.

My sleeping hours are also totally fucked now.

I realized Yuri’s sleeping schedule is the exact opposite of Naomi’s, i would assume that's to avoid each other. It's kinda sad really, I mean I get that they have a pretty fucked up relationship, and like the last few times they have been up at the same time they had had screaming matches with each other over trivial things.

It's just sad to see a mother and daughter fight like that.

I don't blame either of them though, if they're going to practically kill each other every other day maybe it's better that they don't see each other that often.

Which is exactly why Yuri is out running errands.

And I'm home alone.

With my new mom.

We're sitting on the large comfy couch in the living room, watching TV.

Just the two of us.

“Why didn't you go with, Yuri. today, Natsuki?” The older woman spoke, her voice was laced heavily by her japanese accent, and it's smooth tone made a chill run down my spine and a slight heat rise onto my cheeks.

“I was sleeping when she left, I guess she didn't wanna wake me.” I replied nonchalantly, before taking a large bite of my cereal.

Rice krispies are great, even though get get soggy way too fast, but those  _ first  _ couple bites are the  _ best.  _ And you can't argue with me on that.

“Ah, alright then.”

Truth be told I'm more than sure Naomi knows we off’d my old man.

_ “So, Her father just.. Left.” _

_ “Yes.. Mother. Could she stay with us until he gets back?” _

_ The woman looked us over before sighing, “We all know he won't be back.” Naomi had calmly taken a sip from her wine glass. “If the police ask, I'll just say you two have been here since yesterday, alright?” _

Okay so maybe I'm not more than sure, I'm  _ positive  _ she knows.

She hasn't mentioned anything of it since then, mostly because I'm pretty sure we all just want to forget about it.

But I won't ever forget.

These ones and zeros have been annoying me a lot lately.

It seems no matter where I go this heavy code ligers behind me, like a warm uncomfortable breath on the back of my neck.

It's unsettling.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who could see them.

At first they would only appear In corners of a room or above my head, but they've gotten sloppy and now linger everywhere, on walls, on the tv, and even in my cereal bowl.

I hate them.

I can't be myself around the one's and zeroes.

They know too much of my secrets, and I don't know theirs.

It's unfair.

I don't question them anymore though, They've always been here.

In the background and unnoticeable.

I assume my mental state hasn’t been the most uh, stable.

They're probably just my imagination.

The consciousness of a crazy girl playing games with her.

I continue to mindlessly munch onto my breakfast, My new mommy was sitting next to me on the couch. We were watching some episode of forensic files, I was never one for crime shows or murder mysteries,but Mommy liked it so i watched them with her.

Everything was fine until I felt a cold hand rest itself on my thigh.

I don't move. I slowly look down to the hand before following it all the way up with my eyes to My mama. She was smiling a little as she kept her eyes nonchalantly glued to the TV.

I continued eating my cereal.

“Are you alright, Daughter? You seem a little tense.” The woman next to me affectionately rubbed her thumb against my thigh as she spoke.

“I'm alright.” Don't look at her.

Don't face her.

Eat cereal and watch TV.

One’s and zeroes.

Why am I so nervous?

“You know Natsuki. You are my daughter now, you don't need to sit so far away, come here, My darling.” She held her arms out and I sighed in relief.

I feel wrong for doing this, I feel like a kid trying to sneak my hand inside the cookie jar without getting caught.

But the reward is so worth it.

I quickly drink the last of the milk inside my cereal bowl so I could set it down on the coffee table.

After adjusting my position on the couch a little bit, My loving mother pulls me into her warm embrace.

It feels like home. It feels like a part of me I didn't know I was missing.

Gosh, I'm such a fucking horrible person.

I don't deserve love, especially not love from a mother.

But I'm selfish, I want to deserve it.

I  _ want _ it.

And I  _ need _ it.

“Mommy..”

She presses her lips to my neck and I freeze for a moment. This is such an odd feeling but I can't help it, I lean into her touch.

I struggled to hold back the tears poking at the corners of my eyes, but her voice comforts me.

“Let go, My darling.”

I submit, and the tears flow freely down my cheeks.

A mother's love is such a wonderful thing.

She shows me her love with her lips, teeth, and tongue. And I sob because I enjoy it, I sob because I am disgusting.

A hand as cold as a corpses touch trails under my shirt.

A car door shuts outside.

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth to suppress a moan.

My mommy's lips press all over the surface of my neck.

The front door opens.

She softly bites my neck just as the sharp manicured nails of her cold hand scrapes against my nipple, I gasp.

“N-Natsuki!?” The sudden voice surprises both me, and my mommy.

Yuri is standing in the doorway.

Oh no.

“Yuri, I-I can….can’t, explain.” I push myself away from the woman, who now has a very prominent smirk curled onto her lips.

My stomach drops, they're gonna argue.

They're gonna fight.

They're gonna kill each other.

“Good, because I… I didn’t want to hear it.”

When Yuri spoke she wasn't angry, or frustrated in any sort of way.

She was sad, She sounded defeated.

I felt bad.

I'm disgusting.

Ones and zeros ones and zeros

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading once again.
> 
> One more chapter to go. 
> 
> http://britt-sama.tumblr.com


	17. And in the end (We begin again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fresh start for everyone. 
> 
> This chapter is from Yuri's P.O.V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this is the longest an update has taken to be uploaded, but this is the last one so thank you for waiting.

The silence in the room was unbearably loud. 

If I had a heart i could probably feel it beating inside my ears, but I don't.

For i am a monster, I was never even human to begin with.

I was never blessed with a real body capable of feeling actual pain, I never had a real body of flesh and blood that was just full of organs and bones.

“Life” is cruel, so very cruel.

Natsuki hasn't said anything to me since we locked ourselves in our bedroom.

Ha,  _ our _ bedroom.

It was almost too good to be true.

I sigh before opening my mouth to speak, it’s about time i rip this metaphorical band-aid off. “I think it's about time i explain things to you.”

Natsuki finally looked at me, she was sitting so.. Sadly on the back of our bed, refusing to join me at the foot of it. She spoke. “I fucked up here I know. If you're gonna kick me out don't make it a big story, I'll start packing now.” My love was full of remorse and bitter anger, whether it be at me, or at herself I wasn't sure.

But regardless it was an ugly look that should never be on her beautiful face. “I'm not kicking you out, that's not even the last thing I would ever do, just.. Sit down. Let me speak to you, please.”

Natsuki sat back to listen. Her slim arms wrapped around her knees in an attempt to hide her face away from me, but her baby pink eyes still looked straight through me. She was silent, obviously waiting for me to speak. But now I was the nervous one, I have been anxious since day one, this moment has been stabbing the back of my mind since this all began.

But it's time i face my fears, and not drag her down with me.

“None of this is real.” Despite not having real lungs, I can feel my breathing quicken.

“What do you mean? Are you high or something, cause I know we haven't talked about all the stuff I saw in your drawer-” She began speaking before i cut her off.

“No! ...No no, I'm not high, and those weren't even narcotics-” I took a deep breath before speaking again. “This world we live in.. Isn't real, Natsuki. This… Is all just a video game.”

I have let the bird out of the cage, and she finally knows the horrible truth of our reality.

I feel so disgusting to be the one to shatter her world like this.

The silence was growing loud once more before sharp laughter cut through it. “Hahahah! M-Man, Yuri. You must be  _ really _ fucking high, holy shit how much blow did you do?”  

“Natsuki, that was not cocaine, or any kind of narcotic, it was potassium cyanide. I was going to put it in Naomi's coffee.” I play idly with the ends of a strand of my hair, an awful nervous habit I've had for a while, I'm more than sure it's just in my programing, which is unfortunate.

“Oh.. But you've had those since december?”

“I've been planning her death since last august.”

The girl sitting across from me just smiled bitterly. “You've always been a little off your rocker, Yur’ haven't you?”

I scoot over to her side of the bed, leaning my head on top of hers. “It's just in my programing, it's in yours too.”

She wraps her arms around one of mine.

As we sit in this awful room of ones and zeros, I realize how much of a monster i truly am, i couldn't just leave her be and let her be happy, I was selfish.

I tainted the one good thing in this twisted file.

I wrapped my sticky blood stained fingers around her like the strings of a puppet.

And I played her right into my scar covered arms.

 

Which she doesn't even remember, because I wiped away that split second memory. 

“Do you see them, the ones and zeros?” I press my lips against the crown of her head.

That will probably be the last time I get to do that. 

If I had a real heart it would be breaking.

I feel her freeze.

She looks around the code covered room, and then to me. “You see them too.” Her words came out as more of a statement than a question.

Poor girl, who knows how long she's seen the mistakes I've left behind?

I nod. “It's my fault they're here.”

“How.” Her voice resembles that of scared child being read  _ The shining. _ before bed.

“I was slightly better at coding than Monika. But I still wasn't able to fully clean up the loose ends, so the more I did, the sloppier it got.”

Natsuki reaches out to touch the jumble of codes scattering across the blanket. “What.. What does Monika have to do with any of this.”

I wipe away a zero crawling on top of her hand before intertwining our fingers together. 

“Of course you don't remember that. It's impossible for you to remember what Monika did to all of us before the reset, but I remember, and Sayori does too.”  

The code slowly makes it's way more and more onto the mattress.

“Reset..? None of this makes sense, Yuri. Why would You and Sayori remember something like that, but Me and Monika don't. We are… Human right?” Natsuki was beginning to tremble.

It's just like ripping a band-aid off, Yuri.

Once it's done, it's done.

You can't live in a fake a heaven forever if it's only going to turn into a fake hell.

“Not really, no. Technically we're nothing more than character model's and code. This is all just a video game that… People in the real world play. They made us suffer over and over again for their entertainment,” I brought her palm up to the side of my cheek, I need to enjoy these last few moment's. “I was tired of suffering, and so was Sayori. So we changed the code around.”

“Did… Did you change my code.” She questioned 

I don't think Natsuki was herself anymore, her codes been so mixed up lately she was bound to crash soon.

And i don't think becoming self aware is helping.

But that's okay, it'll all be over soon.

“Yes.” I pressed my lips against her palm.

My angel.

“What did you do to me?” Her eyes locked onto my own, they were wide and unsure.

Fear is not a good look on my baby.

I leaned over to press my lips against hers, they tasted like copper, everything tastes bitter and disgusting when you realized none of it is real and you don't even have taste buds.

But I still think she tastes amazing, like a bag full of sugar covered cherries.

“I made you fall in love with me.”

The band-aid is ripped off, and so is the skin it was attached to.

My love pulls away from me and nearly falls off the bed in a fit of panic.

I stand up, and calmly make my way towards her.

I felt in another life that I was prey, and everyone else was a predator. But this is probably one of the millions of lives I have lived now, and even though I tried to hold onto who I once was.

I am the predator, and I despise it.

“Stay away from me!” She grabs a bottle of perfume off of the drawer and throws it into my shoulder, I wince, despite not even being able to feel pain anymore.

I attempt to reach out to her and she slaps my hand away. “Darling this life is better than any other we've lived through so far.” I smooth my  thumb over the back of my hand. 

“You… You manipulated me. Everytime I had a second thought, you were right there the whole time, Fucking with my brain!”

This was it, the exact thing I've been dreading, why can't she understand I did this for us? Why can't she understand i love her? And that she loves me? “It had to be done, if I didn't you were just gonna be forced to fall in love with that idiot! He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't love you like I do!” I tried not to let my voice shake as I spoke, but my nerves are starting to get the best of me, despite my best efforts.

I can't lose her to him again.

I can't let her die again.

I can't let her be sad again.

I can't let her be anything else but  _ mine _ .

Natsuki had backed herself up against the drawer, trying to distance herself from me.

Honestly it hurt.

She was becoming frantic. “Yuri… You're a fucking psychopath, Y-You- You can't just fuck around like that!”

In a moment of weakness I broke the distance between us, I grabbed her wrists and pressed them down against the drawer. “You're hurting me-” Before Natsuki could finish her sentence I cut her off with my tongue, shoving it as deep into her mouth as it could go. A disgustingly sloppy one sided kiss, that was cut much shorter than I intended, as a warm coppery liquid and a sharp yet dull feeling which would have been pain struck my tongue.

I pull away as a groan escapes my lips.

Blood dribbled down my chin as I spoke. “You bit my tongue.” I wiped my palm against my lips, a sticky red trail was now painted onto it.

“Do that one more time and I'll fucking bite it off.” My love wiped away at her own lips, where my blood was displayed onto them.

My blood in Natsuki’s mouth…

I'm starting to get wet at that lovely sight.

My lips spread into a thin smirk and the girl across from me visibly shudders. “You shouldn't tempt me with such a lovely invitation..” 

“You're sick.” Natsuki spatback.

“We both are.” I replied, sitting back against the mattress.

“I..” Natsuki began, only to inhale a deep breath and refuse to continue speaking. “What is on your mind?” I question. It's difficult for her to bring the words in her mind to her lip’s “M-My.. Mother, was she even real?” Her question brought a bitter feeling to my core. “I made her up.” I responded.

“My mommy.. Never existed. Why would you make me remember a happy childhood only to give me a shit life?” I notice her open a drawer in my peripheral vision.

I remain silent, now unable to speak my own words

“Please answer me.” Her voice was  _ pleading _ to me, I felt like scum.

“I wanted you to have something to run away from.” Do you ever speak, but as the words begin to exit your mouth you instantly wish to take them back?

“So I could run straight into your arms, Away from my father?” as my lover spoke a bitter emptiness laced her tone, it made me sad to think I could have evoked such hatred into my darling.

“Essentially, yes. But I it for us! Can't you see how much I love yo-” I'm cut off by a sharp piece of something slicing into my neck.

_ The fucking pink butterfly knife. _

I wrap my fingers around my throat as the blood poured out like an overflowing sink.

“Yuri.. Thanks for doing that, really.” I look up and see her tapping the tip of the knife with her index finger. “Maybe with you dead, I could finally love you.” She swung her leg into my side and I fell to the ground, watching the crimson of my blood stain the floor.

It's beautiful, it's so fucking beautiful.

It's everything i had ever hoped for, she’s opened my skin and has freed my blood and has painted my skin a beautiful red, she has guided my paintbrush.

It feels so amazing.. so  _ euphoric. _

As I gaze up to meet her face she's smiling, I smile right back. “I love you.” At least my last words to her will be something meaningful.

“I'm sure you do, Yuri. I'm sure you do.” Natsuki brought the pink knife up to her own throat and sliced across, it resembled a smile. She collapsed beside me, her blood beginning to pool together with mine. it was oddly poetic.

Her eyes shut, and so did mine.

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I sit up and bring my fingers to press against my wound i can feel the bleeding has mostly stopped, now it only pulses with small spurts of the red liquid.

Natsuki is dead and technically so am i.

But my time in this file isn't over just yet.

I move My lover onto her back and i press my lips to hers, they're still warm, and unresponsive  and her mouth is full of blood, I taste it as I dip my tongue past her lips.

One last goodbye kiss.

"Am i interrupting something?” A familiar voice spoke as the door slowly creaked open. 

I glance up and look over towards Sayori, who had already walked into the room and began rummaging around with the items on my drawer.

“It would seem as if my attempts to make Natsuki love me, we're inevitably her down fall.” I sigh, pulling away from my loves corpse.

The strawberry blonde spoke, as she sprayed a dash of perfume to her wrists,She smelled it and hummed audibly. “So did you do this?” She gestured towards Natsuki’s limp body, and I shake my head. “She killed me and then herself, but I pushed her there i suppose.”

Sayori hummed before setting the bottle of perfume back down on the drawer. “I'm guessing we need to restart now? I had a feeling something happened with you two, like i couldn’t sense Nat’ in the file anymore so i came to check things out.”

“This file is corrupt beyond repair, It is a must that we reset.” I reply.

Sayori let out a deep sigh. “Aw phooey, I had things going great with Monika, but I'm also pretty sure the MC was supposed to be coming around this time so maybe It's for the better, y’know?”

I stand up, my leg’s slightly wobble at first, but i quickly find my footing. “The MC has already arrived.”

The other girl looks at me in evident shock, before slow realization crosses her face. “ You don't mean..”

“The MC is Naomi, yes.” I answer.

“But we deleted his character file, and the literature club. How's that even possible?”  She ponders her next words for a few moments before whispering. _ “Is it it the player?” _

 

“No, it's impossible for the player to even play this file, the MC must have become self aware like us.” 

Sayori shook her head, “No wonder she kept trying to do us, Yuck.”

“I suppose we will have to deal with that for the next reset.” I pull up the file menu. “Whenever you're ready, Sayori.”

“What do you think you're gonna do next time. For Natsuki, i mean.” She had pulled up her own file menu, staring lovingly at the  **_Monika.chr_ ** file.

“I'm going to give her a better life, I will do right by her and make up for my selfishness. She'll have a mother and a normal father.. A picture perfect life, even if it means she won't be in love with me at least she'll be happy for once.” My fingers hover over the reset button. 

“Y’know,” Sayori spoke, interrupting me from finally resetting this horrid file. “I'm pretty sure she already liked you before you did what you did to her. Maybe this time just wait it out and let her come to you, I'm sure you'll both be happy this time.”

Maybe Sayori is right.

Maybe Natsuki was developing real feelings for me and I didn't notice before I forced more onto her, maybe that's why she became so fucked up.

Wow, I'm an idiot.

I guess you can't force love if it already existed.

I close the reset menu and a cigarette materializes between my fingers and It lights up. “Can you reset us? I wanna enjoy this last smoke break.” I take a deep drag from the filter and inhale a stream of ones and zeros.

Sayori nods and the world resets.

_I exhale white smoke. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so uh that was that. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading Smoke break! This is the first serious fanfiction that I've ever put effort into so I'm very happy that it was well recieved by you all. I know the ending was kinda outta no where despite this being the way I had planned to end this since December so if you have any questions please feel free to ask if there's any confusion I know everything kinda came up out of the blue. 
> 
> I still can't believe I've been writing this for over half a year already and it's finally finished. 
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and the comments I've loved reading every single one :)) 
> 
> Oh by the way Yuri and "Naomi's" relationship was essentially completely fabricated. I didn't have time to really incorperate all that stuff but basically Yuri made all that stuff up about "Naomi" so Natsuki would stay away. Her room was only trashed because she did that herself, ya girl is a lil unstable u know? Anyway maybe in the future I'll come back to this and write an epilog that explains thing's better and also delves into Monika and Sayori's relationship but maybe that could just be a small sequel? Who knows. 
> 
> I've also went back and renamed some of the chapters so sorry if you were confused by that 
> 
> As always, Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :) -Britt Sama 
> 
> Feel free to check out my tumblr i'm usually here n stuff http://britt-sama.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda a slow first chapter with not too much development but hey we still got a longgg way to go :) Comments and Kudos are much appreciated !! ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ)
> 
> Check out my tumblr wumblr send me some writing requests or prompts! “ψ(｀∇´)ψ 
> 
> http://britt-sama.tumblr.com


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